End of life

[IBTripping]

Because I have so many friends on this forum, I want to share something very personal. On Easter weekend my girlfriend of 10 years was taken to the hospital in an extremely weakened state. She was diagnosed with a virulent form of leukemia. Her doctor advised that the average length of life with this type of cancer is 9 months. She is now being treated by one of the best cancer centers, Massey Cancer Center, in Richmond Virginia. Excellent staff from the valets to the medical staff. We have had a wonderful and fulfilling decade together. I have accepted the role of fulltime caregiver helping her with a medications, appointments, and house cleaning, including taking her 3 to 5 times a week to the Massey Cancer Center. It's ironic that she was cured of a different type leukemia in 2013. Because she was cured of leukemia once, it has been difficult for her to accept that her current disease is terminal. Thankfully, her specialist has been kind, but bluntly honest with her about her prognosis. Bonnie worked through her refusal to accept the reality of her disease. Now, she has committed to end of life planning details. She is planning visits with friends, relatives and colleagues to enjoy time with them and say goodbye. We are continuing to laugh and joke with each other as we always have. Most patients stay at home to avoid risk of infection. She has been doing that. Now, we decided to go out to restaurants and events (but carefully). Bonnie is a very extroverted woman and meeting friends/relatives and going out feeds her mental health.

Also, I want you all to know that I am also taking care of myself. Bonnie is now well enough that I can leave each weekend to go up to my travel trailer in a nearby RV resort. Myself, I'm doing OK. I also feel very lucky to able to support Bonnie during this period.

 

[DonTom]

. She was diagnosed with a virulent form of leukemia. Her doctor advised that the average length of life with this type of cancer is 9 months.

What a bummer!

But all of the better relationships end with one of the two dying.

I know from experience the next several months will be a rough time for you and it's not really over with even then. For now, she has to be the most important thing in your life, as she will need you more and more as the time gets closer.

After, it helps a lot to stay as busy as possible.

But don't listen to doctors for the average. Tom & I were told 3 to five years for him when he was diagnosed with liver cancer along with portal vein thrombosis, which knocks him off the liver transport list with no options left. He died in four months after the doc said 3-5 years. However, a Hospice nurse was spot on, saying he had less than six months of life left. This was when he still had no obvious symptoms. And many others have told me that Hospice nurses are much better at predicting life expediency because they see it every day, unlike doctors. And it goes in both directions, much longer as well as shorter than most doctors claim.

Best of luck to you both.

-Don- Auburn, CA

 

[Oldgator73]

Our friend and neighbor is going through the same thing. She was diagnosed with metastatic melanoma. She’s only 40. She and her husband are working on her bucket list.
We have been very fortunate that both of us have lived pretty long lives and it seems we might have a few more years left. Your girlfriend is extremely lucky she has you to help her to deal with this. You’re a good person.

 

[Isaac-1]

Cancer can be a brutal disease, I lost my father to it, 13 months from diagnosis to death, with the last 2-3 months being by far the worst.

 

[SpencerPJ]

Prayers for Bonnie and you for comfort and guidance during this difficult time. Bonnie is blessed to have you, you are a good man.

 

[whiteva]

Prayers from Florida...

 

[msw3113]

Peace to you and your families.

 

[Professor David]

Thoughts and prayer for you and your family.

 

[Domo]

You have helped us all think about our loved ones. Thank you and strength too you and to Bonnie.

 

[Gary RV_Wizard]

Having gone through this with my wife of 56 years, I think you are doing the right things. Take advantage of the time left to you two and do as much as you can to keep up the activities you both enjoy. Make more good memories while you can.

 

[ferfer]

I remember the pride in your voice when you showed me Bonnie's picture. I found myself looking beyond a picture of a very attractive woman, to a very comfortable women with a radiant smile.

Glad you realize the need to take care of yourself as much as you can because likely to become less as time passes. My impression of you is a calm and supporting man willing to let Bonnie lead while she can.

Please keep us inform as often you feel comfortable. You got me invested in Bonnie and you.

Oh, don't forget the cookies.

 

[LarsMac]

It's been a year since Margo left me here. I find myself wishing that we had been blessed with something like a definition of the time we had left. We spent the last four years of just fighting a losing battle, always thinking, "We get through THIS, and we get our lives back," only for one more new hurdle for us to hop, until she just had no "Hop" left.
Make the best of whatever time you have, and enjoy each other.
God Bless.

 

[Kirk]

All couples have to deal with the fact that at some point, one will pass leaving the other to go on alone. I'm at an age where events with friends remind us of that all too frequently. You are doing the right thing and make the best of things that you can.

 

[8Muddypaws]

Similar situation here but she's going to be the survivor. They didn't give me a time table but only a statistical range. I am halfway through my second round of radiation treatments.

We are trying to keep things as normal as possible for as long as possible.

Leukemia is brutal. May you both find peace.

 

[Wasillaguy]

You are in our prayers.

 

[Chef Duane]

Same thing with my wife of 30 years, lost her in Jan of '23. You can provide care, support, and tell her you love her. Everyday.

 

[UTTransplant]

Oh Steve, I am so sorry to hear this. I know you two will be making memories until the end.

 

[Rene T]

We have a friend we met 13 years ago while camping/wintering in FL. He is nearing the end. He has cancer just about in his whole body. He lives about 2 hours away. he has hospice coming in nearly every day and his daughter is with him 24/7. I called his daughter two days ago and asked if Paul wanted any company and he said yes and is very excited to see us. The problem is, I don’t know what to say to him. I think he only has days left.
His wife Liz has Alzheimer’s and we’ll have to also deal with her situation. We’re going to visit this Sunday. That’s going to be a tough day.

 

[John From Detroit]

Not truly on topic but job yesterday was heading to the Cemetery where my wife's remains reside and ordering the grave marker. Since I've a reservation in the same place that is one less thing for my daughter to deal with when the time comes.

 

[Rene T]

and ordering the grave marker.

John are you talking about a head stone?
My wife and I are going to be cremated and our urns will be buried on my parents lot. My dad is a WW2 veteran and POW. Both of my parents have their names on a granite headstone and our names will also go on the same headstone. My dad has a veterans bronze marker 1’ X 2’ also there flush with the ground and I’ve already spoken the the cemetery caretaker and he’s going to put my veterans marker beside my dads