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Subject: A New Study

A South American scientist, from Argentina, after a
lengthy study, has discovered that people with
insufficient sexual activities read their e-mails with
their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off, it's too late......
 
We thought it might be time to once again share a precious moment from the film 'Buck' where Betsy recites Buck's favorite joke; from a time when Buck was a little bit younger.

?'A sea captain sees an armed pirate ship approaching in the distance, and yells to his men, ?Get me my red shirt so that if they hit me they won?t see me bleed!?
Moments later, to his profound shock and dismay, he sees approaching over the horizon a dozen other armed pirate ships behind the first one, and yells to his men, ?Get me my brown pants!??
 
There are too many jokes posted to read them all, so I searched for a keyword prior to posting this.  Hope this is not a repeat:

A drunk stumbles into a church and wanders around until he finds the confessional.  He steps inside and closes the door.  The priest, clears his throat, with no response.  Finally, he taps on the window to which the drunk replies, "No use knocking, Buddy.  There's no paper on this side either.
 
What do you call a backseat driver? A nagavator.

My Samsung Galaxy is set to "postman", so every time I get a new email or (or purchase confirmation), a bell rings. Trevor's new saying this season: "Every time a bell rings, Roni got some new things". Man, do I get in trouble when my mother's on the computer sending me all the forwards in her in box! Ring, ring, ring!!!!!
 
Holiday Woes

The wail heard around the campground: "Does my butt make these jeans look small?"
 
Considering the weather in the Midwest now, I have to post this one.  Sorry guys!



God created the Midwest

On the    sixth day, God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said, "Today I am going to create an area of land called The Midwest.  It will be a land of    outstanding natural beauty.  It shall have tall hills and rolling plains full of game and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and streams full of trout,  forests full of deer and turkeys, valleys with fertile soil with an  abundance nutrients    to grow things, and rivers teeming with fish." God continued, "I shall make the land rich in resources so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Midwesterners, and they shall be known as the most friendly
people on the earth."

"But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Midwesterners??"

"Not really," replied God, "just wait and see the winters I am going to give them!"

 
Very good Jim. I am an ex-midwesterner so I loved it.

Some one asked me if I believed in astrology. I told him I was a Gemini and Geminis don't believe in astrology.
 
What kind of pizza did the Dalai Lama order....?

"One with everything"
 
I admit to being late to the party, so forgive me if you've heard this before.

Lil' Boudreaux and Lil' Thibideaux were out fishin' in the woods out by Bayou Teche one lazy summer day.  All of a sudden, the calm is shattered by a Game Warden jumping in front of the boys and shouting "LEMME SEE YO' FISHIN' LICENSE!"

Well, cher, Lil' Boo knew just what to do.  He t'roo down his cane rod an' took off thru the Bayou wit' the Game Warden in hot pursuit.  They zigged and zagged thru the Bayou, duckin' vines and dodgin' branches till, about a half-mile away, Lil' Boo ducked behind a cypress tree, grabbed his knees, and gasped for breat'.  The Game Warden tackled Lil' Boo, straddled him, pinned down his shoulders and shouted again "BOY, I SAID LEMME SEE YO' FISHIN' LICENSE!"  Wit' dat, Lil' Boo reached into his back pocket and pulled out a valid fishing license.

The Game Warden can't believe what's just happened.  "Boy, you must be some prize idiot," he says to Lil' Boo.  "Whatchoo doin' runnin' from me when you got a valid fishin' license?"

At that, Lil' Boo stops panting, smiles mischievously at the Game Warden and answers calmly "My fren' back there--he ain't got one."
 
A rabbi, priest, and Baptist minister walk together into a bar. The bartender looks up, shakes his head, looks down at the bar and says "is this a joke?".
 
In the middle of the night a lady wakes up to find her husbands hand sliding over her breast and down along her side.
He continues on down her leg to her knee and runs his leg up along her inner thigh. He continues up to her other breast
and again down her side to her knee and caresses her inner thigh again. Suddenly he stops and rolls over. The wife now
aroused and realizing it has been a while pokes her husband and asks him why he stopped?

The husband answers, "found the remote".
 
I did have my network named FBI Surveillance Van. My new one e is CIA Drone Control
 
Brunette goes to the doctor and proclaims "everywhere I touch myself, it hurts".  To demonstrate, she touched her ear and yelled "OUCH!".  Then she touched her knee and yelled "OUCH!!" .  Then she touched elbow and yelled "OUCH!!!".

The doctor said...."You're actually a blonde, aren't you?"

She replied...."Yes, how did you know?"

Doc replied...."Your finger is broken"

:) :) :)
 
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