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Author Topic: Post a joke  (Read 174323 times)

SeilerBird

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #210 on: January 03, 2013, 07:39:59 AM »
Four out of three people have trouble with fractions. ;D
I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient and I will get to you shortly.
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catblaster

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #211 on: January 03, 2013, 06:07:04 PM »
I had to explain that to my wife....... :o
Will and Jane
95 Winnebago Luxor

Molaker

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #212 on: January 05, 2013, 01:29:19 PM »
This guy has captured my current life quite well.
http://www.youtube.com/embed/Xv1tMioGgXI?rel=0
« Last Edit: January 05, 2013, 03:10:32 PM by Molaker »
Tom & Joyce and Ditto the "don't tell her she's a dog" Westie
U.S. Navy (Ret)
2014 Winnebago ERA 70X 24' class B Sprinter chassis

carson

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #213 on: January 05, 2013, 01:57:51 PM »
Thanks, Tom. It's been a while since I really had a good laugh.

  Now, what was that clip i just viewed....?

Carson, 
 West Central Florida
Ex RV'er. (1995 Winnebago Adventurer)
2007 Buick Rendezvous, SUV / CROSSOVER

...Logic works like a charm...

wstuart

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #214 on: January 05, 2013, 05:30:33 PM »
Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, 'I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present.
What do you think it all means?'
 'Aha, you'll know tonight,' answered Max smiling broadly.
 
At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and handed her small package.
 Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: 'The meaning of dreams'.
Maryann & Wayne
Nanaimo BC
Challenger 37 GT
Honda CRV toad Blue Ox tow bar

Daisy

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #215 on: January 05, 2013, 06:07:19 PM »
That Max guy is one cruel joker!    ;D ;D ;D

Daisy aka Jemima
Daisy.  Location:  Sometimes here, Sometimes there.  All depends on the mood of the moment!

Molaker

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #216 on: January 05, 2013, 06:20:13 PM »
That Max guy is one cruel joker!    ;D ;D ;D

Daisy aka Jemima
And probably pretty lonely now. ;D
Tom & Joyce and Ditto the "don't tell her she's a dog" Westie
U.S. Navy (Ret)
2014 Winnebago ERA 70X 24' class B Sprinter chassis

Tom

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #217 on: January 05, 2013, 06:23:32 PM »
Not to throw a wet blanket on the topic, but I really have an issue with folks who insist on forwarding every joke they've read on the internet to my private email box. Some get miffed when I say "please remove me from your distribution list for this stuff; I already receive it from several other folks".
« Last Edit: January 05, 2013, 06:33:28 PM by Tom »
Tom.  Need help? Click the Help button in the toolbar above.

Tom and Margi

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #218 on: January 05, 2013, 09:19:18 PM »
Not to throw a wet blanket on the topic, but I really have an issue with folks who insist on forwarding every joke they've read on the internet to my private email box. Some get miffed when I say "please remove me from your distribution list for this stuff; I already receive it from several other folks".

Amen!
 
Margi

llib enad

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #219 on: January 05, 2013, 09:53:15 PM »
     Redneck walks into a coffee shop carrying a shotgun and a paper bag, orders a cup of coffee, and chats with a few of the customers.  Turns to leave, throws the bag into the air and shoots it with the shotgun and then leaves.  A few days later he returns with the same gun and a new paper bag.  The manager meets him at the door and wants to know why he  made such a mess and then left.  The redneck explained that he was in management training and he needed to learn how to have coffee with the fellows. shoot the shit and leave the mess for someone else to clean up.

Bill Dane    99  CC  Allure

Mr Bojangles

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #220 on: January 06, 2013, 05:12:22 AM »
A story seen in local Bimonthly publication: (Little Mountain Printing, Berks Co. Pa.)  called the FISH WRAPPER.
                                                         
                           "Pretzel Charity"
A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each.

Everyday a young man would leave his office building at lunch time and, as he passed her pretzel stand, he would leave her a quarter, but would never take a pretzel.
This went on for more than five years. The two of them never spoke.

One day as the man passed the old ladies pretzel stand and left his quarter as usual, the pretzel woman spoke to him.
"Sir, I appreciate your business. You are a good customer, but I have to tell you that the pretzel price has increased to 35 cents."







 
SAFBVET    Jim O
28 trips out.... 88,000 Miles -S  to Key West, SW to Gulf...w to Texas, NW Oregon, across Canada.

SeilerBird

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #221 on: January 06, 2013, 09:05:42 AM »
Not to throw a wet blanket on the topic, but I really have an issue with folks who insist on forwarding every joke they've read on the internet to my private email box. Some get miffed when I say "please remove me from your distribution list for this stuff; I already receive it from several other folks".
Amen to that. I simply don't allow people to send me anything. With the first forward someone sends me I shoot back an email and ask them to please don't ever send me any forwards. The second time I have to tell them I get nasty. The third time I create a filter and send their junk to my trash can.
I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient and I will get to you shortly.
Life list of birds:
https://goo.gl/photos/xuP9zPD2KP2swN1g8
Grand Canyon photos:
https://photos.app.goo.gl/Nc1AT8tQp25wJwfm1
My portfolio:
https://goo.gl/photos/Cx4SaYhGfYFShSty7

Just Don

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #222 on: January 06, 2013, 08:45:53 PM »
I agree..
FT since 11/20/12
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

Jim Godward

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Need a smile ?
« Reply #223 on: January 08, 2013, 08:44:07 PM »



     
    Abe & Esther
     
    Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.
    Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,
    "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad  news.
    Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt  an emergency landing.
    Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and  we  should be able to land on the beach.
    However, the odds are that we  may never be rescued and will have to live on the island
    for the rest of our  lives!"
    Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
    An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our Visa and Master Card bill  yet?"
    "No, sweetheart," she  responds.
    Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay  our American Express card yet?"
    "Oh, no! I'm  sorry. I forgot to send the cheque," she said.
    "One last thing Esther. Did you remember to send the  instalment cheque for the income tax this month?" he  asks.
    "Oh, forgive me, Abe,"  begged Esther. "I didn't send that one, either."
    Abe grabs her and  gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years. Esther pulls away and asks  him,
    "What was that  for?" 
    Abe answers, "They'll find  us!"
Jim
Jim & Pat Godward
AC7PO & KD7ZDM
Hillsboro, Oregon

muskoka guy

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #224 on: January 13, 2013, 03:44:04 PM »
a guy decides he will build a shed. he goes down to the lumber yard and says i need some 2 x 4s. the clerk asks, how long do you want them. the guy looks at him kinda funny and says , well im building a shed so i am going to need them for quite awhile.

Just Don

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #225 on: January 13, 2013, 07:38:41 PM »
Canadian photographer Patrice Laroche surely will have no trouble explaining his kids about the birds and the bees. During his wife Sandra Denis’ pregnancy, the artist created hilarious explanatory photo series titled “How to Make a Baby”.                                                     
The creative couple planned and carried out their project throughout the whole period of 9 months, taking pictures in the exact same settings as Sandra’s belly expanded.
The pregnancy saga of Sandra and Patrice basically denounces all the traditional cabbage and the stork stories.
Edit: Replaced attached photos with link to source.
« Last Edit: January 13, 2013, 07:57:24 PM by Tom »
FT since 11/20/12
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

taoshum

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Attenfing a funeral
« Reply #226 on: January 17, 2013, 09:22:32 AM »
Reflecting on my discussion, he mentioned that he was making the toddies for visitors. Being a Scotsman, he may not have wanted to share too much of his liquor  ???

Oldie: three elderly men attend a friends funeral.  The Frenchman rises and walks to the casket, says a few words and leaves 100 Euros.  The German rises and walks to the casket, says a few words and not to be outdone by the Frenchman leaves 200 Euros.  The Scotsman rises and walks to the casket, says a few word, leaves a check for 500 Euros and takes the cash.
07 Itasca Meridian 34SH.  '08 Jeep Sahara.
Taos, NM.

mnmnutswer

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Things i learned living in the south
« Reply #227 on: January 17, 2013, 09:57:05 AM »
Things i learned living in the south
________________________________________
A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South,
plus a couple no one's seen before.

If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.

Onced and Twiced are words.

It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!

Jawl-P? means, Did you all go to the bathroom?

People actually grow, eat and like okra.

fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do that.

There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's
supper.

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when
you're two. We do like a little tea with sugar. It is referred to as the
Wine of the South.

Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.

The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'

You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is,
you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.

Ya'll is singular. All ya'll is plural.

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable,
grain, insect, or animal

You carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car.

You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco and ketchup.

The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but
require 6 pages for local high school sports, the motor sports, and
gossip.

Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss (first name) or Mr. (first name)

You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

You know what a hissy fit is..

Fried catfish is the other white meat.

We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can
drive!!!

Terry & Kathy Weller
Direct Sales Jewelry
It goes where you are.

captsteve

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Re: Things i learned living in the south
« Reply #228 on: January 17, 2013, 11:17:34 PM »
Quote
Things i learned living in the south ....

AND "Bless your heart" is not a blessing!!! lol
Edit: Reduced extensive quote.
« Last Edit: January 18, 2013, 03:09:53 AM by Tom »
Capt Steve has the Conn, Trina navigator ( Admiral )
2004 American Revolution 40c (aka Fat Girl) **Sold**
2017 Ram 1500 (Future Toad)
Piper Archer II  (Where the RV money goes)

yolo

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  • You Only Live Once
Re: Post a joke
« Reply #229 on: January 21, 2013, 07:02:42 AM »
There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large,
trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it
down in one swig.
"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't
stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," I say.
"I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me.
When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I
don't have any insurance.
I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another
man... and then my dog bit me."

"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all,
I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison
dissolve; and then you show up and drink the whole damn thing!
"But, Hell, enough about me, how are you doing?"
Bill Bell -- SW Florida

2009 Coachmen FX21QB Towing 2009 Smart Car
2013 Thor Tuscany 40FX
2004 Winnebago Vectra 40AD

therealsimpsons

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #230 on: January 23, 2013, 12:31:16 AM »
I'll use that one Bago..funny!!
05 Beaver Monterey Laguna IV
400 HP C9 Cat
06 Honda CR-V toad with Blue Ox

Daisy

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #231 on: January 31, 2013, 03:42:26 PM »
WHY HEALTH CARE COSTS ARE SO HIGH!

Kevin had shingles.
Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line?
Here's what happened to Kevin:

Kevin walked into a doctor ' s office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Kevin said: ' Shingles. ' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Kevin what he had...
Kevin said, ' Shingles. ' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Kevin to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said, ' Shingles.. ' So the nurse gave Kevin a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Kevin to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Kevin sitting patiently in the nude and asked Kevin what he had.

Kevin said, ' Shingles. ' The doctor asked, ' Where? '

Kevin said, ' Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload ' em?? '
Daisy.  Location:  Sometimes here, Sometimes there.  All depends on the mood of the moment!

Molaker

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #232 on: February 03, 2013, 09:57:11 PM »
Wife texts husband on a cold winter's morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really screwed up now.

edit:fixed extremely small font size -LS
« Last Edit: February 03, 2013, 10:03:58 PM by Lou Schneider »
Tom & Joyce and Ditto the "don't tell her she's a dog" Westie
U.S. Navy (Ret)
2014 Winnebago ERA 70X 24' class B Sprinter chassis

JW of Opechee Shores

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"Two Brothers" Something to make you smile
« Reply #233 on: March 06, 2013, 02:19:14 PM »

Two young brothers ages 7 and 6 where up in the room early one morning when the older one says to the younger one, I think we are old enough to start cussing; I will say **** and you say hell when we go down to breakfast. Their mother calls them for breakfast and the two head downstairs where the mother says to the oldest "What do you want today". The oldest says I'm tired of the same old "****" I'll have some Cheerios: with that the mother races around the table and slaps him on the side of the head, then drags him upstairs to his room with him kicking and screaming. The mother comes back down and says to the younger brother "OK what will you have for breakfast". The younger one give here a pensive look and says " I sure as hell don't want no Cheerios"
F-350 7.3 PSD
Cameo 36FWS
Hooked up and ready to go always: Ok so I do need to stop at a rest area now and then:)

THEBigLarry

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New K Mart TV Ad - Listen closely . . . . . .
« Reply #234 on: April 15, 2013, 07:23:06 AM »
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hL4lSavSepc

A new K-Mart ad that is certainly making the rounds on the internet, though I have not seen it on the cable/air.

Listen closely.  The double entendre can be tricky. . . . .
Larry and Loretta Dodd
2007 American Eagle 42' 500 Big Horses
2014 Jeep Rubicon  "LoLa II"
2005 Harley Davidson Ultra Classic
Living Life at Full Throttle!  
FULL TIME as of Aug 1, 2014.

Alaskansnowbirds

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #235 on: April 15, 2013, 05:59:10 PM »
  Problem at ACE HARDWARE

There was a bit of confusion at Ace Hardware this morning.

When I was ready to pay for my purchases of gunpowder and bullets,  the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me!"

Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about the gun registry people running amok, I did just as she had instructed.

When the hysterical shrieking had finally subsided, I found out that  she was referring to my credit card.

I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer!
Don & Peg
Alaska/Arizona
Currently located here.
Weather at Camp Verde, AZ.

Ned

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #236 on: April 15, 2013, 06:38:40 PM »
That's an image I didn't need tonight :)
-- Ned -- Fulltimer 1997-2013
1997 Holiday Rambler Endeavor LE
2007 GMC Canyon

Tom and Margi

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #237 on: April 15, 2013, 07:08:26 PM »
Ha Ha ... this one might make it to the Timber Valley Friendship Hour.
 
Margi

Mr Bojangles

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #238 on: April 16, 2013, 06:10:20 AM »
The sad thing is:
I may have understood what she (cashier) meant, but Looking for any opportunity.....
Well, you get the picture.
I've got to get my mind right!  :P

"Now that there's funny." he said egotistically.
SAFBVET    Jim O
28 trips out.... 88,000 Miles -S  to Key West, SW to Gulf...w to Texas, NW Oregon, across Canada.

russellm

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #239 on: April 16, 2013, 08:57:14 AM »
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the T shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"

She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

 

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