“The Garage”. That place men tend to go when we’ve got “stuff to do”.
Why isn’t a garage called a “carage”? And why does the word “garage” look so much like “garbage”? Is that a coincidence? Maybe it’s because ‘mericans don’t put their cars in the carage, instead we put our garbauge in the garraaaahhge. You know…that pile of stuff that we might need, someday. The chunks of carpet that we might need for patching, the pieces of hard wood, doweling, drift wood we found years ago or the stump or chunk or burl wood that we were going to make into a table or something. How bout the coffee cans full of miscellaneous nuts, bolts and screws…? Never know when yer gonna need one of those. I’ve got two coffee cans full of nuts, bolts, washers, an screws. If what I’m looking for isn’t in one of those cans…ah really don’t need to fix it.
And how many car jacks does one man need? I’ve gotta couple scissor jacks, four hydraulic jacks, and a floor jack. I’ve got two jack stands and two metal car ramps. And how bout all those partially filled cans of paint and stain? I must have pulled out thirty each gallon cans and eight five gallon buckets of partially filled paint cans…not to mention the empty cans, or the cans that were five plus years old with nothing more then a dried up semi-soft rubbery substance stuck to the bottom of the can. Never know…I might get ambitious and stain the fence or the deck…someday. Every garage has got to have at least 6 rollers rolling, 5 rusty paint trays, 4 paint tray liners, 3 hardened paint brushes, 2 extension handles an oooooone cleeeeeean paint braaaaush….
An how bout wire? Men loooove wire. Especially bailing wire, and extension cords…plugs ends optional. Got the three prong stove plugs, stereo equipment wiring, speaker wires, automotive wiring or various assorted colors, house wiring, cable jacks, splitters, and Christmas tree lights that don’t work jus in case I need “spare parts”. Gotta box full of abandoned remotes, and power converters for everything from telephones to toys. I’ve got battery chargers for the car, the drills and power tools to rechargeable flashlight batteries. Course I don’t own any rechargeable batteries and I can’t remember what the power converters went to anymore…but ya never know. I just might run across the toy, razor or tool that matches the power converter.
An how about the plumbing stuff. Yeah…always need plumbing stuff. PVC, CPVC, ABS, and all the different glue and primer that ya need for each kind of pipe. Then ya got the copper pipe, the cast iron pipe, and the newer Peck’s pipe and all the little fittings that go with that. Gate valves, ¼ turn valves, sink valves, spare water heater elements, angled shut off valves, hoses and supply lines of any imaginable size. Soldering gun (or two), solder, flux, propane torch, meps gas and regular propane, with varied assortment of elbows, connectors, unions and drains. You can never have enough plumbing stuff. When I go to Lowes or Home Depot…ah always end up buying “extra” stuff, cuz when ya need it…ya REALLY need it…NOW. Two Plumbing snakes, at least two plungers and two or three different kinds of fluid to clear clogged drains. Then there is the plumber’s putty, at least six rolls of Teflon tape, epoxy for those stubborn drips, and copious rolls of electrical tape and duct tape jus in case all else fails. Duct tape is one of those garage “staples” that ya always have to have on hand. It’s the bread and milk of the Man Cave. In Viet Nam we called it “thousand mile an hour” tape, cuz it was used to patch bullet or shrapnel holes on planes.
Then ah got the camping stuff, the pots and pans, the plastic dishes, four tents, the hammocks, camping chairs, barbecue, the sun shower, the cooking grill, the first aid kit, life jackets, fishing gear, tackle boxes (one for each kind of fishing I do), 10 different kinds of fishing poles, 15 different kinds of fishing reels, anchors, no boat, fish finder, no boat, a 10’ lower batton for a sail boat ah usta have…an electric trolling motor, no boat, the blow up water wings, sleeping bags, ground cloths, the battery powered margareta maker that jacks into the cigarette lighter, swim fins and snorkeling gear, the 5000 kw generator, Coleman lanterns, the wiener roasting prongs, the foot pump to blow up the float toys and the air mattress, the two way walkie talkies and the whistles and a compass in case the kids git lost,..oh least I forget…the flare gun and pepper spay in case of emergencies or bear.
I haven’t even gotten to the 10’ inflatable swimming pool with filtration system, ladder and skimming tools. Tools…? Did I mention tools? I’ve got the axes, hatchet, splitting maul with an assortment of wedges, two chain saws, with accompanying gas cans, leaf blower, hedge trimmer, two weed whackers, one gas one electric, a telescoping limb pruner, two lawn mowers, one riding one push, an assortment of shovels, picks, rakes, post hole digger, pitch fork, enough hose to give Texas an enema…a plethora of sprinkler heads and hose repair gadgets, a spray mister, (never used), fertilizer and seed spreader, two air compressors, a stacking tool box with screw drivers, wrenches, hammers, pneumatic air tools, paint sprayer…deeply inhalesssssssss and other mechanic tools. Four step ladders, one extension ladder, hand tools, power tools, drills, both cord and battery, sanders, grinders, 5 hand saws, a bone saw, a chop saw, a table saw, two wet tile saws, skill saw, saws-all, buffer, belt sander, 2 ea. orbital sanders, framing squares, 2 ea. snap lines, 5 different sized hand levels, a laser level, allen wrenches, star wrenches, and socket wrenches (both standard an metric).
So all this necessary “stuff” has to go someplace…right? That’s why gawd created garages on the eighth day. Is it any wonder or surprise that contemporary home designs see the kitchens shrink and garages expand from one car to three car garages…? Who builds the homes…? Duuuuuhhhhh…Priorities ya know…? As any man can tell you…there’s never enough garage space…