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Author Topic: The lighter side of a colonoscopy  (Read 8991 times)

denmarc

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The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« on: May 10, 2016, 12:25:15 PM »
I was the designated driver for my DW for her colonoscopy yesterday. After all the bitching I was hearing about the nasty tasting stuff she had to drink, I just couldn't wait to get this whole ordeal over with. We checked in, the procedure began, they called me in when she was in recovery. Everything went well.
While in the little curtain walled cubicle waiting to be released, a little old lady was wheeled into the cubicle right next door. I'm not kidding about the "little old lady" mention. She was in the waiting area with us and must of went in shortly after us.
Anyhow, I was just sitting there quietly while the wife slept. The DW didn't get much sleep the night before having to get up to drink the nasty stuff in time for a morning procedure.
I hear the nurse walk into the neighbors cubicle and ask how she was doing. Only a mumble was heard. The nurse asked if she had passed gas at all. Mumble. "Try" the nurse said.

That's when I heard the most award winning, blue ribbon flatulence I have ever heard! I wondered if the women completely deflated to the likes of a popped balloon! Sorry, but I couldn't stop laughing. Totally caught me by surprise. I couldn't believe that little lady could have that much air in her!

I've heard all the jokes. I don't mean to disguise the importance of having a colonoscopy. My advice is to just do it and get it over with. It could mean your life. Keep a sense of humor about it. Everyone understands.
If you get a giggle out of it, that's a plus.     
Mark

1994 Jayco Eagle 370FB on 24 acres of paid off paradise in Michigan.

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Sun2Retire

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #1 on: May 10, 2016, 12:39:45 PM »
I don't mean to disguise the importance of having a colonoscopy. Keep a sense of humor about it. Everyone understands.

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SMR

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #2 on: May 10, 2016, 12:55:36 PM »
Scott- that was so wrong!! LOL
Gonna put the world away for a minute......
Steve
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BinaryBob

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #3 on: May 10, 2016, 01:37:35 PM »
LOL.. Too funny!
I find those stupid gowns that don't close properly are very challenging, but when you're ambling down the hallway after the procedure.... being led by the arm by a pretty nurse.... full of those wonderful drugs they give you......buck naked with gown flowing in the breeze......you really don't care....ABOUT ANYTHING!  ;D ;D

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Rene T

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #4 on: May 10, 2016, 01:43:35 PM »
LOL.. Too funny!
I find those stupid gowns that don't close properly are very challenging, but when you're ambling down the hallway after the procedure.... being led by the arm by a pretty nurse.... full of those wonderful drugs they give you......buck naked with gown flowing in the breeze......you really don't care....ABOUT ANYTHING!  ;D ;D

I've had it done three times and I never walked that I can remember. I do every three years. It's funny, I just received a postcard in the mail last week saying it was time again. I called to make the appointment and I asked if the doctor thought it was really necessary to have it done this year. I got word just a 1/2 hour ago, that I could wait another year WHEW!!!!. I think the procedure is nothing but then again I'm out. The worst part is the prepping YUK!!!!
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BinaryBob

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #5 on: May 10, 2016, 02:14:36 PM »
I recently had #2 (no pun intended).... and found the prep drink not nearly as disgusting as colonoscopy #1.
However, ya still can't escape being bungee corded to the toilet for a day... :(
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Jim Fitz

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #6 on: May 10, 2016, 02:45:35 PM »
The colonoscopy is actually a piece of cake....but the prep.....whew!!!!!  Terrible!!!
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Larry N.

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #7 on: May 10, 2016, 03:03:24 PM »
Quote
The worst part is the prepping YUK!!!!

Quote
The colonoscopy is actually a piece of cake....but the prep.....whew!!!!!  Terrible!!!

Amen!
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SeilerBird

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #8 on: May 10, 2016, 03:35:25 PM »
I just got one a few weeks ago and mine was painful. Not the actual colonoscopy, but the IV. It took the nurse three times to get a vein. The first attempt was extremely painful. The second attempt was not as painful but the next week I had a purple hand.
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NY_Dutch

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #9 on: May 10, 2016, 03:40:31 PM »
The best part of my last colonoscopy was when the doctor came in while I was in recovery, and said everything was fine and she'd see me again in 10 years! I was 72 at the time, so I'm really hoping I will see her again! ;)
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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #10 on: May 10, 2016, 05:37:10 PM »
I'm waiting on an appointment, too.  It will be my 2nd bout.  My 1st was 6 yrs ago.  The "clean out" is bad enough, but I'm on Warfarin (Coumadin) and I have have to get off it 5 days in advance.  It's called "bridging anti-coagulation".  To do so requires I get on a Lovenox routine for those 5 days.  You don't know what you're missing if you haven't done that.  I get to shoot myself in the belly twice a day.  By the time it is over, it usually looks like someone has beat me with a rubber hose.  Fun, fun!
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Just Lou

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #11 on: May 10, 2016, 08:30:48 PM »
I'm waiting on an appointment, too.  It will be my 2nd bout.  My 1st was 6 yrs ago.  The "clean out" is bad enough, but I'm on Warfarin (Coumadin) and I have have to get off it 5 days in advance.  It's called "bridging anti-coagulation".  To do so requires I get on a Lovenox routine for those 5 days.  You don't know what you're missing if you haven't done that.  I get to shoot myself in the belly twice a day.  By the time it is over, it usually looks like someone has beat me with a rubber hose.  Fun, fun!
Tom, are we twins by any chance?
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8Muddypaws

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #12 on: May 10, 2016, 09:56:42 PM »
Today I'm halfway through 'the prep'.  The last time I had one was back in the castor oil days.  That was horrible and this is a piece of cake by comparison.

I was mostly awake last time.  I confessed to being the second gunman on the grassy knoll, spotted Jmmy Hoffa on the monitor, and ducked the bats flying out of that cave.
« Last Edit: May 10, 2016, 10:48:53 PM by 8Muddypaws »
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whiteva

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #13 on: May 11, 2016, 07:18:56 AM »
OH yes the prep.. :(.. After drinking obvious acid, I  ran to the toilet  hollering get everyone out of the way. The cat followed to see what all the fuss was about, however on the first surprise volley that followed, kitty screamed a horrible sound and ran under the bed for two days. Next day at 6:am the Alaska pipeline was shoved up and found the grand canyon was flushed clean and would not need further inspection for 10 years. The recovery hall had such huge fart sounds that would make midnight in a hunting lodge proud! I must admit I thought mine deserved at least a blue ribbon.  ;)
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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #14 on: May 11, 2016, 09:15:58 AM »
I agree with a couple of you....the best thing I heard on my last one was "10 years."
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Ernie n Tara

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #15 on: May 11, 2016, 09:27:05 AM »
Amen!

Ernie
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dave54

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #16 on: May 11, 2016, 09:35:19 AM »
That stuff did not work on me.  I drank the whole gallon, as per the instructions.  Nothing happened other than I sloshed and had a big belly.  Waited, and waited.  Nothing.   I was miserable when I arrived at the hospital.  I explained nothing happened, and nurses looked at me aghast.  They told the doctor who also was shocked.  He ordered a suppository and an injection of something. 

5 minutes later ... KABOOM!!!!!    All Done.
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murphysranch

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #17 on: May 11, 2016, 10:13:41 AM »
I'm truly LOL'ing right now. Everything above is soooo true!
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Jeff in Ferndale Wa

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #18 on: May 11, 2016, 10:29:46 AM »
I've had three now.
The first time I woke up in the middle of it and said to the doctor,"You told me I wouldn't feel a thing" He about fainted!
next two times they  used more anesthesia.
Third time I had to have an endoscopy at the same appointment to check my esophagus. Colonoscopy first. He assured me that he would clean the device before doing the endoscopy!
The first time was the nasty prep.2nd and third not so bad.
This year I went for my pre procedure appointment and the doc told me I could wait another year.

We can make light of these, but it's important that we do them.
They found precancerous polyps my  first and second and were able to remove them before they caused trouble
My wife had her first at 52 and they found cancer.It was early enough that they were able to get it with surgery and no chemo or radiation.
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SeilerBird

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #19 on: May 11, 2016, 11:05:51 AM »
This is a crappy thread. :o
I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient and I will get to you shortly.
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Ned

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #20 on: May 11, 2016, 11:16:13 AM »
When I consulted with my GE about the colonoscopy I was just starting showing the symptoms of something else. He then added an endoscopy to follow the colonoscopy.  He found a tumor in advanced stage and biopsied it, is was cancer of the esophagus.
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SeilerBird

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #21 on: May 11, 2016, 11:21:24 AM »
I also had an endoscopy to follow my colonoscopy and the dr found trace of reflux and prescribed a pill for me to take to make sure it doesn't advance. One small non cancerous polyp was found during the colonoscopy which was removed. Now I am good for 3 to 5 years on the colon and one year on the endo.
I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient and I will get to you shortly.
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BinaryBob

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #22 on: May 11, 2016, 11:34:56 AM »
Doc on follow up consult -  "During the colonoscopy, I noticed you have not had your tonsils removed."
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kdbgoat

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #23 on: May 11, 2016, 11:50:26 AM »
When I consulted with my GE about the colonoscopy I was just starting showing the symptoms of something else. He then added an endoscopy to follow the colonoscopy.  He found a tumor in advanced stage and biopsied it, is was cancer of the esophagus.

Take care of that stuff Ned, life can be rough enough without that.

I also had an endoscopy to follow my colonoscopy and the dr found trace of reflux and prescribed a pill for me to take to make sure it doesn't advance. One small non cancerous polyp was found during the colonoscopy which was removed. Now I am good for 3 to 5 years on the colon and one year on the endo.

My last endo found I had Barrett's. Put me on Nexium for the rest of my life. I'm not much on taking pills, so I looked at different things as an alternative. I was vaping at the time and had been for a while. Stopped vaping, everything seems to be fine now. For my system, the side effects of pills are worse than what they are trying to take care of, along with they mostly treat the symptoms, not fixing the problem. Had high blood pressure, was prescribed pills, made me feel worse. Started exercising more, and cut a LOT of salt out of my diet. Blood pressure is fine now. Have high cholesterol, especially high trig's, was put put on different types of statins. Made me feel a LOT worse along with screwing up my thigh muscles. I cut out added sugar and avoid high fructose corn syrup like the plague. Along with the added exercise, levels are a lot better than even when taking the statins, especially the trig's. Never once did the Dr.'s discuss lifestyle changes (other than stop smoking) before prescribing meds.
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Rene T

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #24 on: May 11, 2016, 12:14:10 PM »
When I consulted with my GE about the colonoscopy I was just starting showing the symptoms of something else. He then added an endoscopy to follow the colonoscopy.  He found a tumor in advanced stage and biopsied it, is was cancer of the esophagus.

How long ago was that Ned?
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Derby6

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #25 on: May 11, 2016, 01:10:50 PM »
This is a crappy thread. :o

Yea, no kidding. 
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Ned

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #26 on: May 11, 2016, 01:26:47 PM »
How long ago was that Ned?

Last December.  I've been on chemotherapy since.  2 more sessions to go.
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Rene T

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #27 on: May 11, 2016, 01:40:27 PM »
Last December.  I've been on chemotherapy since.  2 more sessions to go.

Hope things go well for you
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denmarc

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #28 on: May 11, 2016, 02:29:50 PM »
Thinking of you, Ned. Keep your head up and stay strong. Sounds like your progress is good. Don't give in and keep fighting.
Mark

1994 Jayco Eagle 370FB on 24 acres of paid off paradise in Michigan.

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jackiemac

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #29 on: May 11, 2016, 04:44:32 PM »
Wow your health care seems to be much more sophisticated than ours in the UK.  For your 50th birthday you get a kit to smear your poo on. Pop it in the post and get results back a week or so later. If there is something iffy then you go for testing.  If cleaf you get the kit again 2 years later. Unless that's what's going on here?

Anyhow I wish you all good health and sending very best wishes to you Ned for a good outcome from your treatment.
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8Muddypaws

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #30 on: May 11, 2016, 09:31:51 PM »
Well, it really was a piece of cake.  I was in & out in a coule of hours.  The cute nurse asked me what my pain tolerance was like and I told her about not letting my dentist use novocaine, then she asked about my gross tolerance, so I told her about watching the artificial joint being installed in my foot.  They didn't knocke me out, just a little relaxed.  I watched the whole thing on the monitor.  One small polyp clipped and fried.  I don't know if they found anything to be concerned about.

I guess one part of me is lucky.
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trdiller

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #31 on: May 12, 2016, 08:01:07 AM »
Wow your health care seems to be much more sophisticated than ours in the UK.  For your 50th birthday you get a kit to smear your poo on. Pop it in the post and get results back a week or so later. If there is something iffy then you go for testing.  If cleaf you get the kit again 2 years later. Unless that's what's going on here?

Anyhow I wish you all good health and sending very best wishes to you Ned for a good outcome from your treatment.

I think the test you mention is for prostrate issues and not for colon cancer screening.

I was first violated  by this colonoscopy last fall.  The liquid used to clean me out did such a good job my farts echoed.  One polyp was found and removed  so they want to see me again in 5 years. I figure it took 57 years for that one polyp how could another show up in 5 years. She who must be obeyed will probably make sure I get tested again in 5 years.

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #32 on: May 12, 2016, 09:14:08 AM »
Quote
I figure it took 57 years for that one polyp how could another show up in 5 years.

Another way to look at it is that it took 56 years to decide to show up and 1 year to show up.
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jackiemac

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #33 on: May 12, 2016, 12:24:14 PM »
I think the test you mention is for prostrate issues and not for colon cancer screening.

No, it's for bowel cancer. I am a female so don't have one of those
Jackie n Steve - Happy Scottish Travellers

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Bill N

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #34 on: May 12, 2016, 01:40:37 PM »
Amen!
Double amen to the prep being the worst part.  I have had 3 and also never had to walk until I was dressed but the last was the worst.  It took me exactly 27 days to have a 'movement' again and after several emails between the doc and me (and lost of Mira-Lax and Benefiber, the most wonderful day of my life was when the plumbing got to working again.

Question:  I was told by my doc that because I am 76 and this is my 3rd procedure I will not be eligible for having another no matter how many more years I live.  Also was told they don't do PSA tests on folks my age anymore either because the corrective action for anything found would be worse than letting the condition continue on.  Sounds like 'death panels' to me.
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denmarc

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #35 on: May 15, 2016, 03:55:54 AM »
A cute joke I heard years ago about a colonoscopy procedure...
A gentleman was in recovery and was in the midst of regaining his composure. The Dr. came in to show him the pics and to let him know that all is well. Nothing abnormal found.
The gentleman then ask his doc for a written note to give to his wife telling her that his head is truly not up there.  ;) 
Mark

1994 Jayco Eagle 370FB on 24 acres of paid off paradise in Michigan.

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William52

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #36 on: July 16, 2016, 12:34:03 AM »
I have had two never again Brother in law walked in and never left the hospital something very wrong happened they killed him. Was his third one . Malpractice suite in progress. Sad day for my family.
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Bill N

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #37 on: July 16, 2016, 06:17:36 AM »
I have had two never again Brother in law walked in and never left the hospital something very wrong happened they killed him. Was his third one . Malpractice suite in progress. Sad day for my family.

Lots of details missing there William.  Hope your post does not discourage anyone from having this most valuable medical procedure performed.  Any invasive procedure does have risks but this one is not that high.
Bill & Joan N in Missouri
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kwbush

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #38 on: July 16, 2016, 08:21:23 AM »
This was the funniest thread I've ever had the pleasure of reading!

I have been on the forum for a little over a year now and have followed many of the posts y'all have made not really knowing how old many of you were. I assumed most to be in their 40's as the majority of campers I run into are around that age, I'm typically the old man in the campground! I was pleasantly surprised to learn most of you are around my age.

I recognize that while the procedure may be life saving, at my age (70) that one ain't ever gonna happen... :-[ Just got through my first bout with Kidney stones and, well, pray there is never a second. :'(

Gentlemen/ladies be well and best of health to y'all! Still laughing and wife thinks I'm nuts...

Keith

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #39 on: July 16, 2016, 08:53:27 AM »
My DH, known for his really sick sense of humor, has had 2 of them now. Both times, as he was finishing up, he said to the techs, "That was fun, can I come back next week?"  :o
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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #40 on: July 16, 2016, 10:34:31 AM »
A lot of funny, a lot of real, all for an important health exam. But there are bad things that can happen.
My most recent involved what they called evolved/trapped gas after a routine colonoscopy.
1. The bad...about an hour after leaving hospital I started having the worse cramps and pain I can remember ever having. And it did not ease. After two hours I went to the ER, doubled over, cramped up and generally not in a good place. I have found that pain is not the priority in ERs, bleeding is.
2. The funny...After finally being seen by physician his treatment plan was to install another tube up the most direct route to the trapped gas and have me walk the hallways until pain eased. Step, toot, step toot for over an hour. Pain finally left along with the toots.
3. The real...nothing found in the exam...clear for another five years.
As another poster said... I will NOT have another unless than can guarantee NO TRAPPED GAS.
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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #41 on: March 28, 2018, 01:00:19 PM »
When I consulted with my GE about the colonoscopy I was just starting showing the symptoms of something else. He then added an endoscopy to follow the colonoscopy.  He found a tumor in advanced stage and biopsied it, is was cancer of the esophagus.
Has anyone heard from Ned? I see his post stopped shortly after this one. Hopefully he recovered but I haven't seen any updates. Just wondering.
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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #42 on: March 28, 2018, 01:03:15 PM »
Never mind I just searched the forum and see that Ned Passed in June of '16. Sorry to hear.
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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #43 on: March 30, 2018, 06:31:46 AM »
Was it the result of the colonoscopy?
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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #44 on: March 30, 2018, 07:14:20 AM »
Was it the result of the colonoscopy?

Deaths as a result of a colonoscopy are exceedingly rare. And since he was diagnosed with esophageal cancer following an endoscopy, I'd think it much more likely to be the cause. Esophageal cancer is very difficult to treat, and has only an 18% average 5-year survival rate. If the cancer has spread to other organs, the survival rate drops to 5%.
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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #45 on: March 30, 2018, 10:36:22 AM »
Here we go folks!
I know I started this thread. But I have to admit guilt about one thing...
At 58 YOA, I haven't had one yet. Something about "up periscope" never appealed to me as a fun time. I was always a believer of "exit only". And I thought it somewhat of a scam from the docs to make some money from unnecessary procedures. Insurance  is somewhat dicey on coverage for the procedure. Out of pocket cost if nothing is found.  Depends on what plan you are paying for.
No family history of any gastrointestinal problems at all. No personal issues regarding this. Just thought it time to get the plumbing checked out.

So now I have decided to go through the process and find out what the old septic tank looks like from the inside. Appointment made for May. That will get my regular doc off my "butt"!

Pics available upon request... $1.00 each.  ;) :o :o ;)   
« Last Edit: March 30, 2018, 10:38:16 AM by denmarc »
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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #46 on: March 30, 2018, 12:53:30 PM »
A wise decision Mark.  Besides the procedure is child's play.  I never saw a thing (3 times - polyps each time).  The wife just had hers and watched it all in HD and she is the one who dreaded it(pre-cancerous large polyps) but is mighty happy now.        BUT - Beware of the prep!.....lol

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #47 on: March 30, 2018, 01:25:38 PM »
BUT - Beware of the prep!.....lol
Bill

Well aware of the prep. The DW has gone through it a few times. I drove home and listened to her babble the whole way.
As well as the bitching about running to the bathroom before the main event!
I already have the jug of the devil's solution sitting on the counter. I see it every day. I was wondering if there is some sort of training I should start. Kind of like what a marathon runner goes through before a big race.

I might need the advice about running. Unless I chose to just spend my time doing laundry the night before.
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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #48 on: March 30, 2018, 01:29:51 PM »
.......................... For your 50th birthday you get a kit to smear your poo on. Pop it in the post and get results back a week or so later. ..................

Does the post office know about this??  I would think there would have to be some bio-hazard sticker on the envelope or something  ???  I have to wonder if the mail service "stinks" over this ;D
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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #49 on: March 30, 2018, 01:57:44 PM »
Mud - You really should get it done ASAP. The wait and the anticipation is far worse than the actual deed itself.
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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #50 on: March 30, 2018, 02:00:23 PM »
Does the post office know about this??  I would think there would have to be some bio-hazard sticker on the envelope or something  ???

Indeed they do, the sample is returned inside a zip seal plastic bag inside another double plastic lined postage-paid mailer.  And yes, that little bit of poo is indeed prominently marked Bio-Hazard on each envelope.

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #51 on: March 30, 2018, 04:13:36 PM »
      I've had several and will be scheduled for another in the next few months. My neighbor and I were talking about this over a bonfire since she had just had hers done also, the funny thing is the notation towards the "bottom" of the report. On both of ours it says "anus is unremarkable", we laughed but I was the first one out with a comment, "see, I told you there was nothing special about your arse".

continuing to hope I am unremarkable!! ;D
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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #52 on: March 30, 2018, 05:05:30 PM »
I am scheduled for one in April. This will be 2nd one, first one I had to drink the gallon. For this one only miralax and gator ade day ahead. Will be interesting to see how it works. Sure better than the gallon
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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #53 on: March 30, 2018, 05:55:55 PM »
I'm scheduled (again) next week. The prep seems to be different (easier) these days with the Gatorade and miralax. Sure beats the old days being bungee corded to the elger for three days.....
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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #54 on: March 30, 2018, 06:27:39 PM »
Have you ever read Dave Barry's column on this topic?

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.

This is from newshound Dave Barry's colonoscopy journal:

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis . Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies. '

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to
be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous.. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.
Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this is, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.
'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #55 on: March 30, 2018, 08:59:53 PM »
Well aware of the prep. The DW has gone through it a few times. I drove home and listened to her babble the whole way.
As well as the bitching about running to the bathroom before the main event!
I already have the jug of the devil's solution sitting on the counter. I see it every day. I was wondering if there is some sort of training I should start. Kind of like what a marathon runner goes through before a big race.

I might need the advice about running. Unless I chose to just spend my time doing laundry the night before.

Vodka is a clear liquid. Wonder if you spiked the prep a tad would they notice.  Course that still doesn't eliminate the 'elimination' problem huh?...lol
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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #56 on: March 30, 2018, 09:02:02 PM »
Does the post office know about this??  I would think there would have to be some bio-hazard sticker on the envelope or something  ???  I have to wonder if the mail service "stinks" over this ;D

Wife just did that and got back results that said - Go do a Colonoscopy.  I can attest that the way this sample is mailed there is not much hope of anything being contaminated or stinking up the post office.  Quite a packing job they provide.

Bill
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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #57 on: March 31, 2018, 08:32:16 AM »
I just got one a few weeks ago and mine was painful. Not the actual colonoscopy, but the IV. It took the nurse three times to get a vein. The first attempt was extremely painful. The second attempt was not as painful but the next week I had a purple hand.

I tell them upfront.  You have two tries to get this iv in.  If you cant do it in two tries, find someone who can.  I have had enough procedures to know some are better at it than others.
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NY_Dutch

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #58 on: March 31, 2018, 09:15:12 AM »
Wife just did that and got back results that said - Go do a Colonoscopy.  I can attest that the way this sample is mailed there is not much hope of anything being contaminated or stinking up the post office.  Quite a packing job they provide.

Bill

Yep, my wife and I get the cards every year at the blood draw a week before our annual physicals. The return packaging follows all USPS regulations. I'm on a 10 year colonoscopy schedule, but it sure would be nice to be able to just mail that one in too!  ::) ;D
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Jeff in Ferndale Wa

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #59 on: March 31, 2018, 12:42:06 PM »
I think the test you mention is for prostrate issues and not for colon cancer screening.



I've seen this test advertised a lot recently, and asked my doctor about it.
He said that it is ok if you have no other options and if you are low risk for colon cancer.
It is better to get the colonoscopy if at all possible.

I just had another colonoscopy since this thread was started.My fourth.Again they found some pre cancerous polyps the were not there three years ago.

For those that still are avoiding the colonoscopy, please reconsider.
I know several people, including my wife and possibly myself,that may not be here today if they had not done their routine colonoscopy.
« Last Edit: March 31, 2018, 12:44:18 PM by Jeff in Ferndale Wa »
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NY_Dutch

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #60 on: March 31, 2018, 12:51:28 PM »
As Jeff said, "please reconsider"! I haven't been directly affected, but I do know several people that have been diagnosed with colon cancer following a routine colonoscopy. The survival rate for stage 1 detection is a very high 80-95%...
Dutch
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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #61 on: March 31, 2018, 02:16:17 PM »
Just before I was going to retire last spring, my 50 year old boss had his first colonoscopy.  It revealed a mass inside his colon that tested positive for cancer. 

Within a week or two, he went under the knife to remove it.  They wound up taking part of his large intestine, his appendix and several lymph nodes.  All of these tested negative, the cancer had not metastasized or spread beyond his colon.  Since it was caught at such an early stage, he did not need any followup radiation or other treatment.

He was out for 6 weeks recovering from the surgery, I stayed around until he was able to return to work.  A year later he's cancer free with 90% odds of staying that way.
« Last Edit: March 31, 2018, 02:28:34 PM by Lou Schneider »

catblaster

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #62 on: March 31, 2018, 04:14:24 PM »
I tell them upfront.  You have two tries to get this iv in.  If you cant do it in two tries, find someone who can.  I have had enough procedures to know some are better at it than others.

  There is a little Haitian nurse at Tampa General that shanks my veins and port when I get my photopheresis. I ask for her every time I go in and even if another tech is doing my procedure she will come look me up just so she can have the honors.  Absolutely painless while the others are good, this little nurse is the best!

  I had a nurse several years ago that had her three tries and was going thru the vein and into the muscle, it would blow up every time, Then she would wiggle it around trying to find the vein.I finally said "you're done, get someone else". She claimed that she never has trouble with peoples veins. Well, I got another nurse that found it first time and was watching her doing the same thing to another poor patient across the room from me. guess what she told him? "I never have this problem with people veins"  Just shows you that some can and some cant!!
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msw3113

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #63 on: March 31, 2018, 07:39:09 PM »
I've had a few and the prep is the least enjoyable part of the procedure.

This is Billy Connolly discussing his experience:  https://vimeo.com/24340828

I've learned to say, "No, I do NOT want to watch the monitor.  I want to go to sleep.  Wake me when it's done."

It's an unpleasant procedure to think about, but I'm one of many who are glad to have it available. 

Those who perform the procedure have even been celebrated in song:  https://vimeo.com/24340828
« Last Edit: March 31, 2018, 07:43:10 PM by msw3113 »
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Oldgator73

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #64 on: March 31, 2018, 10:39:03 PM »
Wow your health care seems to be much more sophisticated than ours in the UK.  For your 50th birthday you get a kit to smear your poo on. Pop it in the post and get results back a week or so later. If there is something iffy then you go for testing.  If cleaf you get the kit again 2 years later. Unless that's what's going on here?

Anyhow I wish you all good health and sending very best wishes to you Ned for a good outcome from your treatment.

You send poo through the mail in the States you get a visit from the FBI.
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Oldgator73

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #65 on: March 31, 2018, 10:49:54 PM »
Several years ago when we lived in Missouri I went for my routine colon photo shoot. Everything seemed to go fine until I got a call the next day. The hospital said there was a problem. The procedure was not clean. I told them I did the prep as per the instructions. They said that wasn't the problem. The problem was the instruments used for my procedure were not properly cleaned after the previous photo shoot. I was asked to come to the hospital for several blood tests. That was about 10 years ago and so far no side effects.
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NY_Dutch

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #66 on: April 01, 2018, 07:25:33 AM »
You send poo through the mail in the States you get a visit from the FBI.

Nope, there are a few different mail-in test cards available in the US for collecting fecal swabs for colon cancer testing. CologuardŽ is probably the best known currently, and is advertised fairly widely. I've done their test as well as one from LabCorp at my doctor's request before my annual physical. The kits meet all USPS hazmat requirements.
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Oldgator73

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #67 on: April 01, 2018, 08:01:01 AM »
Nope, there are a few different mail-in test cards available in the US for collecting fecal swabs for colon cancer testing. CologuardŽ is probably the best known currently, and is advertised fairly widely. I've done their test as well as one from LabCorp at my doctor's request before my annual physical. The kits meet all USPS hazmat requirements.

But you are referring to placing the poo in a box or envelope. I just put a stamp on the poo and drop it in the box.

Look up the definition of facetious.
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Bill N

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #68 on: April 01, 2018, 11:23:41 AM »
But you are referring to placing the poo in a box or envelope. I just put a stamp on the poo and drop it in the box.

Look up the definition of facetious.
  Then it sticks to the bottom of the box and is only removed 30 years later when the box is melted down for scrap to fight World War V

Bill
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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #69 on: April 01, 2018, 11:50:28 AM »
Wow your health care seems to be much more sophisticated than ours in the UK.  For your 50th birthday you get a kit to smear your poo on. Pop it in the post and get results back a week or so later. If there is something iffy then you go for testing.  If cleaf you get the kit again 2 years later. Unless that's what's going on here?

I just remembered something...
I mentioned that my doc has been hounding me to get this done for some time. The test kit was offered a couple of times during yearly physicals as an option. But was also told that the kit is quite vulnerable to false colon cancer results due to other factors. That the only way to confirm those results is the colonoscopy with possible further biopsy/lab testing. Which could pan out to anything from cancer itself, possibly an ulcer, or nothing more than an irritated hemorrhoid.

Anyone else look into this? 
« Last Edit: April 01, 2018, 12:15:54 PM by denmarc »
Mark

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #70 on: April 01, 2018, 12:48:03 PM »
Does the post office know about this??  I would think there would have to be some bio-hazard sticker on the envelope or something  ???  I have to wonder if the mail service "stinks" over this ;D
Yes, it's common. They had it on a cardboard contraption which you put in a foil envelope. New one in plastic container then envelope.
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jackiemac

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #71 on: April 01, 2018, 01:46:42 PM »
I just remembered something...
I mentioned that my doc has been hounding me to get this done for some time. The test kit was offered a couple of times during yearly physicals as an option. But was also told that the kit is quite vulnerable to false colon cancer results due to other factors. That the only way to confirm those results is the colonoscopy with possible further biopsy/lab testing. Which could pan out to anything from cancer itself, possibly an ulcer, or nothing more than an irritated hemorrhoid.

Anyone else look into this?
We do one, if blood present, we do another, i guess if 2nd positive then you get further testing.   
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Ernie n Tara

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #72 on: April 02, 2018, 07:44:56 AM »
There is a big difference between a check for blood and a DNA check. The first is standard for every check up we get, the second is "send us a stool sample".

Ernie
Ernie 'n Tara

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denmarc

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #73 on: April 03, 2018, 10:14:26 AM »
There is a big difference between a check for blood and a DNA check.

Exactly. But the kit I am pertaining to is the first test. And it requires a stool sample to be dropped off directly to my doctors office lab. Not a "mail in" kit.
Actually, it says right on the kit that it should not be used by patients with hemorrhoids or other internal issues where any blood would be passed. Nothing mentioned about DNA.

A couple annual physicals ago, my doc again brought the subject up. It was again mentioned about the kit. Was told again that these type of test kits do have somewhat of a record of giving false test results. And if a positive comes back, the only real way of confirming that test result was taking a closer look.

I'm confused.  :o :o :o

And now back to the topic...

A guy just had a colonoscopy procedure preformed and was waiting for the test results.
Doc walks in to say everything looked just fine.
Patient replies "Damn! I was hoping you would find that stupid TV remote I've been looking for"!   ;)
« Last Edit: April 03, 2018, 10:19:02 AM by denmarc »
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Molaker

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #74 on: April 03, 2018, 04:58:51 PM »
The colonoscopy procedure can be a real pain in the ass.  If from nothing else other than wiping after each preparation session.  One word of advice, get some really soft toilet tissue before starting the process.
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Oldgator73

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #75 on: April 03, 2018, 09:53:46 PM »
The colonoscopy procedure can be a real pain in the ass.  If from nothing else other than wiping after each preparation session.  One word of advice, get some really soft toilet tissue before starting the process.

This reminds me of a new topic to be started in the Shade Tree.
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Bill N

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #76 on: April 04, 2018, 07:48:30 AM »
This reminds me of a new topic to be started in the Shade Tree.
(:( (:( (:( (:( (:( (:( (:( (:( (:(

Bill
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cadee2c

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #77 on: April 04, 2018, 06:49:22 PM »
Quote
The colonoscopy procedure can be a real pain in the ass.  If from nothing else other than wiping after each preparation session.  One word of advice, get some really soft toilet tissue before starting the process.


Baby wipes are wonderful for that.
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John Stephens

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Re: The lighter side of a colonoscopy
« Reply #78 on: April 04, 2018, 09:56:24 PM »
One of the most memorable quotes in my life was from the recovery room nurse: "Your passing gas is music to my ears."
John
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