Post a joke
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The friendliest place on the web for anyone with an RV or an interest in RVing!
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
Bill N
Well-known member
Yes you definitely have been very fortunate to have the right coverages at the right time. When you are talking bills in the millions you are definitely way ahead of them. Glad to see you are still doing well and I can imagine that the rest of your life comment is very accurate. Good Luck.catblaster said:
Bill
ClassCNana
Member
- Joined
- Nov 18, 2017
- Posts
- 7
This is not really a joke but I found it amusing. While trying to find a little direction on why our refrigerator has stopped working and before I found this wonderfully helpful site I ran across one of those "Ask a Pro" type sites with a live chat feature. Our conversation went something like this:
Pro: Hello, how may I help you?
Me: Last year we experienced a bad electrical storm and since then my fridge has been out.
Pro: What model Storm do you have?
Me: I don't have a storm but I do have a 2000 Fleetwood Jamboree.
Pro: Are you planning on fixing your Storm yourself?
Me: Noooooo, only God can do that.
That's when I signed out of there
Pro: Hello, how may I help you?
Me: Last year we experienced a bad electrical storm and since then my fridge has been out.
Pro: What model Storm do you have?
Me: I don't have a storm but I do have a 2000 Fleetwood Jamboree.
Pro: Are you planning on fixing your Storm yourself?
Me: Noooooo, only God can do that.
That's when I signed out of there
Wi1dBill
Well-known member
- Joined
- Jun 20, 2013
- Posts
- 425
A friend told me how he stopped relatives from dropping by;
Borrowed money from the rich one.....and loaned it to the poor one...not bothered by either of them any longer.
WildBi11
Borrowed money from the rich one
.....and loaned it to the poor one...not bothered by either of them any longer. WildBi11
Tom Hoffman
Well-known member
?Five Floors?
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: ?For Women Only.? Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. ?We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It?s easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what?s inside.?
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: ?All the men on this floor are short and plain.? The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: ?All the men here are short and handsome.? Still, this isn?t good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: ?All the men here are tall and plain.?
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: ?All the men here are tall and handsome.? The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left.
Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: ?There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman.?
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: ?For Women Only.? Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. ?We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It?s easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what?s inside.?
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: ?All the men on this floor are short and plain.? The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: ?All the men here are short and handsome.? Still, this isn?t good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: ?All the men here are tall and plain.?
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: ?All the men here are tall and handsome.? The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left.
Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: ?There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman.?
Tom Hoffman
Well-known member
THE STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM (No laughing allowed),, I wanted to give him 100%! but I was told that it wouldn?t be politically correct. Each answer is absolutely grammatically correct, and funny too.
Q1 ... In which battle did Napoleon die? His last battle
Q2 ... Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? At the bottom of the page
Q3 ... River Ravi flows in which state? Liquid
Q4 ... What is the main reason for divorce? Marriage
Q5 ... What is the main reason for failure? Exams
Q6 ... What can you never eat for breakfast? Lunch & dinner
Q7 ... What looks like half an apple? The other half
Q8 ... If you throw a red stone into the blue sea, what will it become? Wet
Q9 ... How can a man go eight days without sleeping? No problem, he sleeps at night.
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? You will never find an elephant that has one hand.
Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have? Very large hands
Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? No time at all, the wall is already built.
Q13. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? *Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.
Spread some laughter, share the cheer.
Let?s be happy, while we?re here! 8) 8) 8)
Q1 ... In which battle did Napoleon die? His last battle
Q2 ... Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? At the bottom of the page
Q3 ... River Ravi flows in which state? Liquid
Q4 ... What is the main reason for divorce? Marriage
Q5 ... What is the main reason for failure? Exams
Q6 ... What can you never eat for breakfast? Lunch & dinner
Q7 ... What looks like half an apple? The other half
Q8 ... If you throw a red stone into the blue sea, what will it become? Wet
Q9 ... How can a man go eight days without sleeping? No problem, he sleeps at night.
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? You will never find an elephant that has one hand.
Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have? Very large hands
Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? No time at all, the wall is already built.
Q13. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? *Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.
Spread some laughter, share the cheer.
Let?s be happy, while we?re here! 8) 8) 8)
John From Detroit
Well-known member
And how much dirt is in a hole 6 feet long 10 feet deerp and 4 feet wider?
(None, i there was dirt in it there would not be a hole.)
(None, i there was dirt in it there would not be a hole.)
lavarock1210
Well-known member
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2010
- Posts
- 483
What gets bigger the more you take from it?
A hole.
A hole.
Tom Hoffman
Well-known member
Stress
A lecturer when explaining stress management to an audience, Raised a glass of water and asked ?How heavy is this glass of water??
Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.
The lecturer replied, ?The absolute weight doesn?t matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it.
If I hold it for a minute, that?s not a problem.
If I hold it for an hour, I?ll have an ache in my right arm.
If I hold it for a day, you?ll have to call an ambulance.
In each case, it?s the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.?
He continued,
?And that?s the way it is with stress management.
If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later,
As the burden becomes increasingly heavy,
We won?t be able to carry on.?
?As with the glass of water,
You have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.
When we?re refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.?
?So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down.
Don?t carry it home.
You can pick it up tomorrow.
Whatever burdens you?re carrying now,
Let them down for a moment if you can.?
So my friend put down anything that may be a burden to you right now.
Don?t pick it up again until after you?ve rested a while.
Here are some great ways of dealing with the burdens of life:
* Accept that some days you?re the pigeon, And some days you?re the statue.
* Always keep your words soft and sweet, Just in case you have to eat them.
* Always read stuff that will make you look good in case you die in the middle of it.
* Drive carefully. It?s not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
*If you can?t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, It was probably worth it.
* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply being kind to others.
* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, Because then you won?t have a leg to stand on.
* Nobody cares if you can?t dance well. Just get up and dance.
* Since it?s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
* The second mouse gets the cheese.
* When everything?s coming your way, You?re in the wrong lane.
* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
* You may be only one person in the world, But you may also be the world to one person.
* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
* We could learn a lot from crayons ... Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colours, but they all have to live in the same box.
*A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today ... I did.
A lecturer when explaining stress management to an audience, Raised a glass of water and asked ?How heavy is this glass of water??
Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.
The lecturer replied, ?The absolute weight doesn?t matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it.
If I hold it for a minute, that?s not a problem.
If I hold it for an hour, I?ll have an ache in my right arm.
If I hold it for a day, you?ll have to call an ambulance.
In each case, it?s the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.?
He continued,
?And that?s the way it is with stress management.
If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later,
As the burden becomes increasingly heavy,
We won?t be able to carry on.?
?As with the glass of water,
You have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.
When we?re refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.?
?So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down.
Don?t carry it home.
You can pick it up tomorrow.
Whatever burdens you?re carrying now,
Let them down for a moment if you can.?
So my friend put down anything that may be a burden to you right now.
Don?t pick it up again until after you?ve rested a while.
Here are some great ways of dealing with the burdens of life:
* Accept that some days you?re the pigeon, And some days you?re the statue.
* Always keep your words soft and sweet, Just in case you have to eat them.
* Always read stuff that will make you look good in case you die in the middle of it.
* Drive carefully. It?s not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
*If you can?t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, It was probably worth it.
* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply being kind to others.
* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, Because then you won?t have a leg to stand on.
* Nobody cares if you can?t dance well. Just get up and dance.
* Since it?s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
* The second mouse gets the cheese.
* When everything?s coming your way, You?re in the wrong lane.
* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
* You may be only one person in the world, But you may also be the world to one person.
* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
* We could learn a lot from crayons ... Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colours, but they all have to live in the same box.
*A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today ... I did.
Tom Hoffman
Well-known member
Count how many of the following you remember!
blackjack chewing gum
wax coke shaped bottles with colored sugar water
candy cigarettes
soda pop machines that dispensed bottles
coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
party lines (for the phone)
newsreels before the movie
P.F. flyers
butch wax
telephone numbers with a word prefix (olive - 6933)
peashooters
Howdy Doody
45 RPM records
78 RPM records
Records
S & H Green stamps
hi-fi?s
metal ice trays with levers
mimeograph paper
blue flashbulbs
Beanie and Cecil
Rollerskate keys
cork popguns
drive ins
Studebakers
Wash tub wringers
If you remembered 0-5 - You?re still young!
If you remember 6-10 - You?re getting older!
If you remembered 11-15, don?t tell your age!
If you remembered 16-25, you?re older than dirt! (NOT THAT THERE?S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT!)
blackjack chewing gum
wax coke shaped bottles with colored sugar water
candy cigarettes
soda pop machines that dispensed bottles
coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
party lines (for the phone)
newsreels before the movie
P.F. flyers
butch wax
telephone numbers with a word prefix (olive - 6933)
peashooters
Howdy Doody
45 RPM records
78 RPM records
Records
S & H Green stamps
hi-fi?s
metal ice trays with levers
mimeograph paper
blue flashbulbs
Beanie and Cecil
Rollerskate keys
cork popguns
drive ins
Studebakers
Wash tub wringers
If you remembered 0-5 - You?re still young!
If you remember 6-10 - You?re getting older!
If you remembered 11-15, don?t tell your age!
If you remembered 16-25, you?re older than dirt! (NOT THAT THERE?S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT!)
Memtb
Well-known member
Remember everything but... Beanie and Cecil. Wait....what was the question?
Seon
Well-known member
On Halloween night a young boy rang a doorbell where a man wearing an eye patch over his right eye and had a hook attached to his right fore arm.
The boy was at awe and asked the man if he was a Pirate. The man answered no.
So the boy asked about the man?s hook. Man replied that he lost his hand in a work accident.
Then the boy asked why the man had a patch over his eye.
The man said ?While leaving the Doctor?s office right after I had the hook attached a Crow flew over me then crapped, and hitting my eye so I went to wipe it off?
The boy was at awe and asked the man if he was a Pirate. The man answered no.
So the boy asked about the man?s hook. Man replied that he lost his hand in a work accident.
Then the boy asked why the man had a patch over his eye.
The man said ?While leaving the Doctor?s office right after I had the hook attached a Crow flew over me then crapped, and hitting my eye so I went to wipe it off?
Tom Hoffman
Well-known member
Just in case you need a laugh:
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a ?gripe sheet,? which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics corrects the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That?s what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode...
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you?re right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P:Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a ?gripe sheet,? which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics corrects the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That?s what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode...
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you?re right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P:Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.
Seon
Well-known member
;D on the midget
Roy M
Well-known member
Tom, the first one reminds me of my dad who taught airframe and hydraulics to RCAF ground crew during the war. When I asked him why he refused to fly he replied " I am afraid I will look out the window and see one of my ex students on the ground crew, after some of the stunts those guys pulled I won't take that chance." He was serious. ;D
Oldgator73
Well-known member
Just Lou said:
North Carolina has text books? ;D ;D
