Convince the wife? How?

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new2rving2

Member
Joined
Oct 23, 2014
Posts
5
Posted this on other forums as well, just seeking help/advice/ways to twist her arm :)

Convince the wife!!!!

A little about us. I'm 60, wife is 52, daughter 20 in college.
She's studying oboe performance for those curious. My wife
has had lots of health problems and is disabled. She can walk
now, uses a walker a lot. If we do want to go on a longer
walk(me and the dog) she has to use a scooter or I push
her in a wheelchair.

She likes to travel, as do I, love national parks, museums
just seeing things. However, she is always wanting to stay
in low end hotels, yuck, I hate them. And I'm always lugging
luggage in and out on top of 10-14 hour days on travel days,
which is very hard for me as I do all the driving and she
starts hurting after a hour, actually she hurts all the time. We
do have a point system time share that works pretty well,
but limits where you can go.

But, to the real question, how do I get her convinced,
persuaded,arm twisted etc to get an RV? Motorhome most
likely if we do. She likes the idea, but hates the cost, as we
all do. And she always has something on the list that must
be done before we look at motorhomes. She has lost a sister
and me a brother, both in their 50's. Between that and her
health, she knows life is short and we've talked about that ad
nauseam, but she never lets go. Not going to fulltime, more
likely 3 - 4 months per yr.

We'd most likely, assuming we ever did, get a used
motorhome. Tiffin (we are 3 - 4) hrs from Red Bay or
Newmar.

I will most likely post this on other forums as well.


Any good ideas? Thanks!!!!
 
I don't know if we can help with your wife's financial priorities, and it seems you've both talked about "doing it now while you can". Some years ago, we almost dropped out of RVing but, by chance, we spent a day with several couples on the forum. That was sufficient (with no intervention by me) to convince my wife to get back into full swing RVing. That was 13 years ago, and my wife hasn't tired of RVing.

Another factor for us, that may not apply in your case, is that my wife is a poor passenger. So I let her do most (90%) of the driving, and that makes her a happy camper.

If your wife becomes convinced, I hope you'll come back and tell us what helped her decision.
 
Hi and Welcome!!!

I suggest you rent one for a short vacation and try that. Before doing that however, try and determine what style of motor home would be suitable such as a Class A (like a bus), a Class B (one example:a van using a cut-away Sprinter truck as a base) or a Class C (a house built on a cut-away van chassis). There are many examples available to view on the internet by simply using Google and searching for (example) "RV class A"

You can probably save a good Buck or two by checking out a gently used model instead of buying new.... Both those brands have a good reputation
 
We have been to a couple of shows, 2 or 3 yrs ago.  Pretty much decided if we get one it would be a class A.  B's and C's are pretty small, especially for her comfort.  Driving a truck and climbing in and out of that wouldn't give her much of a chance to stretch out if needed.  I have been lurking around the forums for 3 or 4 yrs now.  Learned a lot from you all.  Still trying to figure out the numbers if we got a used motorhome and traveled 3 or 4 months a year.  If I do some of my own work, get a used one, with some luck, might come out close to hotels/flying/car rental.  Seems to me it would be a whole lot more comfortable though, but I haven't driven one as yet.
 
new2rving2 said:
If I do some of my own work, get a used one, with some luck, might come out close to hotels/flying/car rental.  Seems to me it would be a whole lot more comfortable though, but I haven't driven one as yet.

Traveling by RV is much nicer than flying/car rental/hotel, however don't raise your expectations regarding saving money or breaking even. You might come close if you include airplane tickets but, as you say, only if you're lucky. If you compare it to a car driving/hotel vacation it will be much more expensive. Example: we just recently took a trip through TX and NM from Phoenix area that included a Dallas/Houston loop - it's 1000 miles from Phoenix to Dallas so that's a lot of diesel at 7mpg. We only included that part of the loop to see family and friends, so when we returned we ran the math on taking the car next time to visit vs. taking the coach - car/hotels was much cheaper. Next time we visit, assuming we don't attach other side trips as we did this last time, we'll be taking the car. Plus, in the car we could easily make Dallas in two days vs. 3 in the coach. So it really comes down to the type of traveling you want to do. For us, stopping when we want to stop, having the house and dogs with us, more than makes up for the extra expense.
 
You could do what I do--throw a tantrum, hold your breath till you turn blue or whine and beg a lot.
 
Warning***** I'm not serious with this reply....unless it actually works for you!

"It's easier to ask for forgiveness, than it is to beg for permission sometimes!"
 
I agree with the expense description above, with a caveat. For us anyway, RVing is a lifestyle. It's about taking your time and seeing the stuff you would normally wiz by at 80 mph. If the RV makes makes life easier and more enjoyable for the both of you, GO FOR IT.  Life is a one way trip, no Mulligans.  Enjoy it while you can, after all you won't be taking anything with you when you go. 
 
I'm with Marty.  We have to enjoy whatever time we have on earth.  I assume you're retired or close to it so the idea of "10-14 hour travel days" just isn't realistic at this stage of your life, especially when you have someone with health issues.  What fun is that for anyone?  Most of us don't drive more than 300 miles each day and sometimes even less than that.  In our case I have some back issues and my physical therapist said we (and everyone) should stop to walk around every hour.  We both drive so that's also when we trade drivers.  Since stopping more frequently we both feel better.  Most rest areas these days have some sidewalks to take a walkabout.

As to why we enjoy the lifestyle, it isn't just having the freedom to go where you want to go when you want to go, it's having your own bathroom, bed, food, and other things that are just flat out better than staying in hotel rooms, finding decent restaurants, and moving on someone else's schedule.  We did the hotel-airplane thing when we were working and prefer not to do any more of it.  No more schlepping luggage in and out, no more taking off too many things in airport security checkpoints, no more standing in long lines waiting for late airplanes, no more worrying about what's been in that strange bed, etc. etc. etc.  Having what makes us comfortable in our own motorhome is worth every penny.  Yes, what we spent on the motorhome could have bought a lot of first class trips and hotels but who needs that?  We'd rather have our own "stuff" and travel our way in comfort.

Renting a motorhome for a week might be the best way to change someone's mind.

ArdraF
 
I think the idea of renting a motorhome for a week would answer a lot of questions for both of you.  A week is long enough to decide if that is something she can handle with her medical conditions.  Good luck to both of you.
 
I went through a very similar scenario with my late wife who also had limited mobility. We bought a used fiver but I could not get any cooperation getting it ready for the first trip, I was ready to throw in the towel and advertise it. We finally went on a weekend trip, a great day with friends and snuggling in a comfortable bed was all it took. By the time we got home she was poring over camping magazines and planning the next trip. ;D She later said all she could see was the work involved but quickly learned it was worth the effort.
 
My wife and I faced some similar issues in our motorhome shopping a couple of years ago, in our situation we are both about 10 years younger than you and your wife, I am semi-retired, and my wife works full time.  My wife has some physical limitations and medical conditions where she needs to avoid overexertion, has difficulty with steps, balance issues, etc. though no where near as serious as your wife.

We too heard the advice of renting before you buy, but opted against it, as given my wife's issues we both felt she would be miserable in the typical rental motorhome which maximizes the number of sleep spaces at the expense of everything else.  Some of these things that makes all the difference in comfort with physical limitations include having a large bathroom and spacious shower (at least by RV standards), having a table with chairs vs a dinette, and having a coach with fewer steps and a good grab handle for entering and exiting. So instead of renting we decided to buy an older coach that had already taken the big initial depreciation hit, try it for a few years, and then if we decided it is not for us, or if we were not using it enough we could sell the coach taking a minimal depreciation hit, and mostly only incurring a cost of ownership hit.  As after all what does spending a week being miserable in a rental coach tell you, if you knew you would be miserable in it going into the deal, due to things most people would never give a second thought to, like being able to push a chair away from a table before standing, or having an interior grab rail by the entry steps.

Ike
 
AStravelers said:
If your wife has difficulties getting up and down the steps into the RV, a chair lift is most helpful.

I had a "Coach Lift" installed for my wife 3 years ago and it works very well.  http://www.coachlift.com/

Here is a topic on the forum about someone installing one:  http://www.rvforum.net/SMF_forum/index.php/topic,105265.msg981301.html#msg981301

My wife has also had mobility issues.  I noticed that the steps for Class As are not all the same.  You can get fold down steps that are easier to climb  if you don't want to go the lift route.  I also put a magazine rack at the entry that serves as a second handrail for my wife when getting in and out. Renting a Class A would be very helpful to help you decide which features matter the most to each of you.

As for convincing her I think you need to begin by writing down all of her objections and then addressing them one by one. If it is just financial then it might help to get a fee based financial planner to help your figure out how much you need to live on now and after retirement and whether the target RV would adversely impact your lifestyle.  Perhaps you might both be surprised once you do the numbers in detail.  After doing this more rigorously I find I sleep much better at night. It is easy for people nearing retirement to overestimate their living costs.

 
Another advantage is that you can leave the basics inside your RV--sheets, towels, linens, dishes, kitchen and cooking stuff, etc. so that all you have to pack when you are ready to take a trip is food and your clothing.  No suitcases to worry about or restaurants to find when you are hungry.

I drive a Class C full-time and do not tow another vehicle.  Once in a while I rent a car for sightseeing, and I really miss having my own bathroom in the parking lot of an attraction, or being able to grab a snack from the refrigerator.  And when I am traveling with my motorhome, I never forget to bring anything because it is all with me. 
 
Thanks for all the comments/advice.  All most helpful.  I've started writing down her objections and trying to find solutions.  Mentioned rving to her yesterday since she wanted to take the dog to a state park here in TN.  I said we need a RV, then we could take the dog, walks, rest.  Her new objections was if we go on longer trips (1-2 weeks or a month) she doesn't have anything to do while I work (not retired yet).  Sigh, another for the list and to work on.
She likes to read, write (if I can get her back to writing, she's afraid of critics if she tries to publish), crafts etc.  But she's worried about missing pool therapy and other things.
We have looked at (at dealers and RV shows)  class B's, C's, A's fivers and trailers.  Knowing her lack of comfort.
while driving and after being in the above, class A with toad seems to be the right size. 
I almost positive we'd like traveling in a RV, since we love seeing things.  Been to Yellowstone 3 times and want to go back!!!  Now if I can just get her to budge!!!!
Renting might be a way to get her started....
 
We fulltimed for several years in a 37' 5th wheel. While I was at The University of Florida I had the opportunity to go to Oregon to conduct research with the Forest Service. They gave us a full hookup spot on the Umpqua River in the Umpqua NF. I would go out to different recreation spots in the NF each day and my wife would stay home in the RV. It seems she had plenty to do. Took her about 10 minutes to clean the RV. She read, sat outside under the huge trees and listened to the river just below us, planned dinner which we would cook under those huge trees that we strung lights through for evening al fresco dining.  And maybe a little wine sipping. We were at the spot for 3 months. I posit that once your wife gets a little taste of the above she will be hooked.

http://www.lovethesepics.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Toketee-Falls-at-Umpqua-National-Forest.jpg
 
new2rving2 said:
Her new objections was if we go on longer trips (1-2 weeks or a month) she doesn't have anything to do while I work (not retired yet).  Sigh, another for the list and to work on.
She likes to read, write (if I can get her back to writing, she's afraid of critics if she tries to publish), crafts etc.  But she's worried about missing pool therapy and other things.

Fear of the unknown is very strong in some people.  She will come up with (NEW) excuses until she gets over her fear of the unknown
which is keeping her from doing the things you think she will enjoy.

If you camp at campgrounds there are many people there that are friendly and it could  be good for your wife to meet new people, while you work.
There are campgrounds that have pools too but if she says it's not the same pool I now go to - then you know she is just making an excuse.

If your wife is in poor health now, is it going to get better or worse in a few years?  If worse then there will come a point where she
can't go because she is too frail.

There is a saying (maybe you should ask here this) When your old and sitting in your rocking chair you will be regretting what you
didn't do much more then what you did do.  Is that the boat she wants to be in?


I guess (if you dare) you could go and buy a motorhome and bring it home and start loading it up.  Camp in the driveway a few nights and
then announce me and the dog are going camping - Are you coming along?  ;D

Sometimes the best thing you can do to get over fear is to jump in with both feet.
In this case it's not like your asking her to skydive without a chute.  I would be afraid of that too.  But not RV'ing.
 
new2rving2 said:
She likes the idea, but hates the cost, as we
all do. 
 

You indicated your wife has concerns about the financial aspects of purchasing an RV.  However, you didn't state whether or not you share those concerns.  Your comment suggesting that everyone hates the cost of owning an RV tells me you also have some reservations regarding cost.  You may want to begin by examining your own concerns regarding the costs associated with the lifestyle.  It can be done on the cheap.  But depending on your needs and travel plans, it can be quite expensive.  You might find it worth your while to check a number of sites regarding the cost of RVing and then see what fits in your budget.  You can even find threads in this forum regarding the cost of traveling.   
 
garyb1st, Knowing our finances, I think we could afford a 100 - 150K setup pretty easy.  Might have
to finance less than half depending on how we move some investments around.  They are earning good interest at the moment.  I have tried to run some numbers of the cost based on what people have posted on here and other sites.  Traveling 3-4 months/year and comparing hotel/airbnb/timeshare to RVs.  We are somewhat frugal, but not scraping the bottom of the barrel for hotels, food, etc.  Anyway seems we could afford it if we traveled that much and keep the mileage to 5000 or so miles a year and stay away from the high end resorts except maybe for a few day splurge!!! 
RedandSilver,
She used to be really adventurous.  Left home and moved across the country on her own.  Before she was disabled, she traveled the world teaching classes.  Now, she finds excuses to not leave her comfort zone.  Yet, she knows how uncertain life can be.  She met people when she was working that were waiting until retirement to do the "once in a lifetime trip" only to have one of them die and one was sadly doing it alone.  When she was first diagnosed with this auto immune disease about 15 yrs ago, we both agreed that when we were able, we'd travel and see things.  Now she is stuck in her little box and scared to move out.  Not like I'm asking her to give up the house, she won't do that unless lightening strikes (I'd fall over dead with the shock, if she mentioned she wants to fulltime!!!)
 
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