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[size=24pt]There was a Mensa convention in San Francisco. (Mensa, as you probably know, is a national organization for people who have an IQ of 140 or higher).

Several of the Mensa members went for lunch at a local caf?. When they sat down, one of them discovered that their salt shaker contained pepper, and their pepper shaker was full of salt.

How could they swap the contents of the two bottles without spilling any, and using only the implements at hand? Clearly, this was a job for Mensa minds.

The group debated the problem and presented ideas and finally, came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer. They called the waitress over, ready to dazzle her with their solution. ?Ma?am,? they said, ?we couldn?t help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker has pepper. But before they could finish, the waitress interrupted: ?Oh sorry about that.?

She leaned over the table, unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them. There was dead silence at the Mensa table.

Kind of reminds you of the folks in Ottawa, Canada and Washington D.C., doesn?t it?[size=24pt]
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Not being a MENSA member I too would have swapped the caps.  But as it happens I do chat with a few of those from time to time... And ... Well... Joke is believable.
 
John From Detroit said:
Not being a MENSA member I too would have swapped the caps.  But as it happens I do chat with a few of those from time to time... And ... Well... Joke is believable.
John, I'm surprised to learn that you are NOT a member of Mensa International. :eek:

I hope my post is perceived to be  'On Topic'. ;) :D
 
I dialed a number and got the following recording:

?I am not available right now, but Thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the Beep. If I do not return your call, You are one of the changes.?
 
Just Lou said:
John, I'm surprised to learn that you are NOT a member of Mensa International. :eek:

I hope my post is perceived to be  'On Topic'. ;) :D

I have considered it,,, But it is borderline if I'd qualify.. and there are both advantages and disadvantages.

Alot of what I do is ruled by "Cost/Benefit" and at this point in my life the benefit is low.
 
Deer and elk are considered a normal road hazard on the highway.

Your daily commute takes you over three different trout streams, so you always have your rod in the car. Rifle also during hunting season.

Your driveway is used as a game trail.

High School home ec includes how to clean fish and butcher game.

You have 4 seasons: Almost winter, winter, winter ain't quite over, and highway construction.

Yardwork includes splitting firewood.

You always carry butcher paper and several sharp knives with you for any fresh roadkill you encounter.

Four inches of snow on the street is not enough for the road department to justify firing up the plows.

It snows on the fourth of July parade.

Your kid's halloween costume is designed to fit over a parka.

The local high school has a shooting team, and has a bigger booster club and more business sponsors than the football team.

High School driver ed starts with how to install tire chains, but every student already knows how, including the girls.

You know what a K tag is and how to read one.

The number one skill a dad teaches his son (or daughter) is not how to ride a bike or throw a ball, it is felling a tree with a chainsaw.

The largest department in the local Walmart is hunting/fishing supplies. The second largest Walmart department is ranch supply and livestock feed.

In mid-July you think about taking your snowshoes out of the back of the truck. But then you remember that September is just around the corner.

You have to pack your sunscreen, shorts, snowshoes, sunglasses, and snow gear for a weekend camping trip.

No one says it is cold until the temperature is below zero.

You know you live in the mountains when you have a small window air conditioner for use two weeks out of the year.
 
You know.. Some of those sound real familiar.  Though in Michigan, Large town or small. we have but two seasons.

Skiing and Road Construction.. and with some modern improvements in road construction,,,,they are overlapping.
 
Should I Really Join Facebook?

Read it all the way through! It?s a good laugh! AND really quite true!!

A good laugh for people in the over 70 group!!!

When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, my 13 grand kids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.

My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.

The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it?s red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.

I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, ?Re-calc-u-lating.? You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead. Well, it was not a good relationship ... When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.

To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven?t figured out how I lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions, checking bathrooms, and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.

The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden ?Paper or Plastic?? every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them with me.

Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, ?Paper or plastic?? I just say, ?Doesn?t matter to me. I am bi-sacksual.? Then it?s their turn to stare at me with a blank look. I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, No, but I do fart a lot.?

P.S. I know some of you are not over 70. I sent it to you to allow you to forward it to those who are ... Not me; I figured your sense of humor could handle it...

We senior citizens don?t need any more gadgets. The TV remote and the garage door remote are about all we can handle.
 
I like that bi-saxual... I forget which is the better option (paper or plastic) but from what I read long ago it's not the one you think it is... Page 2.

As for joining facebook...  Well.  It can be very ammusing... Some of the posts there are from folks who .. Well. let's just say they have no clue as to what the truth is and never will and won't believe it if you tell it to them... Can be fun playing wack-a-mole with their insane theories.
 
As for joining facebook...  Well.  It can be very ammusing... Some of the posts there are from folks who .. Well. let's just say they have no clue as to what the truth is and never will and won't believe it if you tell it to them... Can be fun playing wack-a-mole with their insane theories.

Are we to just accept that your views and theories are the "Truth"?  And that those who don't see the world/country situation through the same "rose colored glasses" as you, are uninformed, uneducated unbelievers?  :D
 
Lou, I believe he did say "some of the posts".  I thought the post was funny and, for the most part, accurate.  I don't belong to any of the social media sites and everyday see reasons why I have refrained from them.  Now, back to the jokes please.
 
I will say this.. I have seen some very opinionated people both telling each other that "you have no clue" eventually someone says prove it..

And one of them usually does

I had someone tell me "prove it" turns out the meme I'd shared was wrong.... But in a way that made it even worse for the person who ask me to prove it.. No, I won't say which one it was.

But well... I used to work with her.
 
Dog...

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ?Talking Dog For Sale ?He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

?You talk?? he asks.

?Yep, ? the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says ?So, what?s your story??

The Lab looks up and says, ?Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so ... I told the CIA.

In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.?

?I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running...

But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn?t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.

I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.?

?I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I?m just retired.?

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

?Ten dollars, ? the guy says.

?Ten dollars? This dog is amazing!

Why on earth are you selling him so cheap??

?Because he?s a Bullshipper. He?s never been out of the yard?
 
An elderly couple returned to a Mercedes dealership to find the salesman had just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde.

?I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $75,000 asking price,? said the man. ?Yet I just heard you closed the deal for $65,000 to that lovely young lady there. You insisted there could be no discount on this model.?

?Well, what can I tell you? She had the ready cash, and just look at her, how could I resist?? replied the grinning salesman.

Just then the young woman approached the old folks and handed them the keys. ?There you go,? she said. ?I told you I could get this joker to drop the price. See you later, Grandpa.?

Never mess with the elderly!
 
BoomerD said:
Heh-heh...I hate it when my dog tells me the voices in my head are lying to me... 8)


;D I know the voices in my head are not real.

But they have some really great ideas!  :eek: :D
 
The doctor asked if I had always suffered with insanity? He seemed puzzled with my answer "Goodness no... most of the time I thoroughly enjoyed it"

Sign on my door:  WARNING, the little voices in my head telling me to hurt someone are especially loud today.
 
whiteva said:
The doctor asked if I had always suffered with insanity? He seemed puzzled with my answer "Goodness no... most of the time I thoroughly enjoyed it"

Sign on my door:  WARNING, the little voices in my head telling me to hurt someone are especially loud today.

"Dr asked if insanity ran in my family... I said 'no, it walks and takes its time with us.'"
 
The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T. Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk. 8)
 
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