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Author Topic: Post a joke  (Read 233397 times)

Tom Hoffman

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  • Posts: 1168
Re: Post a joke
« Reply #840 on: May 25, 2018, 03:12:00 PM »

We all grow old in the end...

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? Thatís common sense leaving your body.

I didnít make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.

I decided to stop calling the bathroom the ďJohnĒ and renamed it the ďJimĒ. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

The biggest lie I tell myself is...ĒI donít need to write that down, Iíll remember it.Ē

If God wanted me to touch my toes, He wouldíve put them on my knees.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We havenít met yet...

Why do I have to press one for English when youíre just going to transfer me to someone I canít understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.

At my age ďGetting luckyĒ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

Actually Iím not complaining because I am a Senager (Senior teenager). I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I donít have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I donít have a curfew. I have a driverís license and my own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant. And I donít have acne...

Life is great!

I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I canít remember their names.

Now, Iím wondering ... did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?
Wife said to me. "What cha doin' today?"  "Nothin'" says I.  "Ya did that yestiday!" Says she.  "I didn't get done!" says I

2003 F-350 Super Duty Lariat Dually 7.3 Diesel
2008 34' Sunny Brook, Brookside

Tom Hoffman

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  • Posts: 1168
Re: Post a joke
« Reply #841 on: June 13, 2018, 06:57:22 PM »
My Health....

I had the toughest time of my life.

First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis.

Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis.

Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy.

These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while.

I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis.

I donít know how I pulled through it.
 :'(
 :'( :'(
 :'( :'( :'(



 :P
 :P
It was the hardest spelling test Iíve ever had. ;D ;D
Wife said to me. "What cha doin' today?"  "Nothin'" says I.  "Ya did that yestiday!" Says she.  "I didn't get done!" says I

2003 F-350 Super Duty Lariat Dually 7.3 Diesel
2008 34' Sunny Brook, Brookside

GA_Boy

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  • Posts: 172
Re: Post a joke
« Reply #842 on: June 16, 2018, 05:51:13 PM »
Two guys grow up together but after college one moves to Michigan , the other to Florida . They agree to meet every ten years in Vero Beach to play golf
At age 30,  they finish their round of golf and go to lunch.
"Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Well, you know, they got the broads, with the big racks, and the tight shorts, and the legs ..."
"OK."
Ten years later at age 40 they meet and play again.
"Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters.
"Why?"
"Well, you know, they got cold beer and the big screen TVs and everybody has a little action on the games."
"OK."
Ten years later at age 50 they meet and play again."Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"The food is pretty good and there is plenty of parking."
"OK."
At age 60 they meet and play again.
"Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Wings are half priceĒ
"OK"
At age 70 they meet and play again.
"Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"They have 6 handicapped spaces right by the door."
"OK."
At age 80 they meet and play again.
"Where you wanna go?
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"We've never been there before."

kportra

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  • Posts: 93
Re: Post a joke
« Reply #843 on: June 18, 2018, 01:24:12 PM »
A piece of pie costs $3.00 in Barbados and $2.50 in Jamaica.

These are the Pie Rates of the Carribean.
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