Post a joke

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Daisy said:
Senior Texting Codes:


ATD            At the Doctor's
BFF            Best Friend's Funeral
BTW          Bring the Wheelchair
CBM          Covered by Medicare
CUATSC    See You at the Senior Center
FWIW        Forgot Where I Was
IMHO        Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO        Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL            Living on Lipitor
LWO          Lawrence Welk's On
ROFL...CGU  Rolling on Floor Laughing...Can't Get Up!
WAITT      Who Am I Talking To?
WWNO      Walker Wheels Need Oil

This was awesome, I'm LOL.... both laughing and living on Lipitor (or the generic equivalent...)
 
Glad you liked it JJE.  Here's another

6 Good Things About Getting Old

1.  Your investment in health insurance is finally paying off.

2.  If you've never smoked, you can start now and it won't have time to hurt you.

3.  The stuff you buy today, won't wear out.

4.  People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

5.  In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released.

6.  Your brain cells are finally down to a manageable size.  [I really resemble this one  ;D]
 
Love No. 5... Something to look forward to!

5.  In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released.
 
Is this a funny joke....or not?  Your opinion, please. I found it to be funny  not-so-funny myself.

  Went to a convenience/Gas station store today. Made a small purchase. The cashier was a bright looking young  guy, college age...may 20+ years old.

  I gave him a twenty plus the correct change. My change back was a 5 dollar bill. 

He said: here's $5 in change.
I said: Yea, that sounds right. I calculated that on my Abacus.
He said: I am surprised that you know what an Abacus is.. small grin.
I said. Well actually I used my slide rule.    Silence
I said: Do you know what a slide rule is?
He said: NO

I then proceeded to give him a one sentence tutorial of a slide-rule, re Engineers tool before calculators, move various pieces of the rule back and forth and read the answer with great accuracy. His eyes lit up.

  I advised him to get on his computer and google it. He said he most certainly would.
He said: Thank you.  End of story.

I hope I saved one soul, a product of the new generation educated in today's schools. Maybe he should have taken an History class...

Carson FL  87.3?
 
If I remember right an abacus is discussed in today's computer classes but a slide rule is not mentioned. I draw this from my daughters classes. I know that in my high school class the quickest way to be pinned as a nerd was to pull out a slide rule....been there..I was traumatized to the point I have never used one since.
 
Now you all have me feeling crotchety. I still use my Mannheim Slide Rule, that I purchased when in college in 1954. It is quicker and more convenient than a calculator for many agricultural calculations and applications. Yes I have a calculator too and I use it for some things too.

I still use my original slide rule. My calculators seem to only last a year or two and have to be replaced or I lose them.
 
seilerbird said:
That is not saying much. In California we have pot farms bigger than Rhode Island.

Heck I cover the area of three states in my job as the Veteran Services Officer for the State of Montana.

My area is about 500 square miles less than Maryland, Vermont and New Hampshire.

Oly
 
This from our English cousins...

After a busy day at work, an English fellow who had just boarded the train at Waterloo, settled down for a nap as far as his destination, Winchester.

But the chp sitting near him hauled out his mobile phone and started up:  "Hi darling, it's Peter.  I'm on the train...Yes, I know it's the 6:30 not the 4:30, but had a long meeting"

And it continued, "...No, not with that floozie from the typing pool, with the boss ... No darling, you're the only one in my life... Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart."

This conversation was still going on at Wimbledon, when the young woman opposite, driven beyond endurance yelled at the top of her voice,  "Hey, Peter, turn off that bloody phone and come back to bed!"



Beware, all you who insist on long conversations on your cell phones in my presence, I WILL GET EVEN!!!!!
 
A drunk staggered into the bar and asked for a beer. The attractive young bartender said 'Sorry, I think you have had enough." "Aw c'mon" "Sorry, no beer but you can have a coffee." The drunk left and a short time later rolled in the side door. "The girl, annoyed, told him "I have already told I am not serving you now OUT!!!" He mumbled a profanity under his breath and left. An hour later he fell through the back door and she came right unhinged. "No, no, no. Jesh tell me one shing. You work in every bar in town?"
 
A woman brought her pet duck to the pet hospital.  Very upset, she wanted to know if it were dead.  After examining the duck the doctor assured her, "your duck is dead."   

"You didn't even take a test!  Maybe it's in a coma."

"If you insist," the doctor told her.  A black Labrador walked into the room, sniffed the duck and shook his head as he walked out.  Next, a big white cat jumped up on the table and sniffed the duck end to end.  He meowed, jumped off the table and sadly left.

The doctor then walked to the printer and grabbed a paper. 

"$150.00 to tell me the duck is dead?!!"

"Well, if it weren't for the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, the bill would have been $20.00."
 
A group of 15-year old boys discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they should meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View Restaurant because they only had $6.00 among them and Jane Johnson, that cute girl in Social Studies, lives on that street and they might see her and they can ride their bikes there.

Ten years later, the group of 25-year-old guys discussed where they should meet for dinner. They agreed to meet at the  Ocean View Restaurant because the beer was cheap, they had free snacks, the band was good, there was no cover, and there were lots of cute girls.

Ten years later, at 35, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. They agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the booze was good, it was right near the gym, and if they went late enough there wouldn't be too many whiny little kids.

Ten years later, at 45, the group discussed where they should meet for dinner. They agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the martinis were big and the waitresses wore tight pants.

Ten years later, at 55, the group discussed where they should meet for dinner. They agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the prices were reasonable, the wine list was good, and fish is good for your cholesterol. 

Ten years later, at 65, the group discussed where they should meet for dinner. They agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the lighting was good and they have an early bird special.

Ten years later, at 75, the group discussed where they should meet for dinner. They agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the food was not too spicy and the restaurant was handicapped accessible.

Ten years later, at 85, the group discussed where they should meet for dinner. They agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because they had never been there before.................................CJ.....................
 
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.... Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
 
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