Another chapter from Joe Lacey

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Ned

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Feb 1, 2005
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I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried, I have to rely on Joe  :D

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Osuna, Tx Fuel Island Squirts

You need to know the circumstances that led up to this unfortunate incident.  It all started when we stopped at Dreamcatcher RV Park in Deming, Texas.  We were traveling from Sacramento, CA and my wife spotted an eating place (and there are only a few in Deming, NM).

It was a local place ?The Steakhouse? and we normally don?t like to eat at ?local restaurants? because either the food isn?t to our liking or it doesn?t agree with us.

In this case, it didn?t agree with me.  I compounded the problem by eating cereal (with Skim milk) the next morning.  Milk gives me gas.  And so we left early the next morning, hoping to reach San Antonio by nightfall.

A few hours down the road, my stomach began announcing that it was bubbling.  I spent the next couple of hours shifting from cheek to cheek as I relieved myself of gas?.. not an unusual situation for me when I drink milk.  As I was alone in the motorhome?.Cricket was driving the ?Cottage??I didn?t think anything of it. 

As we approach Osuna, TX, Cricket called on the Walkie-Talkie that she needed  fuel and we decided to stop and fill up.  We had been through Osuna in the past and knew where there was a service station that sold diesel.

Unfortunately, that service station has their pump island facing the store front.  That can make it a bit tricky to maneuver between the fuel island and the store front? as most of the time there are vehicles parked nose to the store front.  Fortunately the diesel island had pumps on the far outside, so that I was able to ?.almost?. pull to the pump without completely blocking those vehicles that had selected the inside fuel island to fuel up.  However, the back third of my motorhome did stick out enough to impede vehicles from easily entering or exiting the pumps.

Now some pumps have the outside pay option where you stick in your credit card.  Osuna didn?t.  It meant that I had to go into the store, surrender my debit card, pump my fuel and then go back into the store and sign for my fuel and receive my debit card.

One more detail?. The pump handle didn?t have that convenient locking device that allowed free hand operation.  I had to hold the handle the entire time fuel was being pumped.

I am sure that you have experienced that fuel situation, so? except for the slight convenience, it isn?t a big thing.  Normally it isn?t a big thing for me either.  But not today.

Cricket had already fueled up, grabbed some money from me and said she would be doing some ?looking? in the store.

My gas that had been passing while traveling continued to plague me as I walked into the store and gave my debit card to the cashier?. Fortunately it stopped while in the store and was ?quiet? for the walk back to the fuel pump.  So I started holding the handle and watched the numbers turn as the fuel went into the tank.

About 5 minutes into the fuel situation, my gas returned.  I didn?t give it much thought?. No one was around, although the other fuel islands were filled with cars.  As I was thinking of how long it would take to finish fueling so I could move the motorhome out of their way?.when I felt a large gas buildup. 

However, when I let go? total squirt?and more than a little exploded and started running down my leg.

Various thoughts flooded my mind? get out of the clothes? get to the toilet? where to find clothes?had to finish pumping?.had to walk to the store to get my debit card?and at the same time just plain mad at putting myself in this situation?.

The hell with pumping the fuel? just left the pump handle in the fuel hole and tried to duck-walk around the front of the motorhome to the door?.trying to keep from squirting any more and?.duck walking?tried to keep from feeling the stuff.  It was sticky from inside my pant leg and when my leg touched my pant leg.

We have 2 toy poodles and we have a slide that is in the travel position.  That means a very tight aisle with dogs jumping around and me trying not to step on them as I continued to try and control my sphincter muscle and make it to the bathroom.

Too late? can?t get my pants down quick enough!  Sprayed the wall, the toilet seat and still had enough to spray into the bowl.

Already stripped of my clothes, I jumped into the shower and used the shower wand to wash off my backside??no time to wait for hot water?.just gritted my teeth and cleaned up with cold water as quick as I could.

I now had to figure out where to get a change of clothes?and fast!  I dug through the dirty clothes bag (I will clean up the mess later).

Pulled on some dirty duds and finished pumping and then walked to the store and signed the chit and got my debit card back.

Pulled out of Osuna with a full load of fuel and empty bladder? and a hell of a mess to clean up in the bathroom.

-joe nomad2-
 

DougJ

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 7, 2005
Posts
549
Gosh Ned, I'd have replied sooner but I had to take time out--no, not gas--but to find tissues for the tears and time for the laughter to subside.

I just got to meet this man sometime.

BTW, the typing loos real good and I'm hoping this is a sign that Joe has had a wonderful recovery.  My regards to him.

Ciao,

Doug
 

Ned

Moderator Emeritus
Joined
Feb 1, 2005
Posts
25,107
Location
USA
Joe looked pretty good when we saw him at Quartzsite in January.  He seems to be making a good recovery as he's up to his old tricks :)
 

Shayne

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 22, 2006
Posts
4,324
Glad that didn't happen to me.  Leaving Aud at the Flying J was sticky enough situation.  Had tears in my eyes readikng this, while praying I never have to go thru that ---------------------- again
 

Chet18013

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 5, 2005
Posts
1,861
Location
Full time in RV. Home is where we are parked
That's our Joe!  This one tops them all. I had to wipe the tears out of my eyes, I laughed so hard.

When I saw the title, I immediately thought of the time I watched Joe try to use the tailgate of my dump truck as a can opener on the side of his trailer where he was at our place. and was expecting some major damage, not major embarrassment.

Chet18013
 

bfason

Member
Joined
May 18, 2006
Posts
12
That story is just too funny for words!
  Haven't told this to too many folks, but the wife found this Form-u-3 diet that supposed to lose like 50 lbs in three months.  Great diet as you just about eat yourself to death on it.  However my wife neglected to inform me of day three of this diet.  Flatulence isn't a stranger to me and I walked out of my RV with my morning cup of coffee to relieve myself of this problem.  However being over 50 I forgot you can't trust gas.  This was my third day on this diet and, as my loving wife told me in between bouts of hysterical laughter, you get severe diarrhea on the third day!!!!  Yep, ruined my clothes, shoes, and socks.  Thank you loving wife.
 

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