Rudeness...

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Tom Hoffman

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Home: Eastern Iowa
This evening my wife and I went out to a Chinese Restaurant in Independence Ia for supper.  We were seated in an out of the way corner.  The next two tables closest to us were filled within minutes of our arrival. 

Once we got settled, I noticed that on both of the tables closest to us cell phones out and in use of some sort.  One table had an elderly couple with what appeared to be their young adult grandson.  He proceeded to make calls and carry on phone conversations all the while pretty much ignoring the old couple.

The other table had a Husband and Wife with about a 3 year old little girl who was very lively, through out their meal the Dad had his phone in front of his face while seemingly keeping one ear cocked to the little girl who was bouncing off the seat cushions.  He seemed to completely ignore the wife. 

I was appalled at the actions of the young adult male and his complete rudeness toward the old couple.  They seemed to be resigned to it and said nothing to him.  It was all I could do to not walk over and take the phone from him and stick it where he would not be able to retrieve it easily in case he actually had to make an important call. 

I called all of the proceedings to my wife's attention.  She had been aware of it as well.  Only then did she tell me that the young mother had her phone out as well and was texting and playing a game too.  I couldn't see, as her back was to me and my view was obscured by it.

What is going on?  Have the people completely lost their minds?  Where does this rudeness come from? 

I have seen the commercial about "digital dead walkers"  I guess I am now starting to slightly understand.  I think that these digitally addicted could be led off a cliff like lemmings and the world would be a better place.
 
A number of years ago I took my daughter and son, who were home for a visit, out for dinner. Before our meals were served my daughter took a call and stayed with it for the first half of her salmon dinner, about 20 minutes.

One of her customers had a problem with a networking system she engineered and a tech called her for assistance. She walked him through solving the problem and a quick operations test.

Not all of those youngsters are playing games all day and night. Some of them, like my daughter, never leave their office... which is their laptop and cell phone.
 
Your point is well made, however it was a blatant display of rudeness on her part to do it the way you describe. 

Because she is tethered to her office at all times, then she had the ability to get up, excuse herself, leave the table and go and field her service call from the bathroom, or outside or back in the car.

Had I been a diner in close proximity to her 20 minute service call, my dinner would have been just a disrupted as hers and yours, and you should have not put up with it as well.

We are to the point now that non action on our part condones rudeness.
 
First you are offended because you see someone on a cell phone.

Now you're offended because someone at an adjacent table could handle their business in a quiet, professional manner while eating their dinner. Frankly, our table was much louder after she was done with her business and all three of us caught up on each other's lives.

Maybe it is you who should pay more attention to your own dinner guest and less time staring at the actions of every other patron in the establishment, who must find you really rude.
 
Larry,  you have to be kidding. 

A restaurant is not the setting to take a call, make a call, play a game or surf the web.  It is completely inappropriate and should not be done and if done is blatant rudeness, thus the title of my original posting.  The fact that you choose to attack me shows that you obviously condone these actions.  You must have a high tolerance for BS and must not have raised your daughter to be any better. 

Where are her manners?  Did you really teach her to have so little regard for you as to feel it is appropriate to disrespect her parent by this display of 'RUDENESS'?

Just because technology lets this kind of thing happen, does not give some one else the automatic  right to subject strangers to their life or conversations many times held loudly with little regard for anyone else other than their feeling that since their "PHONE" summoned them they now have the right to be RUDE to total strangers.

I was not offended that he took or made the call, he could have taken his leave and handled it appropriately as your daughter could have also.  What offended me was the disrespect to the Grandparents who were obviously hurt by the whole thing, but had grace enough to be embarrassed and end the meal and let him get back to his busy life.

When all this takes place loudly less than five feet away it is a little hard to ignore.  You don't have to look up or pay attention, you don't have any choice than to be drug into it kicking and screaming as normal conversation with my wife was all but impossible with his call going on.
 
Hi Tom,

Every situation is different, of course, and often hard to thoroughly describe.  That said, I too find people's behavior with their phones to be generally rude and inconsiderate.  Sadly, that describes our modern society in a nutshell...  There are a few folks that are able to talk quietly into their phone but the majority seem to talk quite loudly.  I am fairly miserable when 'trapped' in a restaurant, airport gate, doctor's office, or similar with these folks.  Games (with the sound off) or using the phone for reading doesn't bother me though (assuming these are strangers and not people that I am treating to dinner!).  I'm not positive but I think (using your scenario) that it is no longer socially acceptable for the grandparents to tell the boy to put the phone away and visit with them (sadly).  Of course, all this tells me that my expectations of adults is obviously out of line considering how little is expected from our youth. 

Not a very positive comment on my part.... sorry.  :(
 
Folks, please refrain from posting personal comments about other members.
 
I spent the month of May on vacation visiting friends and relatives, most of whom I had not seen in over a year. I was shocked at how often someone would pull out a phone and start texting while we were in the middle of a conversation. I only have a few hours to visit with them and they can't put down the dam phone for an hour or two.
 
I see more and more establishments posting signs asking not to use cell phones while in their building. If you have to use a phone for business or a personal call, take it outside away from everyone. I don't want to hear what's going on in you life. It's just being respectful.
 
Tom,
It's is truly a different generation. Not bad, but different. Their electronics become an extension of themselves identifying where they are, what they're doing, and what they're thinking. When we had teenagers at home I would put the kibosh on electronics at the dinner table so we could visit. That rule has stuck even today when we get together to visit. But now it seems this generation can multi-task so well they can do both - carry on a conversation and click their little buttons!
I would try to not let it bother you.
 
1. Being a geezer I find using a cell phone at the restaurant table something I never do. Emergencies, (work included) would require me to excuse myself from the table to help some newbie to get a clear picture on their RV tv. (Push the damm button I showed you on the walk through.)

2. Thinking through the situation, what is the difference when other patrons are having a conversation between themselves? Do you eavesdrop on them?

On the count of three, let the fiery responses fly!   
 
Tom,

Nowhere in your original post did you say anybody was loud. Do you now think now you need some additional justification for your comments?

You were offended because someone was quietly talking on a phone and another was texting! You need to get out more. Or, maybe not!
 
We were walking in downtown Charleston the other day. A Mom & Dad were being followed by 3 teens/pre-teens and each had their noses in their cell phones (the kids, not the parents) as they walked. DH and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes. It really was kind of pathetic.

 
There is nothing new here. Teenagers have been ticking off old people since day one. It will never stop no matter how much complaining you all do on a forum. Of course when I was a teenager then all teens were perfect. ::)
 
I agree with Tom that it is indeed a a strange indicator of society when a group of 4-5 people (in some social gathering/situation) involves almost everyone looking down at their phone/device... whether work, recreation, etc.  Heck, restaurants are even promoting electronic communications to do business.  One sit-down burger place we went recently has devices on each table which permit the customer to order their food, play games while they wait (for a fee of course), and pay the bill at any time.  Why bother with waiters or waitresses!

While younger generations are certainly more device-centralized (as they have grown up with it and don't know any different), that's not exclusively the case.  My parents (in their mid 60's) have Galaxy S6 phones, probably pay $100/month for their data plan, and always seem to be messing around online.  Meanwhile my wife and I have among the cheapest Tracfone and Boost Mobile smart phones/plans, with a teenager and preteen who still don't have their own phones yet (almost unheard of).

Face to face interaction is becoming a rare commodity, something that my wife & I are trying to actively teach our kids since they certainly won't learn it anywhere else!  We're trying to keep them grounded to the "real" world as much as possible.
 
Amber and I are the parents of a 5 y/o and we are VERY conscious of tech addiction. I am a software developer, so my income depends on people using the software I help create. HOWEVER, when Amber and I grew up there were no such devices, we just had TV and very primitive game consoles. We both ate dinner at a dinner table and talked about our days with our respective families. That was how it was.

Today, we find ourselves distracted by our iPhones and iPads, but one of us is usually there to say "Turn it off." We have made it a point to eat dinner at the dinner table where we can talk to each other and leave the distractions, including TV, off. When we do go out in public, we are dismayed by how other parents (and grandparents) use technology as ways to keep children occupied, almost as if they don't want to talk to them or are afraid if they don't give them the gadget, they will scream and embarrass them. Little do they know that in some people's eyes, they are shaming themselves by allowing the technology to replace their interaction.

Just like Tom mentioned, children have always had things that their parents didn't and everyone says this will destroy our race. It hasn't yet and I sincerely hope that we will acknowledge the problem and educate parents and caregivers regarding the harmful effects of technology on sleep, attention, aggression, etc.

Fingers are crossed.
 
Heck, restaurants are even promoting electronic communications to do business.  One sit-down burger place we went recently has devices on each table which permit the customer to order their food, play games while they wait (for a fee of course), and pay the bill at any time.  Why bother with waiters or waitresses!

King's Food Host (I was in Topeka, KS then) was doing that back in the mid '60s -- they didn't have waitresses, you just ordered from the booth. Someone did bring your order to the table, though.
 
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