Having fun with hackers

I just finished a call from a hacker trying to get information about my computer:

Him (with heavy Indian accent):  Hi, this is Dave from Computer Protections.  We're getting reports from your IP address saying your computer is infected with a virus and we want to help you solve it.

Me:  Great!  Which computer are you talking about?

Him: Your Windows computer.

Me:  Which one, I have 5 of them.

Him:  The one that's online now

Me:  They're all online now.  Which one?

Him:  Tell me the Windows Certificate number of the one that's online.

Me:  Again, for which one?  What is the IP address of the one you're receiving the messages from?

Him:  I need to know the Windows Certificate number for your PC.

Me:  Again, for which IP?

Him:  For your IP.

Me:  Which one?  I have 5 computers running on 5 different IP addresses.  Let's narrow this down a bit, OK?

There was a pause and then another individual picked up, identifying himself as a supervisor.  Meanwhile, I could hear lots of conversations in the background, this was obviously a boiler room.

2nd Man:  Hello, is there a problem finding your Windows Certification Number?

Me:  Yes, I have 5 PCs here.  Which one do you need?

Him:  The one that's on line now.

Me:  All 5 are online now.  Again, which IP address are you receiving messages from?  You must have the originating IP address to know that it is coming from my PC.  How can I find the correct PC without knowing which IP address is involved?

From here the conversation went as with the first guy.  After tying up their line for a good 10 minutes, there was a curse and the line went dead.

Such fun!

Good fun Lou. I have a different way of dealing with telemarketers. I do not answer the phone if I don't recognize the number and now Google identifies possible spam callers with a message before I pick up the phone. I went and rerecorded my voice mail box message with a beep and then one minute of silence. So they deliver their message and hang up and the message never gets recorded. I hate voice mail so this is a very effective good use.

I answer unknown numbers with, "New Haven field office, agent Rodriguez speaking."

I've told some in the past that I'm busy but give me your home number and I'll call you back tonight.
Click!
I usually don't answer unless a name comes up now. Depends on my mood.

I can verify that Jeff usually does not answer his phone.

"Thank you for contacting the Federal Bureau of Investigation, we noted the spoofed number on the incoming call. Packet trace was completed before answering, Agjent?t lokal? jan? d?rguar n? vendin tuaj.

HueyPilotVN said:

I can verify that Jeff usually does not answer his phone.

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8)
Had I been proactive Bill and entered your contact info PRIOR to you calling, I would not have missed you.
That said, it was an honor and a privelage to chat with you sir.  )

The latest one we've been getting from the computer scammers is to warn us that our Windows service contract has expired. We didn't know we ever had one!!!  ;D ;D  Sometimes I tell them we either switched to Apple or the computers were just so much trouble we ditched them.

ArdrF

I used to answer mine with "The Devil speaking, who in hell do you want to talk to" but it didnt shut them up and I was afraid my preacher uncle would call.

If I do more than hang up, I'll usually say, "What makes you think I have a computer?"

I used to mess with them for as long as they would stand for it.  Pretending to not know where the start button is, reading them bogus IP addresses with too many nodes etc.  but even that got old so now I ask them if they're Hindi, if they answer yes I say that since Hindis believe in reincarnation and karma they would come back as a slug in their next life for working at a criminal enterprise.  Some of the curses they come up with are exceptionall funny! 

Sometimes I pick up the phone and say "It's done.  There's blood everywhere.  Send the cleaners."

My all time favorite is "you've reached the 'city' obscene phone call hotline.  All of our perverts are busy on other calls but if you care to stay on the line your call will be answered in the order it was received."

Even more fun are the bogus IRS calls.  And the telemarketers for resorts!  Ask one of the chipper sounding resort shills what she's wearing!  Bet she'll hang up......

Normally I don't answer unknown numbers but a few weeks ago I held on the line and got the IRS very pointedly saying I needed to pay them immediately. Kept them on the line confirming the last 4 of my SS. I had just made up 4 numbers, they confirmed I was the right person. Things went along and I asked the person if they indeed had my information which they said absolutely yes! I followed with "then you know I am a police officer".. Click from the other end.  I did not get to say " friend "

It did lift my spirits for the afternoon.

Cheers

8Muddypaws said:

I used to mess with them for as long as they would stand for it. 

Even more fun are the bogus IRS calls.  And the telemarketers for resorts!  Ask one of the chipper sounding resort shills what she's wearing!  Bet she'll hang up......

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not necessarily, Many years ago, 37....(before my present wife) I got one of those telemarketers for a timeshare and after the conversation I found out she lived only a couple of miles from me and I wound up at her house, beautiful young girl from New Jersey.....only time it worked out right.

HappyWanderer said:

I answer unknown numbers with, "New Haven field office, agent Rodriguez speaking."

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I know you are just making a funny but just answering gives the hacker a lot of info.  I never answer an unknown number unless they leave a message and I know who they are.  Even got caught once by trying to read their voice message and that triggered a call back to their office which was in Spain - My company called me to warn me of how this cost me money and how to avoid in the future.  Certain area codes are loaded with spammers. 

Bill

Of course they have no idea what the windows Certificate or even teh IP of your computer is for they are SCAMMERS..  Very good job.

I've gotten a few of those calls too.. I am not as inventive but well  They are still fustrated because I do not byte.

Mabel's Morgue; You stab'em we slab'em! Or Mabel's Morgue, you kill'em we chill'em! O'Toole's Tavern; Licker on sale today! LOL!

You reminded me of some fun that I had a few years ago. I don't think that this story violates the ban on religious rants, so I'll give it a try. I apologize to anybody who might be offended.

My door bell rang one Sunday afternoon, and when I answered it, I found two young people from (I can't remember which) one of the fundamentalist Christian sects. I'm an atheist, so my normal response would just have been to tell them that I wasn't interested, but I had some time to spare, and decided to have some fun with them. After some preliminary chat the conversation went something like"

One of them:  Do you believe in God?

Me:  Yes

One of them: What religion are you?

Me:  I'm a Devil worshiper.

One of them:  I thought you said that you believe in God.

Me:  I do. Don't you believe in the Devi?

One of them:  Of course I do. But you're going to go to hell.

Me:  I should certainly hope so!

At this point, I realized that they were actually believing me. I invited them to come to one one of our services. When I began telling them about the orgies, they fled in absolute terror. The hard part was not breaking out in laughter until after they left.

Joel

I'm envious. All I get are robocalls.  ??? :'(

Fogetty said:

I'm envious. All I get are robocalls.  ??? :'(

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HAHAHA - my wife laughed at me one day after I hung up the phone on a telemarketer from some RV Resort/Time Share. I said "She would not shut up enough for me to say I'm not interested so I just hung up on her". Kim says to me "Yah they called the other day - it's a recording dummy!"  :

I get the resort calls on my phone.  Don't know why, never stayed at one and never did a time share promo.  I just hang up.

My wife gets the one calling to inform her that her extended warranty has expired.  She always asks if it's on the '54 Chevy panel, the '61 F-100, or the '73 Satellite.  I've seen her play them for 10 minutes before they hang up on her.

The worse one I get is from a supplier I dealt with when I had my shop.  The shop has been closed since the end of '15 and I'm still getting calls from the guys wanting to sell me cutoff wheels, drill bits and sandpaper.  The bad part is that these are real guys that I actually bought from in the past and they can't get it in their heads that I closed up.