My other half doesn't like RVing...

Guguluff said:

Denmarc, we had some serious discussions because we're missing out on life, as a family and as individuals. 2 of his friends died at 26 and 33 and some other acquaintances died in our home country last fall, in a terrible fire, in a club. We could of been there... But he works a lot and spends more than 10h/ day in front of the laptop, sometimes 14-16 if we don't have anything to do... It's sad because kids see this and we already have problems with the girl, because she avoids nature, hiking and camping. Wonder why...

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It sounds like there have been some tragic times in your lives. I'm sorry. I'm not going to try and tell your hubby he is in the wrong. I will tell you this...
I was never close to my father. Mom ruled the roost. I never went fishing or hunting with my dad. Only a couple family trips for vacations. Very little interest shown to me during my childhood/teen achievements. No close relationship there. I also rebelled against my mother due to her tight fisted attitude.
As I grew older, got married, and had children of my own, I grew to learn that mom did it right. Dad passed in his early 50's. Now that I'm in my 50's, there are some of those same traits apparent between my son and I. Traits I now regret because I now know it's my own fault.

My point being that maybe it's time for hubby to realize that hard work is a very noble thing. Nobody will argue that point. However, he is also a husband and a father. Neither should ever be put on the "back burner". EVER! Not to mention that maybe he needs to put the laptop in the closet for a day/week every now and then to focus on the family. Something for him to think about.
Also, maybe RVing just isn't his thing.

Which brings me to you. Full timing is done by many. But it doesn't work for everyone. Compromise is a major component of marriage. But it takes commitment by both. A healthy compromise by both of you will show your children that family outings can include everyone and be fun. Not to mention the great memories as a family.

Again, I'm not picking sides. RVing is a family friendly hobby. It does take a little work along the way. We all have our stories about past experiences. Good and bad. But the time and effort the family spends together is priceless. Finding just where you fit into the mix can be negotiable and worked out.

What hurts is finding out too late.
Best of luck.       

Happy Prospector said:

Maybe what you need is a RV'ing Boyfriend, that way you would have the House Husband and the Camping Boyfriend. Of course they should be kept separate to keep harmony in your life.

Or you could RV alone, or with a gal pal. Or get a divorce and marry someone who is more compatible with your chosen lifestyle.

Or stay with your husband and drag him out camping, and have a grand old time.




The information is out there, all you have to do is let it in.

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What a terrible suggestion. You must be out of your mind to say something like this.

Guguluff said:

Judy, thank you for your advice. Gonna try some lonely Rv-women in the area. I found one site like that and they requested an annual fee. But womenrv.com doesn't seem to have any membership fee so it's great. Will read as much as possible and in the meanwhile will find some way to save for a class B or a van, for myself and I.
CamperAL, we went to the star party at Grand Canyon in June: https://www.nps.gov/grca/planyourvisit/grand-canyon-star-party.htm
We were so lucky because we were visiting GC in that period and I showed him the signs and insisted that we go w/ our daughter. He's got a Celestron 20x80 binoculars but rarely uses it. We went to Nasa Space Center in Houston, in March. But will keep an eye on the forum to find some astronomy events/ RV rallies.
Denmarc, we had some serious discussions because we're missing out on life, as a family and as individuals. 2 of his friends died at 26 and 33 and some other acquaintances died in our home country last fall, in a terrible fire, in a club. We could of been there... But he works a lot and spends more than 10h/ day in front of the laptop, sometimes 14-16 if we don't have anything to do... It's sad because kids see this and we already have problems with the girl, because she avoids nature, hiking and camping. Wonder why...
SMR, I wonder if it pays off to spend 70$/ year. I would love to find a community w/ women of different ages and family situations, because I'm not an empty nester or retired so I would like to meet mothers that go solo on the road, for weeks or even months (how do they make money/ keep a job, who takes care of the kids, how do they fix the RV if needed, etc.) Will look into that, thank you!

Thank you all for reassuring me that I'm normal!  I don't get much support in real life (my parents don't understand the RV lifestyle and my in-laws think that only poor people own a trailer and live in it...) and started to doubt my insanity (instead of being a quiet homemaker I want to be a full time traveler).

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You knew from the get go, his feelings, because you said so when you were searching for the RV.  Don't expect him to change his attitude much. You can't force your dreams on somebody else that don't want the same as you. My wife and I did things separately because she didn't like what I liked. We've been married for 36 years, and are both not in the best of health but we will spend the rest of our days with each other. Looks like you may have made a huge mistake spending so much to just trying it out. I sure wouldn't let it ruin a marriage.

DearMissMermaid said:

Maybe hubby would like it more if you went fewer miles but stayed longer.

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Thank you so much for the funny and encouraging stories. And yes, we ran along the way, on our trips. When we stay for two or more days in one place, everything falls into place. Will do that more often.
Denmarc, on my behalf I can say that I want to try to leave home for a few months in a row, not go full timing to begin with. I now it's hard and I'm willing to rough things out for a while, but I know that I must try this. I have 2 kids so I'm not gonna abandon my family just for that dream, but would like for all summer vacations to shut the doors and leave. That would be a realistic plan w/ or w/out the family, but would prefer w/.
To sum up my philosophy of life, I will post the former president's of Uruguay speech, @min. 1:50: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GX6a2WEA1Q
So I appreciate all the the hard work, the important carriers that others accomplish but life is not about that. Life is about living it and one can't do that just after 6-7 pm and in weekends... That's why I mentioned lost friends. They're not gonna get to the retirement years and cruse, golf, glamping or whatever.
92GA, it wasn't all in vain. We already spent more time together and made a lot of nice memories. It's my mistake that I presented him in a bad light. He's a nice person, a great dad and he indeed likes other things that I like. But I do not regret buying the TT and truck because we learned a lot. Last weekend we went to a lake and spend more time outside, we hiked for 7 miles carrying the wee one and it was hard but rewarding. It wasn't such a big hassle because we did not bring the trailer home we packed what we needed and drove by the storage to get the TT and continued towards the lake. Maybe he'll like it better to just rest in those journeys not just to hook-unhook the hitch, dump, etc. Hope never dies, I guess.

I'm just saying don't push too hard. You don't want him to hate it. My wife is somewhat like you, when we were young she wanted to go hiking and camping. She is also 8 years younger than I, and I've always had a laborious type jobs and the last thing I wanted on my weekends was hiking. We've had some type of camper since we were married, but didn't use it all that much, but it was there when we wanted it. I've used the MH for the last 16 years pulling race cars to the track with my son, she did tag along a few times, but I didn't make a big deal out of it. The kids sold their camper 3 years ago so we've only been out a few times since. I sold the racing cars and trailers along with the MH last spring, because of my health. Then she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer last Oct 26th and had surgery Nov. 2nd. We did purchase another MH so we could travel for treatment and another surgery. Now they are telling us no more surgery, so we are on the fence whether to sell or not. Good luck with your dream, just don't push him too hard, it may grow on him. 

Hi,

That is my bet, if you camp out once every so often, it might grow on him and he will begin to enjoy the lifestyle.

I like Larry N's suggestions

I'm a homebody too.  DW often talked about retiring in a MH, at least part time..... seemed like a big yuck to me.

I'm not quite like the OP's husband though....I do like camping (although camping to me is more off-grid)
I also short trips, visiting new places for fun with the family on occasion, etc...
but I used to travel a lot for work and had little use for airline or distant travel
and I like my "stuff" and being in my own "place"

We had a popup.  I grew to hate the work of it.
Finally DW suggested MH or TT.  I slowly came around the the MH idea....and now that I have experienced it I think it is the only way to go.
I have come around to almost picturing me eventually doing a full time thing, or very long part time trips after downsizing significantly.  I have come to see the beauty in the simplicity of LESS STUFF

You might try to talk him into a trial trip in a rented MH, to something he wants to do.

This sounds so much like when my wife and I first met, it's pretty scary, actually. I didn't take vacations at all and she was used to taking them once or twice a year, at least. It wasn't that I didn't like traveling, I just didn't like planning the vacation or the actual travel to the destination. I finally realized that taking a break was good for me and us both and we started taking vacations once or twice a year, sometimes more with weekends away. I did this because it wasn't just about me, she has needs and I do things that she likes to do not because I like them, because I love her.

Speaking from experience, he sounds like an introvert. I work in the tech industry and I believe I chose that profession because in a computer, I can control things better than I can in the "real" world. It took many years, but I forced myself to let go of some things and start living out of my mind and in the real world. It's still hard for me live by the real world's rules because they are so ambiguous, not like a computer where everything is fairly cut and dry. Fear is really the source of what I used to be like and I had to confront those fears to move on.

I am not trying to play psychologist here, just relating my own very similar situation to you in case there is something I can offer as far as understanding what goes on in your husband's mind.

I hope it helps.

Chris

We don't have the issues you do, but if we'd started with a trailer I expect we would. Simply too much hassle and too much nature. As it is we bought a trial motor home; it worked so we moved up. He probably needs a place to work, a little privacy, and simple. The idea to rent a mh is probably a good one.

I'd also note that some people are "campers" and others are "rvers". The two can mix but they are different breeds and need to recognize that!

Ernie

92GA, I'm sorry about your wife's health problems. I hope she'll regain her health, so both of you could enjoy many more years of traveling. It one of the life's most wonderful things. I'm not gonna push him, but he needs a kick from time to time, to get out of his chair.
camperAL, in more than a month we did not take the trailer out and about. If you ask me I would go every other weekend somewhere near the house, but without my foot in the door, nothing happens.
blw2, thanks for the suggestion w/ the MH. I begin to like camper vans and smaller class Cs, but I'm sure those would be too small for a family of 4; but I'm considering renting a 26 ft class C, maybe next summer.
Moebius, I think you got it right. He's usually enjoying himself on vacations, but everything should be next to perfect. The problem is that both of us worked on the computer, for some years and it becomes "natural" to spend all the free time in front of the computer at home. Internet is addictive and I think the vast majority of younger generations are addicts. But no one does anything about it, we all live connected, until we die... I found that when we are on the road and exploring new places he spends less time on the computer and I don't bring the laptop along. So that's one of the reasons why I hope to travel more.
Ernie n Tara, I realized it makes more sens not to hook-unhook, crank down leveling jacks, get outside in the cold and rain to move from truck to trailer... I chose this combo because I read that we needed a toad anyway and I was kind of scared of driving a bus around. But the truck+TT is still long and bulky; not so different after all.

I'm still here, not signing in often as I had nothing much to add. Most here followed my saga for some time.
DD is still in the group home and doing pretty good.  MIL is in assisted living and we are still trying to get her
VA benefits started, I'm hopeful as in October will be a year, her sister just got hers. DH goes to see her about
every day or every other day, I think he feels guilty, but no much else you could do.

DH retired in January, we are busting our butts working.  We have bought 6 rentals up here, yes, you read that right,
closing on number 6 Aug 12th.  We have 3 rented and the newest one shouldn't take a month or less to get ready.  It's
near turnkey, just some painting on inside walls and cleaning.  After huge property tax increase in Texas I fought on the
duplex, next year its being sold and some lots down there. Taxes went from $1500 to $4700, just crazy.  That will clear
those out.

Ok, I have been telling husband I will help him till spring to finish the last 2.  One is his mom's house, needed quite a bit
of work and the other I bought some time ago and still needs a lot, but we will get there, demand is high. Ability to pay,
is we shall see, so far so good.  But with some of these younger folks, we are repair people and counselors.  LOL!  They tell
us we are the best landlords ever, we always tried to be.  And I'm strict as ever.

I don't know if he will go with me or not, but when I help finish these I'm quitting on remodeling, at least full time,
if he wants to keep doing it go for it, we are 70!  I'm hoping if I go in the winter, he will just get bored.  Most everyone
we know here goes south for the winter.

I'm going to S Korea again in Sept this time for a couple of weeks to see grandbaby again, he will be a year and 3 months,
hubby won't go till he is old enough to remember him, does that make sense?  They are trying to get transferred home but
not so easy and of course its would be dumb for him to quit a good job, he is getting near to a pension, so I will go once a year till they can.

We are still going to Mall of the Americas, yes I put it off a month as I have produce I'm canning, I'm saying this is the last
year for a garden, or at least a big one.  Think I will buy from the amish in the future if I continue to can.  He does think its
silly for me to do that.  But I like the food.

We still haven't found why the motorhome started using oil, had it to diesel shop they say they can't see evidence of it but it
did last trip and he measured it carefully.  I said so lets buy a newer one, found a nice Eagle for $100k, 2004, excellent condition.
He says, that's a lot of money for one so old, I says we can get a different brand for much less, but I step in and the difference
in quality hits me quick. He says well we can just have the old diesel overhauled for $15k, see my ploy here.  LOL!  The old one is fine
with me, I like it and everything in it is new, and never had a  problem with the engine, no repairs or anything to it.  Yes, brakes,
air bags, batteries, tires, all kinds of inside appliances, etc but not the engine.  He says when I get time I will look at it first as we really don't think its using oil, think it might be kicking it out when driving or something, no leaks in the garage, no plume of smoke down the road.  I am not checking oil constantly while traveling and worrying about it if alone.  We are taking this trip with it just at or below add to see if that helps, he did that the last day of driving home from Florida and it used none.  We  have argued this point that maybe he is just putting to much in and he wouldn't listen until the last day of driving.  He is generally right on mechanical stuff, but once in a blue moon I am. This big negative on this coach is no slides, but $85k to get slides is a pretty high price to pay.

I told him yesterday, well I didn't make reservations in Florida for next winter and should have, silence.  I know he traveled the world working and I know he likes to be home.  But I know what I like to do also, I haven't even had my boat out once this summer.  It's been raining here like crazy, and beyond hot and miserable, so not much point to try.

This doesn't help you but that's kind of my saga in a nutshell.  I was going to join RVing Women in Michigan for a rally and with so much going on I decided to cancel, but I will still do it one day.  I feel so badly leaving DD behind, she loved traveling so and my take her now and then.  He says he doesn't care if I want to go, go.  That doesn't make me happy as I've always been alone traveling, but if that's the only way I can go I will.

I am going to go next year when done.  Maybe after he is home alone for awhile he might decide to come at least once in awhile, we
shall see.  I'm getting old and don't know how many more years I have left to do things I enjoy.

Oh many of you know I have had tremendous problems with my feet.  I finally decided to get DonJoy ankle stabilizers.  You lace them, then have straps that crisscross and an elastic piece at the top.  I went to our local pharmacy and they sell diabetic shoes, tennis, but
some you can buy with real ridged backs to hold the foot stable and a wider toe box.  Added my orthotics to them and it has given me a lease on life.  They were so bad I could hardly walk, the pain got to a point I couldn't even sleep at night, I was in agony.  At first I slept with them on and had them on day and night.  Now at times I can leave them off for a day and only sleep with them at night on occasion.  Docs were not encouraging so I just started looking for solutions on my own. Best thing I've ever done, I don't look like a fashion model but hey walking is damned important.

So nope I haven't given up yet.  If I really get aggravated I will have a newer motorhome, but I'm kind of a tightwad too so would rather not, but one way or another I will go.

If we get done in time and I doubt it, but even if we don't, I would love to meet up somewhere maybe in January or February and we could do somethings together.  I like to fish, bikeride, not sure how much walking I can do but will find out in Korea as we walk everywhere there and this time will take public transportation.  Love my little DIL and grandson.

You can PM me. As I've said I am 70, but in my mind I think I'm oh maybe 40 or 50 and I also love to cook, go to movies, dinner theaters.  I don't golf or play tennis, also like cruises.  I think he and I will still take a trip to Cuba when they open up more, he is interested in that.

Ok, gotta go, we are also mowing 8 acres, I'm mowing a lot today to help in the little town by us to help it look better and then
go and work on scraping and painting window frames on a house.  Here's a couple of new pictures.

That's me with my new ankle stabilizers on, it has also helped with all the back pain I had!!!


Sorry I wrote a book, but you'all know how I am!!

PatStab, I'm so glad you told me your story. I've received some great advice about hitting the road alone and I'm convincing myself that this is the only way.
Good luck with your trip to S Korea; every child needs his/ hers grandparents close, from time to time, because they grow up so fast and they remember their childhood especially the most spoiled moments. My parents stayed with us for 2 month this spring and the kids where delighted. They also rent apartments for a supplementary income and they have so much to repair and maintain. But it pays off and allows them to be free.
We where thinking of moving to Texas... The property tax is huge here too, but $4700 for an apartment is absurd. I would gladly buy a bigger rig and live in RV parks and NP; is much cheaper and nicer. No mowing, no property tax, to more huge water/ electric bills.
I like to fish, bike ride and love sewing and other crafts. One of my best friend is 63 so age is just a number if 2 persons get along. Maybe will get together one day. I have to get used to driving the truck+TT by myself for longer trips.
You look younger, BTW! I appreciate all the active women out there, regardless of age; you are an inspiration for the rest of us, who want to be more independent and courageous.

Good to hear from you again, Carolyn. Thanks for updating us. Good to hear that Tom retired, too -- I'm sure that's wonderful for you.

It is good he retired, he is a HUGE help here, really has taken the load off me with his mom and work
around here.  With 2 of us we can whizz through our 4 acre yard in 1 1/2 to 2 hours and I no longer
have to weedeat the ditch.

He still wants to check the diesel himself, this next jaunt to Minnesota should tell us if the usage is
real or not.  He said he put in exactly what the book called for but its odd once it got below add it
quit using it.  So we will see, he said if it needs overhauled and gets done its good to go for more
years.  We shall see what happens.  Really hate to buy another at our age and with everything else
in good working condition.

Guguluff, I also like to sew, have a big sewing room but since we moved have done little of it, always
busy.

We live in southern rural Indiana, moved from Texas.  I am protesting those taxes again, the real
estate agent I talked to said he has never seen people protesting their taxes there like they are the
last couple of years.  Ours went up something like 700%, I didn't know they could do that.  But you
realize with no state taxes they have to get revenue from somewhere, not surprising to me.

Our son waited long enough to have a baby, he is 46, his wife 36, I imagine he will be their one and
only.  I'm prejudiced but he is a little doll.

Tom will go some but not as much as I want I know.  I do think its harder to use a truck and trailer,
it wasn't feasible with our daughter when I traveled, though some of the newer ones are much
easier to level, etc so shouldn't be to bad.  I have been as far as California, Florida, Padre Island, I
go around big cities if possible, camp out aways if I can and drive the toad.  I have Coach Net, used
it on my last coach for flat tires and once on this one, its a good company and makes feel comfortable
traveling alone.  I have traveled both with and without a gun.  But in the motorhome since its self
contained, if something doesn't look right I just move along.

When he was gone DD and I went a lot of places and we did this Feb I believe it was.  I can only take
her out of the group home 60 days a year so limits what she can do with us.  But we set aside 6 days
for her to go to the Mall of the Americas and will soon.  I am so used to being alone it doesn't bother
me that much.

Hope to meet you and share some fun, I'm pretty much ready to do most anything.  You know something
I really want to do and haven't?  I want to go ziplining, what do you think about that??

i've said it before and I'll say it again.. you're a class act Carolyn.

Kev

I want to go ziplining, what do you think about that??

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That's something that I think would have been fun 15 or so years ago, but my arthritis now makes me leery of it, since too many joints are rather touchy.

Oh mine are too.  I have osteoarthritis in L5, bad feet, hurt a lot in the joints, go to the chiropractor when
needed.  But hey a good old tramadol, arthrotec, and acetaminophen, and a soak in hot water with Epsom
salts makes me feel like a new woman. Well almost that is.

But can't let a little thing like age hold us down.  I tell hubby he is limping, he says he has to walk slower so
I can keep up.  LOL! 

He and I do pretty good we only get into it about once a week, he is still adjusting to not being able to have
me do things like the "hired help" did. He is slowly, very very slowly coming around, tough to retrain old dogs
you know, but I have a lot of patience.  Everybody around here are always asking how we get along now that
he is home full time.  They get a funny look on their faces when we tell them.  He says I'm close to getting fired,
I told him please do, please, fire me.

We are planning to take off to Mall of the Americas, finally, the 14th of this month, only gone a week
but that's ok.  Boarding the pets, and taking DD, she is so excited, and yes DH is going too.

Will see how it goes, hope its not as hot, this heat is getting to me.

Wow! A threesome -- great!

I'm sure I will still be doing some traveling alone, but I think he will go also.

It's taking time for him to adjust from a world of work, he never had an 8 to 5
job in his life.  Worked many times 7 days a week and rarely if ever worked
less then 6, I don't know how he did it.  That was his life. He was always the
first guy there and last to leave, being a boss on construction is not like other
jobs especially when you work in the field.

And I saw him many times drive from Livingston, Texas to the Woodlands each
day to work till I insisted he stay.  I was afraid he was going to be so tired he
would fall asleep and kill himself.  Luckily it wasn't a long duration.

So Tom has never done anything but work.  I think he had more leisure time
overseas then he ever did. 

Then we moved on top of it so a total life change, its hard enough just to retire.
I'm glad we came back home though, he likes it here.  Once we get these 3 houses
rented then we will see how it goes.  I think we can get them done by the spring.
One will be done in a month, his mom's next, the 3rd one is the one that still needs
the most work.  He likes making them energy efficient also, if you don't renters can't
afford the rent plus bills so helps us too!! 

But I'm still going at times, not parking my tail feathers yet!!