Still here, decided to just start new thread

Tom's mother handled the family finances.  When she passed away suddenly, his Dad turned immediately to me.  To his way of thinking, paying the bills was a "pink" job.  We had a meeting once a month so I could review his balances, report on interest earned, dividends received, etc.  He made the decisions, but I wrote the checks or made the necessary phone calls.

Now with HIPAA we are having to do more.  For her union insurance she and I signed a paper where she gave me permission to handle questions and things with her medical care and payments.  I had to do that with Sue Anne for medicare so I know I will have to do that too.  We went to SS today and of course they were closed this afternoon, I should have called and didn't. 

I told MIL we likely should get a power of attorney for me, since Tom is not here, to act in her behalf.  All the real estate was put in he and his brothers name many years ago and she has a lifetime estate on the house. She turned over some of her money to Tom last year and had him take her name off, it will likely go for her care as I don't think she will make it 5 years and that's ok with us, at least we will make sure its there for her, it wont last long.  Now she has he and my name on her checking account so all that is done.

All the bills are coming to me, she has a cemetery plot and I need to check but I think a marker.  I think we have it in hand.  But if anything happens to me God help Tom in his mom and Sue Anne's matters, it will be a disaster.  He is never here so almost everything in bought in my name, not an issue in Texas with community property laws.  Not the same here and we need to get his name on everything.  A big issue if I would die as Sue Anne would come in for half of a half and would have to spend down money he will need, lose her Medicaid and everything.

We have things to get done in Texas yet and a new will to be done up here.  Whatever you do take care of things like this or it can leave the living in a mess.  And NEVER leave a mentally challenged person money directly, the state will suck it up and they will end up on Medicaid anyway and that is not good.

By the way I got the little lake house in Texas sold, contract written today for all cash offer, YES, I love those. Took a beating on price, lost money, only one so far, but as Tom said in that neighborhood it needed to be sold.  If I didn't have 2 guys living across the street the house wiring and appliances would probably have been stripped, the guy renting places across the street had his wiring stolen twice while he was building it.  I befriended some of the "bums? " while we were building it and they never bothered us.

I have done the same here, paid some to help me do some things and paid them more then fairly and they helped with a few things.  Tom and I agree that doing so they don't tend to bother you.  Has worked so far.

So like all the rest of you, you just have to take one challenge at a time and go from there.

Do you fart in bed ? If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I?ll pray for you. This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband?s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, ?Honey you were right? all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.? ?What do you mean?? asked his wife. ?Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in??.............?..?

Bad, bad!!!!  Thanks for the laugh, I did not expect that punch line.

Sheila

That was on facebook and I like to died laughing, had to pass it on.

Oh that was hilarious!!! 

On another note, I am sorry to hear about the issues about your MIL, we are going through it with my mother and it is so sad.  Things keep disappearing for her too BUT they are just being shuffled steady.  Not to say that the neighbour of your MIL isn't and wasn't for a long time getting a piece of the pie because you are more than likely right about that BUT things will continue to disappear (get shuffled)..I had to take over mother's finances because we found out that none of her bills were being paid (yikes)..so all of the financial stuff has been dealt with, just wish we could fix her memory.  I have her come to my home in the country mostly every weekend and one of my other sister and her family has moved in with mother during the week and boy oh boy it is a handful at times but you have to love them and take care of them as much as you can. 

Take Care Carolyne, and forget about the Caddie looking so good behind that Revolution, it sounds like it may have been sitting in water somewhere for the amount of rust you are talking about, stick with the old girl for now..

Some good news, we have a contract at the lake house.  We are going to lose money on it, but its paid for so its bookkeeping, first one we have sold that we have so that's ok.  I'm reducing the price on our house and other lots, but we have to go down a long long way before we lose on those so will see how that goes.  I looked at solds in our area, the sq ft, age, etc, and made the choice to drop it a huge chunk, Tom agrees.  I'm still surprised it is not selling, but such is life.

Finger is doing fine, no stitches out last Friday and no biopsy results, have to go back this Friday.  Trying to ice it and use it, he must have took a lot out of the knuckle because that sure hurts.  He said the biopsy should have been in and to call so I am tomorrow.

I lost most of a tree the other day with the storm, waited till it dried out some.  I checked and the limbs were broke off completely, couldn't get Tom's tractor started so I got out some log chains and hooked them up to the truck and pulled the sections of the tree out near the burn pile.  There was no way I could pile them, Tom will have to saw them up. It had blocked one side of the circle drive. It is supposed to rain again Wed so afraid to wait longer.  I got the seeds pulled from the zinnias and 4 oclocks and mowed them down and the tomato plants.  There must have still been 100 small tomatoes out there.  I have carrots coming up, need to straw them.

Can you believe the grass was still growing here in Indiana in November?  I also picked up pecans today, hasn't got cold enough I guess for many of them to fall yet.  Next year I'm putting nets under those trees to catch them.  The yard is about half mowed, it was looking pretty rough.

The motorhome is at Wetnights, I checked on it, the transmission is serviced, the fuel filters changed on the engine, the front leverlor has been sent out for service.  going to check the drivers windshield I saw movement at the bottom left corner on the drivers side.  See what needs to be done with that so that is progressing along.  Seem to have very nice folks there.  They need to adjust the little rod in the Demco hitch so I can get the pin in it to hold it up when not using it.

Nothing to do with the motorhome but I was getting dust in the house and worried the dryer vent was plugged but I think the tube had reduced capacity due to buildup, well it wasn't plugged but it sure had lint.  It's a solid metal tube and runs from the middle of the house over 20 ft to the outside.  I took the cover off and looked in it with a flashlight and it was pretty coated.  I also saw wasp nests in there.  I got an 8ft 2 X 4 and pushed it in far as I could go, its a straight shot.  I rotated it around and its unreal the amount of lint I got out, I had the dryer running.  I still needed to go way back so I found a 20 ft piece of gas pipe Tom couldn't use and pushed it in to the elbow and rotated it the best I could.  Tomorrow I'm tying something on the end and see if I can clean it further in.  Then I'm going to see if I can tape with the metal tape.  It was tight but we got a new dryer and Tom and his friend had a terrible time getting it together.  It's a very tight space so not sure I can do it.  After cleaning though I can see less dust so that may be enough.  It sure is important to clean dryer vents.  Next is to change all my batteries in smoke alarms and co 2 detecters in the house and motorhome.

Oh MIL found her wallet, she said she didn't find her purse, wouldn't tell me where she found it, said she didn't remember and maybe she didn't.  Anyway we have got to finish moving her automatic deposits to her account and wait for new checks now.  She keeps asking me how much money she has in her checking account and then is surprised when I tell her, EACH TIME, its like its a whole new day, wow.  I think I have all her bills coming here.  She was with me when we heard when her ins was due and she asks me everyother day if she owes insurance.  Double wow.

She called the other day panicking, I may have written this already, think I'm losing it too.  She had gotten a letter just saying she could have up to $500 overdraft insurance depending on her account balance.  She got it in her head they were going to take all her money but that $500.  I explained it and tore the letter up.  I have to take stuff like that away from her or she obsesses over it or tries to pay it, as I said before she paid her Dish TV bill 3 months ahead on 3 consecutive checks thinking she hadn't paid it.  She got a refund check from the water company when we took the water out of her deceased husbands name.  I had given her the check and threw the rest of it away.  She comes over today with no check and the other papers out of the trash asking me why she owed this bill.  I'm trying to be patient, really I am.

I am getting the required HIPAA approvals to ask about medical billings etc.  Told Tom we need to get a POA because we are going to eventually have to act in her behalf on medical decisions.  Will do this when he gets home.

But life goes on, I've been cleaning cabinets, sorting clothes and getting ready to donate a bunch, changing summer for winter clothes, getting tax work up to date to get ready for year end, filing papers.  It's looking neater in here.

Some productive days the last few days, hope I can keep it up. 

Tom, had a good idea, said to get one of those chimney cleaning kits and then I can run the brush down the dryer pipe.  He said he wondered why they ran it that far instead of to the side of the house, I'm thinking the bathroom plumbing was in the way.  Only kits I see were 5 inches up but that still might work in a 4 inch pipe.

Re the dryer vent.  Assuming it goes to the outside could you use some kind of blower to blow it out?

Re the MIL's payments.  We get a lot of junk mail and it infuriates me the way they word and picture things that will make the elderly panic so they send money.  The magazine subscription renewals are ridiculous.  One came today that is good through March 2015 but they're already wanting a renewal.  I'm sure many people see the "Third Notice" and think they need to pay and do so.  Very irritating and dishonest.  But don't get me started on my soapbox!  :

ArdraF

Dryer vent is way way better I would just like to clean it totally.

Yes, my poor MIL was over this morning with a letter, she hadn't opened it but thought it was important.  I opened it and it was saying you could eliminate your mortgage.  I never realized how all this stuff could affect elderly.  Also what bothers me is so many companies and government assume everyone is computer literate now. We are, but there are people in my age group that aren't, so older folks no way.

Things are so confusing there are times I can't figure it out, I can't even imagine when my mind is more impaired.  Going to try and simplify everything I can.

I  have been looking at all this age 70.5 required withdrawals starting on IRA's and that could be very confusing too.

PatrioticStabilist said:

I  have been looking at all this age 70.5 required withdrawals starting on IRA's and that could be very confusing too.

Click to expand...

Actually it is fairly easy, total all the IRAs and use the table to determine how much you have to withdraw annually.  You can either spread it around or take it all from one.  Just be sure you do.

Actually the manager of each will notify you before the year starts as to how much must be removed but it will be just for that account.  Then you tell them the amount and when to withdraw it.

It has worked well for me for the last 10 years. 

The one lady at the bank told me it was a problem for them.  We will likely do the take from one account method until its exhausted rather then go dip out of each one, not sure, that's a couple years away still.  I just wondered how it was done and finally found an article about it.

Thank you for the info also.  I know the penalties are huge and the first year if we wait to long may have to take 2 in one year, glad to hear its easy.

I called the docs office today to get the results of the biopsy, the gal says oh its in but I don't know how to read it.  I told her the doc said I could call and see if its in, she said well yes, but he needs to read it. I asked you mean somewhere on there it doesn't just say carcinoma or benign.  She goes yes it does say that it says benign!  Well that's a relief, I go back Friday, hopefully to get stitiches out, I have been exercising the little digit much as I can but the top 1/3 is still rather numb, don't care I can live with that.

Now to just have him say the same thing and I will be happy.  So far so good, no big C  yet and I hope ever.  Just not in our family, only one I know of on either side was I had a grandfather with prostrate cancer.  He died when I was something like 5 years old.

  Tom's dad had cancer but it was lung cancer, he did quit smoking but apparently not soon enough.  That's bad stuff and my husband quit many many years ago.  Being a tightwad and not wanting to spend that kind of money on cigs may have just saved his life.  Now if son would stop, he has tried electronic cigarettes and other things, I guess its really hard.  He said there everyone smokes so that makes it difficult too.

That was pretty durn good news, I was trying not to but really I was worrying about it.

That's good news, Carolyn, and I know it's a big relief.

Quitting smoking can be very difficult, and it's tougher for some folks than for others. I didn't have a lot of luck until about 5 years ago, and I've been fortunate that I'm rarely around any smokers these days -- it helps -- so it's been relatively easy this time, even though it was difficult before. It also helped a lot that this time I really wanted to quit. Motivation is ⅔ of the battle.

That's such good news, Carolyn!  Sometimes it's really difficult to get any information from a physician's staff. 

Here is a boo boo we just discovered yesterday.  When we filled out those darned HIPPA forms, we gave permission for access of information to our two children and my brother who lives in Eugene just an hour away.  We forgot to include each other!  So, until we corrected the form yesterday, Tom was not privy to my info and I was not privy to his.  Wow!  A marriage of 53 years doesn't automatically cover that stuff at all.  Now we have to check the forms we filled out in other offices and at the Med Center to see if we made the same omissions.

Some of that stuff is plain crazy.

Tom and I made sure we had wills, POA's for each other and everything before he went overseas.  Well I was trying to buy and sell property, no good, it was a nightmare.  Tom said just put everything in your name and forget it that way you can do it.  That was ok in Texas as a community property state but not up here.  We are still in limbo with no new will up here because I'm not sure what we want to do.  The attorney I went to has this whole convoluted process to protect our estate and keep Sue Anne out of things.  I think we mainly need to get our directives, POA's again, and wills.  As long as he and I have everything in each others names with an or it should be ok.  We cannot let her have anything in her name over $2k or she loses her Medicaid and her medical bills would kill us plus the state would take anything over that amount before she would be eligible again.  We have a cemetery plot and headstone we don't even declare for her.  I hate to say what the week in the hospital a couple of weeks ago  and while we are ok we are far from wealthy.  I think we will do well to cover Tom and my medical expenses over the next 20 or possibly 30 years let alone a 3rd person.  Be very careful how you structure things if you have a special needs child, it has to be under a special needs trust and the attorney has to know what he is doing.

You should investigate a revocable living trust with you and Tom as trustees.  Find an attorney that specializes in trusts, and especially elder law.

That's exactly what we are looking at right now Ned.  The attorney we have is very good from what I understand.

I found out to day the tumor I had was a giant cell tumor, it says they are very rare to begin with but also rare in anyone over 40.  They are benign but they can destroy the bone and can metastize to the lungs.  It said its a very aggressive tumor and usually benign.  Doc said only 10% chance of reoccurrence there.  But sounds like something I need to watch for.  If I see any lumps I will have them checked, noway to do inside the body though. 

I also read accurate or not that in 4 to 40 years possible for them to become cancerous but I don't think it will be a problem.  May get chest xray which I need to do anyway.  When I was 18 took TB pills for a year as they said I was around someone with TB and could catch it if I got run down.  I was supposed to get chest xrays but do just periodically as I don't think getting them annually is a good idea.

Just need to practice preventative maintenance.

Need to check on motorhome Tuesday to see the status, only had 2 more things to go.

I told Tom his garage wasn't big enough, would he listen to me, nooooo.  So Wed, Graber is coming to add 14 X 28 to his garage, then his section will be 44 X 30.  My motorhome garage is 44 X 18.  He has metal shelves all down mine, I'm hoping some of that will go to his new section.

We were to get a 28 X 35 ft apron on our house garage.  The weather channel said its to get in the 20's at night for several nights so was afraid to get it done, Tom said don't do it is its below freezing at night.  He said there should be enough nights before Thanksgiving warm enough to get it done, if not will be spring.  I don't like dirt and rock out there in the winter and when it thaws.  We still have things to do here.  He is going to add sidewalks from the house to garage but I imagine he and I will do that.  Also we want to put an apron on the motorhome and his garage so he can work on things out of the rocks, won't get done this year.

About Wed figure my finger is healed enough for me to get busy.  I want to cut and put the rest of the tile in the basement, at least finish Sue Anne's bedroom around the edges so it is useable.  I won't get my sewing room done as there are big cabinets to move and it will take Tom and I both to do that but I can do probably 3/4's of it if I ordered enough tile.
 

Finally started on putting in the tile around the rooms downstairs.  I need to place all around Sue Anne's room down there, I have quite a few pieces in.  Tom set up the smaller table saw for me but its up and down stairs, up and down.  I need to find the jigsaw as I have pieces going around corners I can't cut on there.  I try to be so careful man that thing could mangle you, so I got slowly and carefully, no distractions.  The dog is scared of the noise.

I found a nice rubberized baseboard, the almond color comes in 4 ft strips and I was really wanting the 120 ft coil and it doesn't come in almond.  There is a greyish blue color I could use, it looks good to and would likely stay clean better.

I really like doing stuff like that, there is so much here we would love to do but no time for Tom.

I did tell him in the spring why don't he dig out and frame the driveway apron we want so it will have it drain the way he wants it and then just get the guys to come and pour and finish the slab.  He said he doesn't know how to finish one, I can't imagine he doesn't, but he said its to much for he and I to do anyway.  We are going to put a 28 X 35 out there so we can wash cars, have a place to sit and things.  We waited to late this year to get it done.  Graber Post did get the addition on the garage done.  All it lacks is the garage door and they said the door crew comes and does that separately.  Those guys were so nice, they were here late working on the slab got cold and wasn't sitting up fast.  I had big tree limbs that I pulled out back with the truck, they took their bobcat and piled them up for me as I let them put scrap lumber out there and other scrap in the dumpster.  All the ones that built our garage and roofed the house are fine people.  The amish and Mennonite crews sure take pride in their work.  Just good people.

My motorhome yard ornament is sure getting expensive.

But this is not news to any of you is it?

Levelor $1200
The rest of the service $430
Windshield needs reset and there is a crack right in the middle.  They are pretty sure when they pry it out that it will break
so $1700 new drivers side windshield.  He said its not rusted, hey not bad for a 21 year old motorhome, but its lost its seal
and they said it could fall out.  I noticed, last time I drove it it was moving a lot then Tom saw it too.  I think its
that really bad section of road on 55 I believe it is, beat me to death.  And still have to get the 4 rear tires and an alignment.
Merry Christmas to me.

But the tires will be done for many a year hopefully.

And about January 10th taking off for 4 to 7 weeks.  I hope this year to get to go more often.  Time will tell.

Sue Anne is ready to go now.

And I did get a rent house sold, funded yesterday, so that's a good thing.

Now if we could sell ours!!