Molaker
Well-known member
I know! I know! You forgot what it's called. Right?John From Detroit said:
Post a joke
- Thread starter 1joester2
- Start date
The friendliest place on the web for anyone with an RV or an interest in RVing!
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
SeilerBird
Well-known member
On Gilligan's Island they went on a three hour tour so why did they bring so much luggage?
Rene T
Site Team
SeilerBird said:
They were all boy scouts and girl scouts in their younger days. "Be prepared" ;D
Tin man
Well-known member
They took the tour on the way to the airport.
Molaker
Well-known member
A drunk was pestering the bar's customers for drinks. The bartender ordered him out if he couldn't buy his own drinks. So, the drunk says to the bartender, "If you'll buy me a drink, I'll drink that whole spittoon. If I don't finish it, I'll leave and not bother anyone again."
The bartender, thinking this might be a good way to get rid of the pest says, "Okay, start drinking. If you drink it all, I'll buy you a drink."
The drunk grabs up the spittoon full of the nights evil juices and start chugging it down. The bartender immediately gets sick and screams, "All right! All right! Enough! I'll buy you a drink, just stop drinking that and put it down!"
The drunk keeps gulping away. He finally finishes off the huge spittoon and with a slurp wipes his arm across his mouth and burps real big.
The green-faced bartender moans, "Why didn't you stop when I told you? Why did you keep drinking that foul stuff after I told you to stop?"
The drunk, reaching for his well deserved drink says, "I couldn't stop. It was all in one string."
The bartender, thinking this might be a good way to get rid of the pest says, "Okay, start drinking. If you drink it all, I'll buy you a drink."
The drunk grabs up the spittoon full of the nights evil juices and start chugging it down. The bartender immediately gets sick and screams, "All right! All right! Enough! I'll buy you a drink, just stop drinking that and put it down!"
The drunk keeps gulping away. He finally finishes off the huge spittoon and with a slurp wipes his arm across his mouth and burps real big.
The green-faced bartender moans, "Why didn't you stop when I told you? Why did you keep drinking that foul stuff after I told you to stop?"
The drunk, reaching for his well deserved drink says, "I couldn't stop. It was all in one string."
Tom Hoffman
Well-known member
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie.
?Tie me up,? she purred, ?and you can do anything you want.?
So he tied her up and went golfing!!!
?Tie me up,? she purred, ?and you can do anything you want.?
So he tied her up and went golfing!!!
Tom Hoffman
Well-known member
How To Give a Cat a Pill
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand.
Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.
Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away.
Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab.
Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
Take last pill from foil-wrap.
13) Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.
Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
;D ;D
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand.
Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.
Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away.
Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab.
Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
Take last pill from foil-wrap.
13) Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.
Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
;D ;D
cadee2c
Well-known member
How to Give a Dog a Pill
Put pill in chunk of weiner, give chunk of weiner to dog. ;D
Put pill in chunk of weiner, give chunk of weiner to dog. ;D
Lou Schneider
Site Team
- Joined
- Mar 14, 2005
- Posts
- 13,249
Grind up the pill and mix it into some canned dog food he likes.
Tom Hoffman
Well-known member
I should have known better than to post something about the sacred pets. ;D ;D
Dogs and cats ARE DIFFERENT. I challenge you to try your darndest to try your vaunted theories on a cat and see how it goes. I have the scars to prove the truth to the tale.
Vets use a pill forceps to get past the teeth and welding gloves. ;D ;D
Dogs and cats ARE DIFFERENT. I challenge you to try your darndest to try your vaunted theories on a cat and see how it goes. I have the scars to prove the truth to the tale.
Vets use a pill forceps to get past the teeth and welding gloves. ;D ;D
Molaker
Well-known member
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured. Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]The woman shut up and quietly sat down in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I golf."[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured. Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow.[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]The woman shut up and quietly sat down in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"[/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I golf."[/font]
greensleep
Well-known member
How about a 5th grade joke------------
What is bad for your teeth and orange?
A brick.
sorry
What is bad for your teeth and orange?
A brick.
sorry
Bill N
Well-known member
TO ALL THE KIDS
WHO SURVIVED the
1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and
NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank koolade made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because .
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING !
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day.
And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no sur round-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or chat rooms......
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays,
made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law!
These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned
HOW TO
DEAL WITH IT ALL!
If YOU are one of them . . . CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives
for our own good
And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and lucky) their parents were.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!
The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:
"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, ?Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
For those that prefer to think that God is not watching over us....go ahead and delete this.
For the rest of us.....pass this on.
______________________________
This was not really a joke at all was it?
WHO SURVIVED the
1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and
NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank koolade made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because .
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING !
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day.
And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no sur round-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or chat rooms......
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays,
made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law!
These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned
HOW TO
DEAL WITH IT ALL!
If YOU are one of them . . . CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives
for our own good
And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and lucky) their parents were.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!
The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:
"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, ?Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
For those that prefer to think that God is not watching over us....go ahead and delete this.
For the rest of us.....pass this on.
______________________________
This was not really a joke at all was it?
cadee2c
Well-known member
A nun walks into Mother Superior?s office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.
?What troubles you, Sister?? asked the Mother Superior. ?I thought this was the day you spent with your family.?
?It was,? sighed the Sister. ?And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.?
?I seem to recall that,? the Mother Superior agreed. ?So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing??
?Far from it,? snorted the Sister. ?In fact, I even took the Lord?s name in vain today!?
?Goodness, Sister!? gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. ?You must tell me all about it!?
?Well, we were on the fifth tee? and this hole is a monster, Mother ? 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg right and a hidden green? and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made.
And it?s flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted? and it hits a bird in mid-flight !?
?Oh my!? commiserated the Mother. ?How unfortunate! But surely that didn?t make you blaspheme, Sister!?
?No, that wasn?t it,? admitted Sister. ?While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!?
?Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!? sympathized the Mother.
?But I didn?t, Mother!? sobbed the Sister. ?And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!?
?So that?s when you cursed,? said the Mother with a knowing smile. ?Nope, that wasn?t it either,? cried the Sister, anguished, ?because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!?
Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said?
?You missed the fu*#ing putt, didn?t you??
?What troubles you, Sister?? asked the Mother Superior. ?I thought this was the day you spent with your family.?
?It was,? sighed the Sister. ?And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.?
?I seem to recall that,? the Mother Superior agreed. ?So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing??
?Far from it,? snorted the Sister. ?In fact, I even took the Lord?s name in vain today!?
?Goodness, Sister!? gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. ?You must tell me all about it!?
?Well, we were on the fifth tee? and this hole is a monster, Mother ? 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg right and a hidden green? and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made.
And it?s flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted? and it hits a bird in mid-flight !?
?Oh my!? commiserated the Mother. ?How unfortunate! But surely that didn?t make you blaspheme, Sister!?
?No, that wasn?t it,? admitted Sister. ?While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!?
?Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!? sympathized the Mother.
?But I didn?t, Mother!? sobbed the Sister. ?And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!?
?So that?s when you cursed,? said the Mother with a knowing smile. ?Nope, that wasn?t it either,? cried the Sister, anguished, ?because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!?
Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said?
?You missed the fu*#ing putt, didn?t you??
SeilerBird
Well-known member
The Quotes of Steven Wright:
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ..... But she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever ... So far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ..... But she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever ... So far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
greensleep
Well-known member
to continue with Steven Wright:
36. I came home one night to find that I'd been robbed and everything I owned had been replaced with an exact replica.
37. Returning home drunk one night, I accidentally used my car keys to open my house; it started right up so I took it for a drive, parking in the middle of a highway so that I could sit on my porch, yelling at people to get off my driveway.
36. I came home one night to find that I'd been robbed and everything I owned had been replaced with an exact replica.
37. Returning home drunk one night, I accidentally used my car keys to open my house; it started right up so I took it for a drive, parking in the middle of a highway so that I could sit on my porch, yelling at people to get off my driveway.
Molaker
Well-known member
Andrew the cattle drover from a huge cattle station in the Australian outback appeared before St Peter at the Pearly Gates.
Have you ever done anything of particular merit? St. Peter asked.
Well, I can think of one thing, the drover offered.
Once, on a trip to the back blocks of Broken Hill out in New South Wales, I came across a gang of bikers who were threatening a young sheila. I told them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, Now back off!!! Or Ill kick the **** out of the lot of ya!
St. Peter was impressed,
When did this happen?
A couple of minutes ago.
Have you ever done anything of particular merit? St. Peter asked.
Well, I can think of one thing, the drover offered.
Once, on a trip to the back blocks of Broken Hill out in New South Wales, I came across a gang of bikers who were threatening a young sheila. I told them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, Now back off!!! Or Ill kick the **** out of the lot of ya!
St. Peter was impressed,
When did this happen?
A couple of minutes ago.
Dragginourbedaround
Well-known member
May be politically incorrect but I couldn't resist.
What Aisle is the Polish Sausage in?
Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'prejudice' these days . . . . .
A customer asked, "In what aisle can I find the Polish sausage?"
The clerk asks, "Are you Polish?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something.
If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?
Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"
The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't."
The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Polish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Polish?"
The clerk replied, "Because you're in Ace Hardware."
What Aisle is the Polish Sausage in?
Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'prejudice' these days . . . . .
A customer asked, "In what aisle can I find the Polish sausage?"
The clerk asks, "Are you Polish?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something.
If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?
Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"
The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't."
The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Polish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Polish?"
The clerk replied, "Because you're in Ace Hardware."
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