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Nostalgia (Are We Old?) I came across this phrase in a book yesterday ?FENDER SKIRTS?. A term I haven?t heard in a long time and thinking about ?fender skirts? started me thinking about other words that quietly disappear from our language with hardly a notice.

Like ?curb feelers? and ?steering knobs.? Since I?d been thinking of cars, my mind naturally went that direction first. Any kids will probably have to find some elderly person over 50 to explain some of these terms to you.

Remember ?Continental kits?? They were rear bumper extenders and spare tire covers that were supposed to make any car as cool as a Lincoln Continental.

When did we quit calling them ?emergency brakes?? At some point ?parking brake? became the proper term. But I miss the hint of drama that went with ?emergency brake.?

I?m sad, too, that almost all the old folks are gone who would call the accelerator the ?foot feed.?

Did you ever wait at the street for your daddy to come home, so you could ride the ?running board? up to the house?

Here?s a phrase I heard all the time in my youth but never anymore - ?store-bought.? Of course, just about everything is store-bought these days. But once it was bragging material to have a store-bought dress or a store-bought bag of candy.

?Coast to coast? is a phrase that once held all sorts of excitement and now means almost nothing. Now we take the term ?world wide? for granted. This floors me.

On a smaller scale, ?wall-to-wall? was once a magical term in our homes. In the ?50s, everyone covered his or her hardwood floors with, wow, wall-to-wall carpeting! Today, everyone replaces their wall-to-wall carpeting with hardwood floors. Go figure.

When?s the last time you heard the quaint phrase ?in a family way?? It?s hard to imagine that the word ?pregnant? was once considered a little too graphic, a little too clinical for use in polite company. So we had all that talk about stork visits and ?being in a family way? or simply ?expecting.?

Apparently ?brassiere? is a word no longer in usage. I said it the other day and my daughter cracked up. I guess it?s just ?bra? now. ?Unmentionables? probably wouldn?t be understood at all.

I always loved going to the ?picture show,? but I considered ?movie? an affectation.

Most of these words go back to the ?50s, but here?s a word I came across the other day from the 60?s - ?rat fink.? Ooh, what a nasty put-down!

Here?s a word I miss - ?percolator.? That was just a fun word to say. And what was it replaced with? ?Coffeemaker.? How dull. Mr. Coffee, I blame you for this.

I miss those made-up marketing words that were meant to sound so modern and now sound so retro. Words like ?DynaFlow? and ?Electrolux.? Introducing the 1963 Admiral TV, now with ?SpectraVision!?

Food for thought - Was there a telethon that wiped out lumbago? Nobody complains of that anymore. Maybe that?s what castor oil cured, because I never hear mothers threatening their kids with castor oil anymore.

Some words aren?t gone, but are definitely on the endangered list. The one that grieves me most is ?supper.? Now everybody says ?dinner.? Save a great word. Invite someone to supper. Discuss fender skirts.

Someone forwarded this to me. I thought some of us of a ?certain age? would remember most of these.

Just for fun, Pass it along to others of ?a certain age.? 8) 8)
 
I like that. ;D Remember foot dimmer switches and heel and toe while downshifting? Our granddaughters were mystified the first time they rode in our truck, they couldn't find the power window switch. I showed them how to work the crank but they weren't impressed.
 
The first truck I got to "drive" on the farm also had a foot starter. I had to make sure it was in neutral to start because my foot was too short to work the gas pedal and push the starter down at the same time, so I had to use both feet to start and wasn't able to push down the clutch. When was the last time you thought about having to work the gas pedal when you started your vehicle?
 
First vehicle I drove most folks could not FIND the starter,, It was a farm tractor with 4 forward speeds. Reverse, and START on the manual tranny (Reverse you lifted shifter to get past the lock out and moved RIGHT and Back, Start was Lift-Right-Forward)

Electrolux used to advertise "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux" but they had to drop that slogan.. Seems that overseas based script-head cuss-some-more service sucks even stronger than an electrolux.

Have driven 3,4,5,10,15 speed stick shifts  used foot dimmer and starter buttons.  And once impressed another RVer when I backed onto my site.. But hey, backing a class A straight up is .. Well.. it don't get easier than that.. Catch is this.. I can do it with a trailer as easily.
 
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and sex 24.7 Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate



DEAR DESPERATE

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Tooting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!

 
God Bless America !

A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of 'why' our country is in trouble:


1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)

2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts ....''

Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts , Capetown is in Africa '' his response -- click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) ?presidential candidate---called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando . He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.  He replied, 'don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!'' (OMG)

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada ?''
I said, ''No.''  She said, ''But they look so close on the map.'' (OMG, again!)

5. An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas . I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas . When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)

6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.  I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones.

Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?'  He replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight.  I think that's very rude!''

After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , Ca. is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage.

8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii . After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?''

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright from Ala who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?''  I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have that number on them.''

10. Senator Dianne Feinstein called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?''  I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola , FL on a commuter plane.  She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''

11. Mary Landrieu , La. Senator called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China.  After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. 'Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.''

I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''

12 A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .''  I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?''  'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man.  After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."  ''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!'' So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo , do you?''

The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''


Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in!  Could anyone be this DUMB?

YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS,AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED..
 
#6 reminds me of my aunt's elderly mother. She could never understand why the flight from Vancouver to London was so much longer than the return. ;D
 
RoyM said:
#6 reminds me of my aunt's elderly mother. She could never understand why the flight from Vancouver to London was so much longer than the return. ;D

Me: "It goes slow uphill, then comes back down fast."

Blondie: "Oh, OK!"
 
The Perfect Man

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, ?Perfect timing. You?re just like Frank.?

Passenger: ?Who??

Cabbie: ?Frank Feldman. He?s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.?

Passenger: ?There are always a few clouds over everybody.?

Cabbie: ?Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.?

Passenger: ?Sounds like he was really something special.?

Cabbie: ?There?s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody?s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right.?

Passenger: ?Wow, what a guy!?

Cabbie: ?He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.?

Passenger: ?How did you meet him??

Cabbie: ?I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife.
 
A poem to which we can relate

I remember the corned beef of my Childhood,
And the bread that we cut with a knife,
When the Children helped with the housework,
And the men went to work, not the wife.

The cheese never needed a fridge,
And the bread was so crusty and hot,
The Children were seldom unhappy,
And the Wife was content with her lot.

I remember the milk from the bottle,
With the yummy cream on the top,
Our dinner came hot from the oven,
And not from a freezer; or shop.

The kids were a lot more contented,
They didn?t need money for kicks,
Just a game with their friends in the road,
And sometimes the Saturday flicks.

I remember the shop on the corner,
Where biscuits for pennies were sold
Do you think I?m a bit too nostalgic?
Or is it ... I?m just getting Old?

Bathing was done in a wash tub,
With plenty of rich foamy suds
But the ironing seemed never ending
As Mum pressed everyone?s ?duds?.

I remember the slap on my backside,
And the taste of soap if I swore
Anorexia and diets weren?t heard of
And we hadn?t much choice what we wore.

Do you think that bruised our ego?
Or our initiative was destroyed?
We ate what was put on the table
And I think life was better enjoyed.

Author, Unknown...

If you can remember those days...
Continue to enjoy your Retirement.
 
Scottish Christmas Fruit Cake Recipe

Ingredients:


1 cup water
1 cup of sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
nuts
1 gallon whiskey

Directions:

Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
Take a large bowl.
Check the whiskey again to be sure it is
of the highest quality.
Pour one level cup and drink.
Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter
in a large, fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still OK.
Cry another tup. Turn off mixer.
Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck
in the cup of dried fruit.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers,
pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something, Who cares.
Check the whiskey.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something.
Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Throw the bowl out of the window.
Check the whiskey again.
Go to bed.
Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway?
:p
 
It?s just dawned on me...

My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.

He has his food prepared for him. He can eat whenever he wants.

His meals are provided at no cost to him.

He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.

For this he pays nothing and nothing is required of him.

He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs and he is not required to do any upkeep...

If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.

He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.

He receives these accommodations absolutely free.

He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever...

All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick...

OMG! I think my dog is a member of Congress!
 
Retirement

I changed my Truck horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

I decided to stop calling the bathroom the ?John? and renamed it the ?Jim?. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

The biggest lie I tell myself is...?I don?t need to write that down, I?ll remember it.?

Why do I have to press one for English when you?re just going to transfer me to someone I can?t understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.

I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager) I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don?t have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don?t have a curfew. I have a driver?s license and my own car. I have ID that gets me into bars and the whisky store. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant. And I don?t have acne.

Life is great. I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can?t remember their names
 
Tom Hoffman said:
Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.

My factbook profile photo at the moment is a T-Shirt I got at Fred's Discount here in Darian, GA.

Blue with white lettering.

When I wear it I get lots of "like your shirt" comments

If you have not already guessed what it says,, It's the quoted text.

I have too many T-Shirts, I may well never buy another one (less it's as good as that one )_ and even then at a Thrift, not at a Retail. But.. Well that one was too good to pass up.
 
Young people have theirs, NOW, we ?Seniors? have our own texting codes:

* ATD - At the Doctor?s
* BFF - Best Friends Funeral
* BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
* BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth
* CBM - Covered by Medicare
* CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
* DWI - Driving While Incontinent
* FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
* GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
* GHA - Got Heartburn Again
* HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement
* LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
* LOL - Living on Lipitor
* OMSG - Oh My! Sorry, Gas
* TOT - Texting on Toilet
* WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?
Hope these help...

And the best one is:

GGLKI (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in!)
 

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