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Author Topic: Remind me I left the kid in the car!  (Read 1694 times)

Tom

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Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« on: August 01, 2017, 05:53:28 PM »
Proposed legislation would require car manufacturers to build in an alarm for folks who would otherwise leave their child in the back of a car. Did I miss something in parenting 101?

This blows my mind, although I'm really empathetic about the children who have died after being left in a car that subsequently got very hot.

How can a parent or other relative not remember that they have a child in their car?
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Lowell

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #1 on: August 01, 2017, 06:00:04 PM »
It happened twice here in Phoenix this past weekend. Both children didn't make it. It's hard to imagine how one forgets but it seems like it is a break in their routine.

When we had our children, they didn't have car seats or a mandate to put kids in the back seat.  So we usually had our infants in the front seat with us.  Probably not the safest thing but it made it harder to forget they were in there.
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violajack

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #2 on: August 01, 2017, 06:01:16 PM »
Lack of sleep, being off the regular routine (non regular drop off parent is now the drop off parent), kids fall asleep and are completely silent, rear facing car seats look the same when you glance back whether or not a kid is in them, lots of these things compound and result in tragedy. But I think one of the biggest things is the lack of solid parental leave in this country, combined with the loss of our parenting village, resulting in parents having to drop babies off at daycare and return to work without adequate recovery and adjustment time during a time when babies simply aren't developmentally ready to sleep through the night. Driving drowsy can be more dangerous than driving drunk, and we expect people to be back at work like they weren't just up for a good 30 minutes or more every one to two hours through the night.

(from a mom of a 5 year old and soon to be 3 year old who is 3 weeks away from having baby #3)

Tom

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #3 on: August 01, 2017, 06:19:37 PM »
As a parent of five, grandparent of four, and great grandparent of one, I suggest that you put away your cell phone and pay more attention to your children. There is absolutely no excuse for not remembering that you have a child in the back of your car.
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Tom and Margi

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #4 on: August 01, 2017, 06:22:46 PM »
 :)) :)) :))   !!!

H5-Phil

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #5 on: August 01, 2017, 06:24:24 PM »
It's the epitome of distracted driving/parenting... 

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H5-Phil

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #6 on: August 01, 2017, 06:34:58 PM »
I once picked up a pizza with my faithful Dachshund 'left' in the car right in front of the pizza parlor.  In a matter of 3 minutes I had two people confront me telling me I was killing my dog!!  Windows were down and the temp outside was maybe 80 degrees.

I'm curious where these same folks are when a child sits in a car for HOURS!!!
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violajack

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #7 on: August 01, 2017, 06:43:16 PM »
@Tom, I feel like that's directed at me. I fail to see what cellphone use has to do with driving, since I don't use it when I'm driving. When you were a parent of young children, did they ride rear facing and fall asleep on the way to day care in the morning? Did you drive them? Did you have help during the first year? Family around? Did you help out when your own grandchildren were under 1?

We have zero family around. I'm lucky that I can stop working for the first year, but that doesn't mean my older kids don't still need a functional parent while my husband goes immediately back to work. It at least means I don't have to operate heavy machinery while sleep deprived though as we're within walking distance of the oldest's school. Bear in mind that when you live with them, the noise and chaos becomes the background sound track to life and one little one sleeping silently in a container can be surprisingly easy to overlook. The older ones can be significantly more distracting than a cell phone.

But you specifically asked "How can a parent or other relative not remember that they have a child in their car?"

I gave several answers based in the current culture and my own current experience. Then you came back with your parenting credentials and a lecture about cell phone usage. This is not the same landscape you parented in. It's not even the same world I grew up in. And bear in mind that the internet provides us access to information we wouldn't have gotten otherwise, in addition to being an echo chamber. Would you have known about the children in Phoenix if Lowell hadn't posted? Would you know how common this is or isn't without sensationalist news and then all the "me too" stories that follow on the internet?

Please, aim for compassion before judgement.

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #8 on: August 01, 2017, 06:53:36 PM »
Many of us simply stayed home and cared for our children.  I didn't go back to work until my children were in school most of the day.  Could we afford it?  NO!  Did we think it necessary for our child's well being?  YES!  Did staying home with the children drive me crazy after enjoying a stimulating, thought provoking job.  YES!  Would I do it any differently?  NO!  Did I every "forget" my children were in the car with me?  Of course not!  And, in those days, parenthood could not be "planned".  Now, it can be.  In this day and age children deserve to be planned for and cared for. 

kdbgoat

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #9 on: August 01, 2017, 07:38:15 PM »
I just typed out a nice long reply, but I guess the good Lord decided that I shouldn't post it, because I hit something before I was finished and it disappeared. Probably better that way, because it would have made someone mad.
I know you believe you understand what you think I said,
But I am not sure you realize what you heard is not what I meant


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Peggyy

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #10 on: August 01, 2017, 07:57:38 PM »
 There's an app for your phone that reminds you when you turn off your car    There is no excuse for leaving a child in the car   
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slcinwa

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #11 on: August 01, 2017, 08:44:25 PM »

Please, aim for compassion before judgement.

AMEN.  My heart aches for any parent who loses a child, regardless of the circumstances.

TonyDtorch

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #12 on: August 01, 2017, 09:51:45 PM »
Today,  I went for a test ride in a new 2017 Chevy Bolt.   Right on the main menu screen there is a button that says "rear seat occupant alarm".

It would be great if it worked for pets too.
« Last Edit: August 01, 2017, 10:04:53 PM by TonyDtorch »

Tom

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #13 on: August 01, 2017, 10:37:03 PM »
Quote from: violajack
@Tom, I feel like that's directed at me.

Not directed at any specific individual.

Quote
Please, aim for compassion before judgement.

Maybe you missed this in my prior message:

Quote
I'm really empathetic about the children...
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Tom

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #14 on: August 01, 2017, 10:58:27 PM »
Here's a low tech solution for the folks who don't recall having passengers in the car. This was posted by a forum member some years ago to illustrate what he checks for before driving off in his RV; It reminded him to be sure his wife and his dog Spencer were on board.

I use an equally low tech solution; Before driving off in a car or RV, I always ask out loud "is everyone on board?", and mentally do a roll call while listening to the replies.
« Last Edit: August 05, 2017, 04:53:52 AM by Tom »
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Arch Hoagland

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #15 on: August 01, 2017, 11:37:27 PM »
There should be a mandatory Breathalyzer in every vehicle ESPECIALLY if you are transporting children.

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OutdoorFT

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #16 on: August 02, 2017, 12:15:58 AM »
How selfish does one be not knowing they have their kid in the car with me?
I have none of my own, but have taken my wife's cousins kid to the zoo a few times. Mind blowing.
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SeilerBird

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #17 on: August 02, 2017, 04:05:37 AM »
I just typed out a nice long reply, but I guess the good Lord decided that I shouldn't post it, because I hit something before I was finished and it disappeared. Probably better that way, because it would have made someone mad.
When that happens all you have to do is right click the message area and then select undo and everything will magically return.
I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient and I will get to you shortly.
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kdbgoat

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #18 on: August 02, 2017, 05:54:12 AM »
When that happens all you have to do is right click the message area and then select undo and everything will magically return.

Thanks Tom, I'll remember that for the future. But considering what I wrote, it's probably better that it disappeared.
I know you believe you understand what you think I said,
But I am not sure you realize what you heard is not what I meant


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Bill N

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #19 on: August 02, 2017, 06:37:40 AM »
Proposed legislation would require car manufacturers to build in an alarm for folks who would otherwise leave their child in the back of a car. Did I miss something in parenting 101?

This blows my mind, although I'm really empathetic about the children who have died after being left in a car that subsequently got very hot.

How can a parent or other relative not remember that they have a child in their car?

Saw a piece on TV yesterday about a young high school kid who has invented a device to warn parents the kid is still in the car.  Did not see any details on how it works but the reported says auto companies are interested.

Bill
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Bill N

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #20 on: August 02, 2017, 06:43:53 AM »
You sometimes see a report of a kid left on a school bus at the end of the day - usually no fatalities but reminds me of when I drove a school bus for one year.  More than once I had a small kid zonk out on me and slip down in the seat where you could not see them.  My last stop in the pm was a large yard so I took the time to do a complete walk back through the bus to check for nappers.  In my one year, I found at least six sleepers none of whom were visible from the drivers seat.  Parents have to learn to never divert their attention to their most important duty.

Bill
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Tom

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #21 on: August 02, 2017, 07:58:07 AM »
Bill, your story reminds me of some acquaintances in our younger days; Their son was always up to some mischief. One time, the Mom was on the service bus with him en route to school. The Mom liked to chat with other Moms, and she didn't notice that, when she exited the bus, her son had hid under the seat. That was one of the milder tricks he got up to, but a real example of where the Mom wasn't paying attention.
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TonyDtorch

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #22 on: August 02, 2017, 09:49:42 AM »
There should be a mandatory Breathalyzer in every vehicle ESPECIALLY if you are transporting children.
alcohol is only one thing,  prescription drugs don't show up on a breathalyzer.

TonyDtorch

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #23 on: August 02, 2017, 09:54:24 AM »
Bill, your story reminds me of some acquaintances in our younger days; Their son was always up to some mischief. One time, the Mom was on the service bus with him en route to school. The Mom liked to chat with other Moms, and she didn't notice that, when she exited the bus, her son had hid under the seat. That was one of the milder tricks he got up to, but a real example of where the Mom wasn't paying attention.

Some would say that whatever happens,  is the Darwin theory.
« Last Edit: August 02, 2017, 01:06:33 PM by TonyDtorch »

Tom

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #24 on: August 02, 2017, 10:16:19 AM »
Quote from: TonyDtorch
Some would say that whatever happens, is the Darwin theory.

Tony, anyone who knew the couple would not say that; They're some of the nicest people I've known, and I'd often say they didn't deserve to be stuck with this kid. One evening, I was driving past their house on the way home from work, and saw the fire department outside. The following day I learned that he'd set the baby's crib on fire (with the baby in it), and sat on his bed to watch.
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TonyDtorch

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #25 on: August 02, 2017, 10:45:43 AM »
Tom.
As a parent I can only imagine the pain that family endures.  The hardest part of life is understanding all the cruelty that happens in the world.

This reminds me of a time at the rim of the Grand Canyon when we saw this young 4-5 yr old boy from Iran climbing around on the guard rail.   My brother says to his parents, "Your son may fall, you better watch him !",  and the father replies,  "he will fall only if that is Allah's will".

Do we have an obligation to overrule these parents and protect the child ?
« Last Edit: August 02, 2017, 01:04:13 PM by TonyDtorch »

Hfx_Cdn

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #26 on: August 02, 2017, 11:09:45 AM »
    Tom S, CTRL Z, will do the same in Windows

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #27 on: August 02, 2017, 11:48:04 AM »
I am sure it wasn't the intention of the parents to kill their child, we all have babies wanting the best for them. I have a co worker that got all the way to work and parked and realized that his baby was in the back seat only because the diaper bag was in the front seat. He never usually took the child to daycare but his wife happened to be sick that day so he did it and totally forgot on his way to work because he was thinking about work. He is a great parent and after he told me that I never tried to judged the people you see on the news that this happens to.
But he did make it a point to put the diaper bag up in the front seat from then on to make sure that he would never do that again.

gravesdiesel

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #28 on: August 02, 2017, 01:18:26 PM »
I have never and will never have children, so why the hell should I have to pay for a device in a car that is nothing but an excuse for sorry parenting?
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Rene T

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Re: Remind me I left the kid in the car!
« Reply #29 on: August 02, 2017, 01:25:05 PM »
he was thinking about work. He is a great parent and after he told me that I never tried to judged the people you see on the news that this happens to.


He was thinking about work, HUH? I will judge him for putting his work before his child. To me there are no excuses for forgetting a child in the back seat. We all make mistakes  but this is the ultimate. I couldn't live with myself knowing I killed my child because of a stupid accident. All accidents are preventable.
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