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The Black Telephone...

For those who remember...

Those of us old enough to remember when the phone was wired to the wall, usually in the kitchen, can relate to this story.  I loved this read.

The Black Telephone

When I was a young boy, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember the polished, old case fastened to the wall. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box.. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked to it.

Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person. Her name was "Information Please" and there was nothing she did not know. Information Please could supply anyone's number and the correct time.
My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day while my mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer, the pain was terrible, but there seemed no point in crying because there was no one home to give sympathy. I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway. The telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it to the landing. Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver in the parlor and held it to my ear.

"Information, please," I said into the mouthpiece just above my head.

A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear.

"Information."

"I hurt my finger..." I wailed into the phone, the tears came readily enough now that I had an audience..

"Isn't your mother home?" came the question.

"Nobody's home but me," I blubbered.

"Are you bleeding?" the voice asked.

"No, "I replied. "I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts."

"Can you open the icebox?" she asked.

I said I could.

"Then chip off a little bit of ice and hold it to your finger," said the voice..

After that, I called "Information Please" for everything. I asked her for help with my geography, and she told me where Philadelphia was. She helped me with my math.

She told me my pet chipmunk that I had caught in the park just the day before, would eat fruit and nuts.

Then, there was the time Petey, our pet canary, died. I called, "Information Please," and told her the sad story. She listened, and then said things grown-ups say to soothe a child. But I was not consoled. I asked her, "Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a cage?"

She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, "Wayne, always remember that there are other worlds to sing in."

Somehow I felt better.

Another day I was on the telephone, "Information Please."

"Information," said in the now familiar voice.

"How do I spell fix?" I asked.

All this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest. When I was nine years old, we moved across the country to Boston. I missed my friend very much.

"Information Please" belonged in that old wooden box back home and I somehow never thought of trying the shiny new phone that sat on the table in the hall. As I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me.

Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy.

A few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down in Seattle. I had about a half-hour or so between planes. I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown operator and said, "Information Please."

Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well.

"Information."

I hadn't planned this, but I heard myself saying,

"Could you please tell me how to spell fix?"

There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer, "I guess your finger must have healed by now."

I laughed, "So it's really you," I said. "I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during that time?"

"I wonder," she said, "if you know how much your calls meant to me. I never had any children and I used to look forward to your calls."

I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I could call her again when I came back to visit my sister.

"Please do," she said. "Just ask for Sally."

Three months later I was back in Seattle.

A different voice answered, "Information."

I asked for Sally.

"Are you a friend?" she said.

"Yes, a very old friend," I answered.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this," She said. "Sally had been working part time the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks ago."

Before I could hang up, she said, "Wait a minute, did you say your name was Wayne ?" "

"Yes." I answered.

"Well, Sally left a message for you. She wrote it down in case you called. Let me read it to you."

The note said, "Tell him there are other worlds to sing in. He'll know what I mean."

I thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant.

Never underestimate the impression you may make on others. Whose life have you touched today?

Why not pass this on? I just did....

Lifting you on eagle's wings.

May you find the joy and peace you long for.

Life is a journey... NOT a guided tour.

I loved this story and just had to pass it on.. I hope you find it lovable too. Life is short; drink the good wine first. 

Man, that needs to be in it's own thread. :'( Thank you for the story.

Two 90-year old guys, Leo and Frank, had been friends all of their lives.

When it was clear that Leo was dying, Frank visited him every day.

One day Frank said? Leo, we both loved playing softball all our lives, and we played all through High School.

Please do me one favor: when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there?s softball there.?

Leo looked up at Frank from his deathbed and said, ?Frank you?ve been my best friend for many years.

If it?s at all possible, I?ll do this favor for you.?

Shortly after that, Leo passed.

A few nights later, Frank was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, ?Frank ... Frank?.

?Who is it?? asked Frank sitting up suddenly. ?Who is it??

?Leo-- it?s me, Leo?

?You?re not Leo, Leo just died.?

?I?m telling you, it?s me, Leo? insisted the voice.

?Leo! Where are you??

?In Heaven, ? replied Leo. ?I have some really good news and a little bad news.?

?Tell me the good news first, ? said Frank.

?The good news, ? Leo said, ?is that there?s softball in Heaven. Better yet all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we?re all young again.

Better still, it?s always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play softball all we want, and we never get tired.?

?That?s fantastic, ? said Frank ?It?s beyond my wildest dreams! So what?s the bad news??

?You?re pitching Tuesday!?

Life is uncertain - eat dessert first. ;D ;D

Air Conditioned History Lesson...

The Goldberg Brothers - The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner

Here?s a little fact for automotive buffs, or just to dazzle your friends.

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.

The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford?s office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office.

They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.

They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.

The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.

The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, ?The Goldberg Air-Conditioner, ? on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.

Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Jewish, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg?s name on two million Fords.

They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.

And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show -- Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls.

Control yourself!

$86,400....

Posted: August 15, 2016 - 11:06:11 am
This a thought piece

THE MAGIC BANK ACCOUNT

THE AUTHOR IS NOT KNOWN. IT WAS FOUND IN THE BILLFOLD OF COACH PAUL BEAR BRYANT, ALABAMA, AFTER HE DIED IN 1982

The Magic Bank Account

Imagine that you had won the Following PRIZE in a contest: Each morning your bank would deposit $86,400

In your private account for your use.

However, this prize has Rules:

The set of Rules:

1. Everything that you didn?t spend during each day would be taken away from you.

2. You may not simply transfer money into some other account.

3. You may only spend It.

4. Each morning upon awakening, The bank opens your account with another $86,400 for that Day.

5. The bank can end the game without warning; at any time, it can say, Game Over!? It can close the account, and you will not receive a new one.

What would you personally Do?

You would buy anything and Everything you wanted right? Not only for yourself, but for all the people you love and care for. Even for people you don?t know, because you couldn?t possibly spend it all on yourself, right?

You would try to spend every penny, and use it all, because you knew it would be replenished in the morning, right?

ACTUALLY, This GAME is REAL

...

Shocked???

YES!

Each of us is already a winner Of this PRIZE.

We just can?t seem to see it.

The PRIZE is TIME

1. Each morning we awaken to Receive 86,400 seconds as a gift of Life.

2. And when we go to sleep at Night, any remaining time is Not credited to us.

3. What we haven?t used up that Day is forever lost.

4. Yesterday is forever Gone.

5. Each morning the account is Refilled, but the bank can dissolve your account at any time WITHOUT WARNING...

SO, what will YOU do with your 86,400 seconds?

Those seconds are worth so much More than the same amount in dollars.

Think about it and remember to Enjoy every second of your life, because time races by so much quicker than You think.

So take care of yourself, be Happy, love deeply and enjoy life!

Here?s wishing you a wonderful And beautiful day.

Start spending...

?DON?T COMPLAIN ABOUT GROWING OLD... !?

SOME PEOPLE DON?T GET THE PRIVILEGE!

Forward this to everyone you care about!

The Middle Wife...

The ?middle wife? by an anonymous 2nd grade teacher:    ;D

I?ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I love show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they?re welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. ?this is Luke, my baby brother, and I?m going to tell you about his birthday.? first, mum and dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then dad put a seed in my mum?s stomach, and luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.?

She?s standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I?m trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

Then, about two saturdays ago, my mum starts going, ?oh, oh, oh, oh!? Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. ?she walked around the house for, like an hour, ?oh, oh, oh!? (now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

My dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn?t have a sign on the car like the domino?s man. They got my mum to lie down in bed like this.? (then erica lies down with her back against the wall.) ?and then, pop! My mum had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!? (this kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away.

(it was too much!)

Then the middle wife starts saying ?push, push, ? and ?breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from mum?s play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there.

When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there in the first place.?

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I?m sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it?s show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another ?middle wife? comes along.

Now you have two choices ... Laugh and close this page or pass this along to someone else to spread the laughs. I know what I did!!!

Live every day as if it is your last chance to make someone happy!

That was a good  one Tom  ;D

Best use of Technology Award...

I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

?This is the 21st century? she said. ?We don?t waste money on newspapers. Here ... use my iPad.?

I can tell you this ... that fly never knew what hit him...

FYI... My wife is a 6' Tall Blonde and my name as you know is "Tom".  This my real life adventure story....

My wife's Cookbook

Monday

It?s fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls...

Tuesday

Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn?t dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.

Wednesday

A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can?t say it improved the rice any.

Thursday

Today Tom asked for salad again I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients; lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden...

Friday

I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

Saturday Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I don?t have any clothes that fit it, and for some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.

Sunday

Tom?s folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius ... I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week! I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with a chocolate moose.

My wide goes into a coffee shop and notices there?s a ?peel and win? sticker on her coffee cup.

So she peels it off and starts screaming,

?I?ve won a motor home!

I?ve won a motor home!?

The waitress says, ?That?s impossible.

The biggest prize is a free Lunch.??

But my wife  keeps on screaming,

?I?ve won a motorhome!

I?ve won a motorhome!?

Finally, the manager comes over and says,

?Ma?am, I?m sorry, but you?re mistaken.

You couldn?t have possibly won a motor home because we didn?t have that as a prize.

My wife says, ?No, it?s not a mistake.

I?ve won a motor home!?

And she hands the ticket to the manager and HE reads... (YOU?RE GOING TO LOVE THIS!!!!!!. I PROMISE!)
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?W I N A B A G E L?

Thought piece...

Written by a 90 year old This is something we should all read at least once a week! Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio.

?To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I?ve ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn?t fair, but it?s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won?t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don?t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It?s more healing than crying alone.
8. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
9. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
10. Make peace with your past so it won?t screw up the present.
11. It?s OK to let your children see you cry.
12. Don?t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
13. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn?t be in it.
14. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
15. Get rid of anything that isn?t useful, beautiful or joyful.
16. Whatever doesn?t kill you really does make you stronger.
17. It?s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
18. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don?t take no for an answer.
19. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don?t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
20. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
21. Be eccentric now. Don?t wait for old age to wear purple.
22. The most important sex organ is the brain.
23. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
24. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ?In five years, will this matter??
25. Always choose life.
26. Forgive everyone everything.
27. What other people think of you is none of your business.
28. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
30. Don?t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
31. Believe in miracles.
32. Don?t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
33. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
34. Your children get only one childhood.
35. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
36. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
37. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else?s, we?d grab ours back.
38. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
39. The best is yet to come...
40. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
41. Yield.
42. Life isn?t tied with a bow, but it?s still a gift.?
43. Friends are the family that we choose.

The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations.  I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.

I always wondered what the job application is at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”

Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s on your birthday, your life sucks!

The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.

On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week. Whereas, a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is very upsetting news to me. I had no idea I was Japanese.

I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor.”

I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

What is it about a car that makes people think we can't see them pick their noses?

Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Ellie, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

yolo said:

What is it about a car that makes people think we can't see them pick their noses?

Click to expand...

That's funny stuff right there. True, but funny ;D

Just remember you can pick your friends,
you can pick your nose,
but you can't pick your friends nose.

Just remember you can pick your friends,
you can pick your nose,
but you can't pick your friends nose.

Click to expand...

We can't? Oh.... oops!

This Scary but How True It Is!

If my body were a car...

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I?ve got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my point job is getting a little dull... ?But? that?s not the worst of it!

My headlights are out of focus and it?s especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best weather.

My whitewall are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But Here?s The Worst Of It...

Almost Every Time I sneeze, Cough Or Sputter, Either My Radiator Leaks Or My Exhaust Backfires!!!!!

No one believes seniors ... everyone thinks they are senile.

An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they?d shared, where Jerry had carved I love you, Sally.

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money - fifty thousand dollars!

Jerry said, ?We?ve got to give it back.?

Sally said, ?Finders keepers.? She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. ?Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armoured car yesterday??

Sally said, ?No.?

Jerry said, ?She?s lying. She hid it up in the attic.?

Sally said, ?Don?t believe him, he?s getting senile.?

The agents turned to Jerry and began to question him. One said: ?Tell us the story from the beginning.?

Jerry said, ?Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday...?

The first police officer turned to his partner and said, ?Were outta here.?

A SENIORS PERSPECTIVE OF FACEBOOK.

For those of my generation who do not, and cannot, comprehend why Facebook exists: I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.

Therefore, every day I walk down the street and tell passersby what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later and with whom.

I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and of me gardening, taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch, sharing recipes, and doing what anybody and everybody does every day.

I also listen to their conversations, give them the ?thumbs up? and tell them I like them. And it works just like Facebook.

I already have four people following me: two police officers, a private investigator and a psychiatrist. ;D ;D ;D

SPREAD IT AROUND!!!!

Yes indeed, they walk among us.

DC Airport Ticket Agent

This is priceless funny stuff; but alas, is only a small indication of how much trouble our country is in.

A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of ?why? our country is in trouble:

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn?t get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)

2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman?s (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ??I?m not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts... ??

Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ??Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa ??his response -- click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) �prez candidate--called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that?s not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.

He replied, ?don?t lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!?? (OMG)

4. I got a call from a lawmaker?s wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ??Is it possible to see England from Canada??? I said, ??No.??

She said, ??But they look so close on the map.?? (OMG, again!)

5. An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ??I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.?? (Aghhhh)

6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.

I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn?t understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ??Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom???

I said, ?No, why do you ask??

He replied, ??Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I?m overweight. I think that?s very rude!??

After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, Ca. is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage.

8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, ??Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii???

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright from Ala who asked, ??How do I know which plane to get on???

I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ??I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have that number on them.??

10. Senator Dianne Feinstein called and said, ??I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes???

I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane.

She said, ??Yeah, whatever, smarty!??

11. Mary Landrieu, La. Senator called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. ?Oh, no I don?t. I?ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.??

I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, ??Look, I?ve been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!??

12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ??I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York.??

I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ??Are you sure that?s the name of the town???

?Yes, what flights do you have??? replied the man.

After some searching, I came back with, ??I?m sorry, sir, I?ve looked up every airport code in the country and can?t find a rhino anywhere.?

??The man retorted, ??Oh, don?t be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!??

So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ??You don?t mean Buffalo, do you???

The reply? ??Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.??

Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it?s in!

Could anyone be this DUMB?

YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED...

Like manure, you just gotta spread it around.

Tom Hoffman, your post would be hilarious if it weren't so sad and depressing. I once had a politician for a dental patient. She fussed around and made phone calls during her appointment time. When I told her that she was using up the time I had to help her with her toothache, she said, "Do you know who I am?" "Yes, ma'am, I know, but there are other patients waiting." I finally got her settled in the chair and explained that I was going to anesthetize the area I needed to work on. As I proceeded with the injection she screamed like a banshee, louder than any child I had ever had in my chair. When I finished the injection, she said, "That wasn't bad. Did you give me a shot? I didn't feel a thing."  :

I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector because the loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.