I would like to say everything is wonderful since I got home.
The situation with my MIL is a mess. The poor lady is in worse condition then we knew. Her short term memory is really really bad. Tom isn't here to see and of course like me he is in denial and thinking some medical something or dietary improvement will help her.
She is good at covering up but something else. I thought she could see good, we went to get her new plates for her car. They said she could renew her license a year ahead, I'm thinking bad idea but, ok. She could not read the letters thought some were numbers. The lady was trying to tell her the row or column, but I think it may be more then vision but the actual ability to understand what she was saying. Then actually saying what she was seeing if that makes sense.
There are so many things but a couple of highlights. Couple days back she must have been waiting outside for hours, I lock the house at night and let out the dog in the morning and unlock the door, she was standing outside the garage door, scared the crap out of me. She came in, didn't want to be at the house when her sister came as someone stole her purse. Say what? Went through her losing it once already to her finding it. I said I don't think so, she just knew it was the bum with the gal next door. So I get dressed go over and we spent hours methodically going through her house and of course found it in a cabinet where she hid it next to the trash compactor. So before I left I said see no one stole it, you had just hid it and forgot where. She said who said it was stolen? Ok, whatever.
Today we went out to eat, she wanted to pay but couldn't read the bill was going to take it to the cashier. I read it to her then she wasn't sure how much money to leave. Then was going to leave because she didn't realize she had change. Ok, minor things.
Glasses appointment Monday, I said be sure you have your ins card and drivers license. She said I've searched all over that lady at the license branch kept my license and didn't give them back. I says, yes she did I was there and you got them, no she didn't.
Soooooo, I search her purse, her car, start going through papers in the house. Finally I said lets look in one of the purses you got out when you thought someone had stolen your other one. Why she would put it there but who knows. I found the drivers license in them. I have been honest and said you can't keep this up. Your memory issues are starting to be more then you realize. Then I fixed the TV's again because she can't figure out how to use the remotes. I fix them, the neighbors fix them, they are always messed up.
So I get home and get a call. And yes I have been talking about assisted living, there is no point beating about the bush, she needs help.
So I get this whole conversation about you are going to put me in a nursing home, when people start taking you to the doctor that's what they are working on. I tried explaining we are trying to find out the reason for her memory loss and see if its medical or her diet or what and maybe she can be helped. She says I can stay right here, if I don't do anything then you can't do anything to me. She said you are only my DIL, she was really trying to goad me into saying something mean I'm sure. I said yes I am and this is something Tom should be taking care of but sons seldom do he is pushing it off on me and I'm trying to help you. I said that's why I'm helping you pay your bills and things, she said I can take care of that, I can do all that again. Yes like the ins agent that called and said she was in every week trying to pay her car ins over and over and the cable TV bill she wrote 3 checks in a row to for the same bill, yes, she sure can. Or the renter she has that she hasn't a clue if he is paying his rent or not. Or a purse I found with $6000 in and put it in the bank for her. Or this last purse she said was stolen but she only had $100 in. When I found it it had $1500 in it, dear God. Or the local bank that called me and said she wrote them a check to pay and it was her interest statement for her federal taxes so we tore up the check. I have the money situation in hand, I'm paying all her reoccurring bills by autopay and she does have checks but I'm not sure she remembers how to write them. The last money went in the safe for her, she spends very little. I told her to write a check or get money from the bank or I will gladly give her her money. She doesn't know how to use an ATM card. Or the beauty operator that won't return her calls because she tries to get a permanent every couple of weeks. The property tax office was very concerned when they talked to me about her coming in carrying large sums of cash and paying them, afraid someone would see it and do something to her. Thankfully this is a rural country area where people do look out for each other. You folks would be proud, I did not raise my voice, did not get upset, I was just nice.
I said you are really having problems, she said I can quit driving my neighbors will take me or do anything I need done, and I said but they are all getting old too. And she does not know they emailed Tom and told him he needed to come home and see his mom that she was having a lot of problems, but I'm not saying that.
So I'm trying to defuse the situation. I said do you agree that you need glasses, she says yes I do. I said well lets go Monday and get your eye exam and get that taken care of and go from there. Again she says what do I need to take, again I said your ins card and drivers license. She says I don't know where my drivers license are, I don't have them. I said June I was just there about an hour ago and we found them and you put them in your wallet. She says I don't think they are there, I have to look. I told her, fruitlessly I'm sure, I said June these are just the kind of issues I'm talking about. No answer.
So we have a doctors appointment Wed, I doubt seriously I can get her to go. I'm going to stay away if possible till that morning and call and tell her to get ready. Maybe it will die down but I don't expect it to.
She says I will just talk to Tom when he gets home, I said yes you certainly need to. He will be in the 4th of April. This is a situation where Tom is still in denial thinking its just poor diet or not eating enough or some medical thing they can fix. I went through all that with my mom. I think its dementia or Alzheimers like her mother had and her sister has now, she is even in worse shape and still running around, her son can do nothing for her either or with her.
But I'm about to give up, I went through this with my mom for 10 years, it was hell. I have Sue Anne and the Medicaid and new ACA rules are giving me fits with her. Many hours on the phone this last week.
I may load up the motorhome after Tom leaves and wonder around, either take dog or board him and take cat. I will leave her neighbors my number, when they can no longer deal with it maybe come back and try to do something or let Tom know. I can't be here and deal with this every day.
This is a real mess when you are dealing with what seems to be a physically healthy person with no way to understand what she is doing. And will be hard for Tom because on short term visits you just don't see it all. It took me awhile to realize how bad it is and he will likely think I'm just blowing it out of proportion. A very sad process watching someone decline like this.
Well Tuesday is my birthday and I'm taking Sue Anne and enjoying it away from all this. Sadly the 28th is our wedding anniversary and he won't be home for that either 46 years.
And the worst part of all is I'm trying to be compassionate when they were never there for me when I needed help. I am trying to put that behind me and make sure that I am not like they were and I do the right thing. That is very hard for me to do, God give me the strength to do it right.
But tomorrow is another day and come hell or high water, I'm going to enjoy it so there! Whine done!!
