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A TEST FOR OLD KIDS

Read the questions and fill in the blanks. The answers are below, but don?t cheat.

01. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, Who was that masked man? Invariably, someone would answer, I don?t know, but he left this behind What did he leave behind? ________________.

02. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we all watched them on The _______________ Show.

03.?Get your kicks, ___________________.?

04. ?The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed ___________________.?

05. ?In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ________________.?

06. After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we ?danced? under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the? ?_____________.?

07. ?NESTLES?, Nestle?s makes the very best... _______________.?

08. Satchmo was America?s ?Ambassador of Goodwill.? Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was _________________.

09. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? _______________.

10. Red Skelton?s hobo character was named __________________ and Red always ended his television show by saying, ?Good Night, and ?________ ________?.

11. Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning their______________.

12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the front was called the VW.?What other names did it go by? ____________ &? _______________?

13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, ?the day the music died.?This was a tribute to? ___________________.

14. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it. It was called ___________________.

15. One of the big fads of the late 50?s and 60?s was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the? ________________.!













ANSWERS:

01. The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet.
02. The Ed Sullivan Show
03. On Route 66
04. To protect the innocent.
05. The Lion Sleeps Tonight
06. The limbo
07. Chocolate
08. Louis Armstrong
09. The Timex watch
10. Freddy, The Freeloader, and ?Good Night, and may God Bless.?
11. Draft cards (Bras were also burned.)
12. Beetle or Bug
13. Buddy Holly
14. Sputnik
15. Hoola-hoop
 
Technology!!

Isn?t this the truth ... were getting old at the right time...

Dearest Dad,

I am coming home to get married soon, so get your check book out. I?m in love with a boy who is far away from me.

As you know, I am in Australia ... and he lives in Scotland. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp. He proposed to me on Skype, and now we?ve had two months of a relationship through Viber.

My beloved and favorite Dad, I need your blessing, good wishes, and a really big wedding.

Lots of love and thanks
Your favorite daughter,
Lilly



THE RESPONSE

My Dear Lilly,

Like Wow! Really? Cool!

Whatever ... I suggest you two get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon, and pay for it all through PayPal.

And when you get fed up with this new husband, sell him on eBay.

Love,
Your Dad
 
Qu?bec Contractor...

Three contractors were bidding to fix a broken fence at an Ottawa property...

One is from Vancouver, another is from Toronto and the third is from Quebec. All three go with a Government official to examine the fence.

The Vancouver contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. ?Well,? he says, ?I figure the job will run you about $900... $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.?

The Toronto contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, ?I can do this job for $700... $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.?

The Quebec contractor doesn?t measure or figure anything, but leans over to the government official and whispers, ?$2,700.?

The official, incredulous, says, ?But you didn?t even measure like the other guys! And how did you come up with such a high figure?? The Quebec contractor whispers back, ?$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Toronto to fix the fence.?

?Done!? replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how Quebec Government contracting works.

I think the same system is working in America as well.
 
After years of traveling the world outdoors, I've come to the conclusion that, with all the species of snakes in this world, I can narrow down the list of snakes that I truly hate to three.  I hate big snakes.  I hate little snakes.  And I hate sticks that look like snakes.
 
Where to retire: You can retire to Arizona where...

1. You are willing to park three blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2. You?ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town
4 You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that ?dry heat? is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at 500 degrees.
6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

-OR

You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $450,000 and you still can?t afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
5. The four seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.

-OR-

You can retire to New York City where...
1 You say ?the city? and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can?t find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is ?nature.?
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
5. You?ve worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car.)
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression

-OR-

You can retire to Michigan where...
1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.

-OR-

You can retire to The Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2 ?Y?all? is singular and ?all y?all? is plural.
3. ?He needed killin? is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either: ?in yonder,? ?over yonder? or ?out yonder.?
6. You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say ?Bless his heart? at the end!

-OR-

You can move to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

-OR-

You can retire to Nebraska or Kansas where...
1. You?ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor
3. You have had to switch from ?heat? to ?A/C? on the same day.
4. You end every sentence with a preposition; ?Where?s my coat at??

-OR-

FINALLY, you can retire to Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
 
RE :  Where to Retire      Showed this to my brother.  His reply:

You can retire to Washington (the State)

1) you can choose East side (Conservative) or West side (Liberal)

2) East side has hot summers and cold winters; West side more moderate  with ocean breezes

3) East side has farms and ranches; West side has Microsoft and Amazon

4) East side has 4X4 pickups, ATVs and tractors; West side has electric cars and bicycles

5) on the East side with a million dollars you can buy a ranch or farm with a house; on the West Side you can buy a house with neighbors.
 
The family was sitting down to dinner, little Johnny started eating as soon as the plate hit the table. His mother said"Johnny, you know to wait until grace has been said".
"I don't have to" the boy replied.
"Yes you do" said his mother. "Just like at home".
He replied "That's at home but we are at grandma's and she can cook".
 
Subject: Low oil?

Now why didn?t I think of this before now?????

A lot of folks can?t understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in America.

Well, there?s a very simple answer.

Nobody bothered to check the oil.

We just didn?t know we were getting low.

The reason for that is purely geographical.

Our OIL is located in Alaska, California, Oklahoma, and Texas.

Our DIPSTICKS are located in Washington DC
 
1. Law of Mechanical Repair

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you?ll have to pee.

2 Law of Gravity Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3 Law of Probability The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4 Law of Random Numbers If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

5 Variation Law If you change queues (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

6 Law of the Bath When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.

7 Law of Close Encounters The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don?t want to be seen with.

8 Law of the Result When you try to prove to someone that a machine won?t work, IT WILL!!!

9 Law of Biomechanics The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

10. Law of the Theatres & Sports Arenas - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last ... They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

11. The Coffee Law As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

12. Murphy?s Law of Lockers If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

13. Law of Physical Surfaces The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

14. Law of Logical Argument Anything is possible IF you don?t know what you are talking about.

15. Law of Physical Appearance If the clothes fit, they?re ugly.

16. Law of Public Speaking -- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!

17. Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy- As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!

18. Doctors? Law If you don?t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you?ll feel better. But don?t make an appointment and you?ll stay sick.

If you don?t forward this to your friends, your belly button will unscrew and your butt will fall off. Really ... It?s true. I read it on the Internet!
 
TO ALL THE KIDS 
WHO SURVIVED the 
1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !! 
 
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes. 
 
Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints. 
 
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking. 
As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags. 
 
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat. 
 
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. 
 
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and 
 
NO ONE actually died from this. 
 
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank koolade made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because . 
 
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING ! 
 
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. 
 
No one was able to reach us all day. 
 
And we were O.K. 
 
 
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem. 
 
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no sur round-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or chat rooms...... 
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! 
 
I know this is Post a joke but I'm going to get a bit serious for just a post.. You mentioned. "WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING ! "

Study after Study has shown this is good for your eventual long term health.  Being outside, exposed to DIRT and GERMS builds a strong immune system and means many conditions that later in life could be major problems... Will be at worst MINOR problems.  have seen this in my own life as well.. I grew up on a dairy farm.. not only exposed to dirt and germs and animals but.. Well I've shoveled Political promises by the ton (OK so i had to put SOME Humor in the thread.. but you know.. Listening to Politicians I often get Deja Moo, The feeling I've smelled this azroma before)

The result is later in life I've been fairly healty. Only a couple of serious "infectious" issues and well those both had external causes (insect bite, toxic, and Pneumonia, Stress) both Recovered..  (I(T's been 30 years since Pneumonia, no recurrence).
 
Hans Grapje was raised in a Catholic school in The Hague and, as a young man, aspired to become a priest, but was drafted into the Army during WWII and spent two years co-piloting B17s until his aircraft was shot down in 1943 and he lost his left arm.

Captain Grapje spent the rest of the war as a chaplain, giving spiritual aid to soldiers, both Allied and enemy. After the war, he became a priest, serving as a missionary in Africa, piloting his own plane (in spite of his handicap) to villages across the continent.

In 1997, Father Grapje was serving in Zimbabwe when an explosion in a silver mine caused a cave-in. Archbishop Grapje went down into the mine to administer last rites to those too severely injured to move. Another shaft collapsed, and he was buried for three days, suffering multiple injuries, including the loss of his right eye.

The high silver content in the mine's air gave him purpura, a life-long condition characterized by purplish skin blotches.
Although Cardinal Grapje devoted his life to the service of God as a scholar, mentor, and holy man, church leaders agree: he will never ascend to the Papacy.

No one wants a one-eyed, one-armed, flying purple Papal leader.
 
Saw that one coming I did but I've seen it before, thanks for the laugh it's always funny.

True story:  The pastor at my Home Parish.... Reti4red from the Air Force.

True story #2.. Ever wonder what happens to a Rock And Roller when they DO not burn their brains out with Drugs and booze and Loose living.

The first Drummer for the Ventures.... IS an Air Force General.
 
The Bread Danger 8)

A recent newspaper headline read, ?Smell of baked bread may be health hazard.?

The article went on to describe the dangers of the smell of baking bread. The main danger, apparently, is that the organic components of this aroma may break down ozone.

When are we going to do something about bread-induced global warming? Sure, we attack tobacco companies, but when is the government going to go after Big Bread? Well, I?ve done a little research, and what I?ve discovered should make anyone think twice...

THE FINDINGS

More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread eaters.

Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever and influenza ravaged whole nations.

More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

Bread is made from a substance called ?dough.? It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average person eats more bread than that in one month!

Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after only two days.

PROPOSED RESTRICTIONS

Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling. In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions

No sale of bread to minors.

No advertising of bread within 1000 feet of a school.

A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.

No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.

A $40.2 billion fine on the three biggest bread manufacturers.

Please send this e-mail on to everyone you know who cares about this crucial issue.

REMEMBER: ?Think globally, act idiotically.? 8)
 
People often ask How I can remember all I remember (I will tie this in with the above)  Well the answer is simple.. I'm a coffee-holic

You see Coffee (Study after study) has been shown to ENHANCE memory
Alcohol.. as you wel know.... Eats your brain
(Some drink (Coffee) to remember, Some drink (Alcohol) to forget)

Well the "Aroma" of baking bread..... Alcohol

Yup. the recipe for Wiskey and Bread.. Basically the same.. Only in one you condense the "Aroma" into a bottle and in the other you keep the "By product"  (Oh there are some differences.. I mean the mash they use to make wiskey does not make good bread,, buit if you collect the aroma of bread and condense it.. Not sure how good that would be).

Fact.. Funny, but fact.
 
Food For Thought:

If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not for being in the country illegally, you live in a country run by idiots.

If you have to get your parent?s permission to go on a field trip or to take an aspirin in school, but not to get an abortion, you live in a country run by idiots.

If you have to show identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor or check out a library book, but not to vote who runs the government, you live in a country run by idiots.

If the government wants to ban stable, law-abiding citizens from owning gun magazines with more than ten rounds, but gives 20 F-16 fighter jets to the crazy leaders in Egypt, you live in a country run by idiots.

If, in the largest city, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not a 24-ounce soda because 24-ounces of a sugary drink might make you fat, you live in a country run by idiots.

If an 80-year-old woman can be strip-searched by the TSA but a woman in a hijab is only subject to having her neck and head searched, you live in a country run by idiots.

If your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more, you live in a country run by idiots.

If a seven year old boy can be thrown out of school for saying his teacher is cute, but hosting a sexual exploration or diversity class in grade school is perfectly acceptable, you live in a country run by idiots.

If hard work and success are met with higher taxes and more government intrusion, while not working is rewarded with EBT cards, WIC checks, Medicaid, subsidized housing and free cell phones, you live in a country run by idiots.

If the government?s plan for getting people back to work is to incentivize NOT working with 99 weeks of unemployment checks and no requirement to prove they applied but cannot find work, you live in a country run by idiots.

If being stripped of the ability to defend yourself makes you more safe according to the government, you live in a country run by idiots.
 

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