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Author Topic: Post a joke  (Read 188126 times)

Jim Godward

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #270 on: March 01, 2014, 10:23:46 PM »
Gemini's are always over-weight.....

They are eating for two...

That must be my problem.  Now to find a solution and get the Dr's off my back!   :)
Jim
Jim & Pat Godward
AC7PO & KD7ZDM
Hillsboro, Oregon

TonyDtorch

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #271 on: March 01, 2014, 10:34:39 PM »
What kind of pizza did the Dalai Lama order....?

"One with everything"

RVn00b

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  • '06 Winnebago Outlook 27L
    • Cat O'Nine Tales
Re: Post a joke
« Reply #272 on: March 01, 2014, 10:39:42 PM »
I admit to being late to the party, so forgive me if you've heard this before.

Lil' Boudreaux and Lil' Thibideaux were out fishin' in the woods out by Bayou Teche one lazy summer day.  All of a sudden, the calm is shattered by a Game Warden jumping in front of the boys and shouting "LEMME SEE YO' FISHIN' LICENSE!"

Well, cher, Lil' Boo knew just what to do.  He t'roo down his cane rod an' took off thru the Bayou wit' the Game Warden in hot pursuit.  They zigged and zagged thru the Bayou, duckin' vines and dodgin' branches till, about a half-mile away, Lil' Boo ducked behind a cypress tree, grabbed his knees, and gasped for breat'.  The Game Warden tackled Lil' Boo, straddled him, pinned down his shoulders and shouted again "BOY, I SAID LEMME SEE YO' FISHIN' LICENSE!"  Wit' dat, Lil' Boo reached into his back pocket and pulled out a valid fishing license.

The Game Warden can't believe what's just happened.  "Boy, you must be some prize idiot," he says to Lil' Boo.  "Whatchoo doin' runnin' from me when you got a valid fishin' license?"

At that, Lil' Boo stops panting, smiles mischievously at the Game Warden and answers calmly "My fren' back there--he ain't got one."
Kaylee: So, um, how come you don't care where you're going?
Shepherd Book: 'Cause how you get there is the worthier part.

greensleep

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  • Posts: 97
Re: Post a joke
« Reply #273 on: March 02, 2014, 01:49:08 PM »
  two nuts were strolling down a dark New York alley; one was assaulted.
"Humor is the gadfly on the corpse of tragedy"    Ilyea Kuriaken, Man From Uncle

Lowell

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  • Posts: 1953
Re: Post a joke
« Reply #274 on: March 22, 2014, 02:13:30 PM »
To excite your neighbors, rename your wifi router to" NSA van23"
Lowell

2005 Cherokee28A TT
pulled by 2009 Dodge 1500 Crew Cab 4X4
KF7YET

Tempe, Arizona

greensleep

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  • Posts: 97
Re: Post a joke
« Reply #275 on: March 22, 2014, 07:22:46 PM »
A rabbi, priest, and Baptist minister walk together into a bar. The bartender looks up, shakes his head, looks down at the bar and says "is this a joke?".
"Humor is the gadfly on the corpse of tragedy"    Ilyea Kuriaken, Man From Uncle

redlabel

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Awakened at night
« Reply #276 on: March 31, 2014, 07:29:18 PM »
In the middle of the night a lady wakes up to find her husbands hand sliding over her breast and down along her side.
He continues on down her leg to her knee and runs his leg up along her inner thigh. He continues up to her other breast
and again down her side to her knee and caresses her inner thigh again. Suddenly he stops and rolls over. The wife now
aroused and realizing it has been a while pokes her husband and asks him why he stopped?

The husband answers, "found the remote".
People in a hurry . . . shouldn't play golf!

halfwright

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #277 on: March 31, 2014, 08:41:00 PM »
I did have my network named FBI Surveillance Van. My new one e is CIA Drone Control
Jim And Darlene Wright
Full-timing with
Ryder, half poodle-- half garbage disposal
All in a
2007 Montana Mountaineer
2002 F250 Super duty 7.3 liter

Molaker

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  • We don't camp. We tour.
    • Pumpkin and Us
Re: Post a joke
« Reply #278 on: March 31, 2014, 10:26:57 PM »
I did have my network named FBI Surveillance Van. My new one e is CIA Drone Control
Mine is named "Mind your own business".
Tom & Joyce and Ditto the "don't tell her she's a dog" Westie
U.S. Navy (Ret)
2014 Winnebago ERA 70X 24' class B Sprinter chassis

Frizlefrak

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  • Posts: 3575
  • El Paso, Texas
Re: Post a joke
« Reply #279 on: March 31, 2014, 11:26:47 PM »
Brunette goes to the doctor and proclaims "everywhere I touch myself, it hurts".  To demonstrate, she touched her ear and yelled "OUCH!".  Then she touched her knee and yelled "OUCH!!" .  Then she touched elbow and yelled "OUCH!!!".

The doctor said...."You're actually a blonde, aren't you?"

She replied...."Yes, how did you know?"

Doc replied...."Your finger is broken"

 :) :) :)
2014 Ram 2500 Cummins
2012 Palomino 30' TT

greensleep

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #280 on: April 02, 2014, 04:47:33 PM »
a patrolman pulls over an open top corvette with a blond driver. The woman at the wheel is wearing headphones attached to an mp3 player in her lap. The Trooper, now at her carside, asks her to remove the headphones and the blond just shrugs; the Trooper now gestures angrily to the driver to remove her headphones. The blond just shakes her head. no. So the officer reaches over the driver door and pulls off her headphones himself. In just a few seconds the blond's eyes roll back, her head drops forward; she appears dead. The officer happens to hear what her headphones have been playing "breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, .........."
"Humor is the gadfly on the corpse of tragedy"    Ilyea Kuriaken, Man From Uncle

greensleep

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #281 on: April 04, 2014, 04:00:52 PM »
My apologies to blond folks everywhere, but some jokes are too good to ignore. I hear many a joke re: my ethnic heritage and take no offense----as long as the party offering the joke is aware of the possibility of perpetuating stereotypes for the unsophisticated. No excuse, I suppose, but here comes another one---
    Two blonds are walking along a street; one stops, stoops over and picks up a flat folding plastic item from the sidewalk. After looking at it for a moment, she says to her companion " You know, I've seen the woman in this picture before". The second woman takes the item from her friend and, after looking at it for a moment says " Of course, it's a picture of me." She then puts the compact into her purse.
"Humor is the gadfly on the corpse of tragedy"    Ilyea Kuriaken, Man From Uncle

greensleep

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #282 on: April 17, 2014, 01:43:25 PM »
2 atoms strolling along, one says to the other, hey, be more careful, you've knocked an electron off me; 2nd atom--- "oh come on, are you sure?" "I'm positive!".
"Humor is the gadfly on the corpse of tragedy"    Ilyea Kuriaken, Man From Uncle

ranger magnum

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #283 on: April 17, 2014, 09:37:43 PM »
A pirate goes to the doctors office complaining of a pain in his groin. The doctor takes a look and says to the pirate "there's a steering wheel in your pants." The pirate says "aargg, I know, and it be driving me nuts! "
1993 36' fleetwood pace arrow diesel

greensleep

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #284 on: April 18, 2014, 09:26:30 AM »
It was said that Mahatma Ghandi, while walking across India, did the entire trip on bare feet. His diet consisted of mainly curried items which left him in a relatively weakened condition and with bad breath. One might say he was a  -----  super calloused fragile mystic with chronic halitosis.
Sorry
"Humor is the gadfly on the corpse of tragedy"    Ilyea Kuriaken, Man From Uncle

greensleep

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #285 on: April 23, 2014, 10:57:49 AM »
Here's another rather labored joke.
    A marine biologist had discovered a method to keep dolphins alive nearly for ever. It involved, however, the slaughter and use of Mynah birds. Needless to say, this process was abhorent to all animal lovers and PITA (it's radical elements especially). The government was interested in this biologist's work for clandestine reasons and would go to extreme measures to protect the project. These measures included chaining 2 fully grown aggressive lions to either side of the bldg. entrance where the research took place, to discourage protesters from entering. The lions had been trained to allow the researcher to enter the lab. though, of course. One might say he was ----transporting mynahs across state lions for immortal porpoises.
"Humor is the gadfly on the corpse of tragedy"    Ilyea Kuriaken, Man From Uncle

Tom Hoffman

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #286 on: April 23, 2014, 04:32:35 PM »
Here's another rather labored joke.
    A marine biologist had discovered a method to keep dolphins alive nearly for ever. It involved, however, the slaughter and use of Mynah birds. Needless to say, this process was abhorent to all animal lovers and PITA (it's radical elements especially). The government was interested in this biologist's work for clandestine reasons and would go to extreme measures to protect the project. These measures included chaining 2 fully grown aggressive lions to either side of the bldg. entrance where the research took place, to discourage protesters from entering. The lions had been trained to allow the researcher to enter the lab. though, of course. One might say he was ----transporting mynahs across state lions for immortal porpoises.

GROAN!!!
Wife said to me. "What cha doin' today?"  "Nothin'" says I.  "Ya did that yestiday!" Says she.  "I didn't get done!" says I

2003 F-350 Super Duty Lariat Dually 7.3 Diesel
2008 34' Sunny Brook, Brookside

llib enad

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #287 on: May 12, 2014, 08:30:28 AM »
When you are in your 80's , life is still enjoyable.  Example: wife and I have sex nearly every night of the week.

Nearly on Monday

Nearly on Tuesday

Nearly on ----------

Bill Dane
99 CC  Allure

greensleep

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #288 on: May 13, 2014, 05:54:36 PM »
Entropy ain't what it used to be.
"Humor is the gadfly on the corpse of tragedy"    Ilyea Kuriaken, Man From Uncle

vmyoung61

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #289 on: June 14, 2014, 08:04:27 PM »
My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he should be able to monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green.

When I'm in a bad mood, it leave a big red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond . . .
Steve and Gina
2017 Thor Palazzo 33.2
2017 Chevy Equinox toad

greensleep

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #290 on: June 15, 2014, 09:49:32 AM »

A patient in an asylum for the disturbed is in the attending psychiatrist's office for his weekly therapy session. The Dr asks the pt. to climb up a small ladder to retrieve a text from a high shelf for him. Upon reaching the top step and reaching for the book, the patient says "You know, these backless robes that we have to wear here make me feel very paranoid." The doc says "well, I can clearly see you're nuts."   








dr
"Humor is the gadfly on the corpse of tragedy"    Ilyea Kuriaken, Man From Uncle

Oakman

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #291 on: September 18, 2014, 08:58:29 AM »
I had to share this one from Larry the Cable Guy.


oldme

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #292 on: September 18, 2014, 12:59:48 PM »
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie " with their
8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony
with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood
activities.. .

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into
operation:

"An ambulance just drove by!"

"Looks like the Anderson' s have company," he called out.

"Matt's riding a new bike!"

"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"

"Jason is on his skate board!"

After a few moments he announced...

"The Coopers are having sex!"

Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed.

Dad cautiously called out...
"How do you know they're having sex?"

"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle .."

greensleep

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #293 on: September 19, 2014, 10:02:14 AM »
 :o Please keep in mind when reading the following joke that the person who sent it to me is not only my brother, but an attorney.
     What do you have when you have 10 lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?


     Not enough sand.
"Humor is the gadfly on the corpse of tragedy"    Ilyea Kuriaken, Man From Uncle

Molaker

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  • We don't camp. We tour.
    • Pumpkin and Us
Re: Post a joke
« Reply #294 on: September 27, 2014, 10:27:01 AM »
So, we were in the back yard toasting marshmallows for making s'mores when we heard a siren nearby.  Then we realized it was a firetruck coming down our street.  We ran to the front to see what was going on only to find our neighbor's house directly across the street was in flames.  The husband was standing out front with his wife.  We ran across the street to them.  The wife was sobbing on her husband.s shoulder.  So sad.  Then she looked up and glared at us.  It was a scary look that really surprised us.  Then we realized we were still holding our marshmallow sticks with fresh marshmallows stuck on the end.
Tom & Joyce and Ditto the "don't tell her she's a dog" Westie
U.S. Navy (Ret)
2014 Winnebago ERA 70X 24' class B Sprinter chassis

mypursuit

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #295 on: September 27, 2014, 12:02:38 PM »
Two young girls decided that they haven't seen there Grand Ma for quite some time so they pay her a visit.
Once inside and settled on the couch the small talk begins.
As they are talking the girls notice a bowl of peanuts on the coffee table and start helping themselves.
Soon it is time to leave and the girls apologize for eating all the peanuts, saying they will bring some next time they visit.
Grand Ma says," That's ok and kind of you but don't bother.  Since I lost my teeth all I can do is suck the chocolate off of them anyway."
1997 Georgie Boy Pursuit     2008 Ford Focus
P-30 / 454 Chevy w/ Stan's Headers, ceramic plug wires, cold air intake and K-N Air cleaner
Home Port Whidbey Island Washington
U.S. Navy 1970 - 1990
"Truth is the hardest thing you'll find, because you can't change it in the slightest way. " J. Paycheck

Tom Hoffman

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Re: Post a joke
« Reply #296 on: September 30, 2014, 08:45:45 PM »
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful?

I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!" The pastor fainted
Wife said to me. "What cha doin' today?"  "Nothin'" says I.  "Ya did that yestiday!" Says she.  "I didn't get done!" says I

2003 F-350 Super Duty Lariat Dually 7.3 Diesel
2008 34' Sunny Brook, Brookside

inscop

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  • Will patrol border for food!
Re: Post a joke
« Reply #297 on: October 07, 2014, 12:03:17 PM »
More lawyer jokes.  Sorry if any are repeats.

What is brown and black and looks good on an attorney"

A Doberman.

Yesterday, it was really cold.

How cold was it?

It was so cold, I saw an attorney with his hands in his OWN pockets.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
Rig: 2014 Forest River FR3
Furry non-verbal son:  Coqui, the Wonder Dog
Alpine, CA

lucille

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  • Posts: 27
Re: Post a joke
« Reply #298 on: October 08, 2014, 01:27:33 PM »
Tongue in cheek: Roses are red, violets are blue; I'm schizophrenic and so am I.  : - )
2013 Fourwinds 31L

greensleep

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  • Posts: 97
Re: Post a joke
« Reply #299 on: October 11, 2014, 08:37:01 AM »
I love myself, but it's unrequited.
"Humor is the gadfly on the corpse of tragedy"    Ilyea Kuriaken, Man From Uncle

 

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