Oldgator73
Well-known member
Amanda-I bet you didn?t expect the response you are getting here. I have no advice for you other than to follow your gut. I think women have much better intuition than men. I hope it works out for you.
I met someone
- Thread starter RVMommaTo6
- Start date
The friendliest place on the web for anyone with an RV or an interest in RVing!
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
G
Guest
Guest
There we go amanda, thats the answer, just date another women lol 
Bill N
Well-known member
56 3/4 here but I am starting to feel that I am reading a Dear Ann Landers column here.............LOL
Bill
Bill
OP
OP
RVMommaTo6
Well-known member
Wow! So much to respond to! I'll see if I can do it all in one post lol
Idk if he's necessarily "the one" but he's the first person I've met that I thought, hmmm, I could see a future with him. I trust him for some reason, like I know that if we were to commit to each other, he would be loyal and forever. I've trusted other guys, but I know we weren't a match for other reasons and this guy, so far, seems to check all the right boxes.
Dave I get what you're saying, because love can hurt like nothing else. My husband get sent away for a year for work, he "got lonely" so instead of coming home on weekends like everyone else did, he found a 20 year old and moved in with her. (Less than half his age) That was 6 years ago. He has no contact with the kids, he just completely walked out. It took until probably a year and a half ago until I really got over that. But even being over it, after years of dating, I just assumed he broke me and I was unable to feel that again. But I should also add that he did me a favor. I don't believe in divorce. I thought that if you get married, you do what it takes to make it work. I should have left my marriage a thousand times over. It was abusive and neglectful and I would NEVER put up with that again. So him leaving allowed me to now really live life, which I appreciate every day.
I'm so sorry for loss some of you experienced, that's probably the hardest part of love.
Tom, thank you, they're such amazing people, they inspire me.
JD, I sooooo get it! I never thought I would get over it. I thought I would live with that hate and anger and sadness all day every day for the rest of my life. Those feelings never go away. I still get disappointed when I don't see his name in the obits but they'll be pushed further and further back and not be so dominant over time. 8 years sounds like a lot, for me it was 6. It sounds like a lot, but they take time. It'll come. As for guys vs girls- I know stereo types are opposite but I think that's because people talk about 20 year olds. The girls are ready to jump in and start a family while boys have to mature more. But I think it's different in our 40s. I've literally been proposed to 3 times in the past 5 years. That's insane. The relationships were nowhere near ready for that. Guys will say they never want to get remarried and then by date 2 or 3 they've changed their minds and think they're in love. I think guys just hate being alone and are used to being taken care of and crave that and when they find someone, anyone, they'll jump through any hoop to make it happen. I could be wrong, just my own theories based on my own limited observations, but get out there and date a little. Maybe try online dating to meet people because you can put right out there exactly what you're looking for and try to stick with dating women who are looking foe the same thing. Don't force anything. This guy is the first person I've met in over 6 years that I could even begin to imagine a future with. You'll heal, people told me that and I was sure they were wrong. But you will.
Idk if he's necessarily "the one" but he's the first person I've met that I thought, hmmm, I could see a future with him. I trust him for some reason, like I know that if we were to commit to each other, he would be loyal and forever. I've trusted other guys, but I know we weren't a match for other reasons and this guy, so far, seems to check all the right boxes.
Dave I get what you're saying, because love can hurt like nothing else. My husband get sent away for a year for work, he "got lonely" so instead of coming home on weekends like everyone else did, he found a 20 year old and moved in with her. (Less than half his age) That was 6 years ago. He has no contact with the kids, he just completely walked out. It took until probably a year and a half ago until I really got over that. But even being over it, after years of dating, I just assumed he broke me and I was unable to feel that again. But I should also add that he did me a favor. I don't believe in divorce. I thought that if you get married, you do what it takes to make it work. I should have left my marriage a thousand times over. It was abusive and neglectful and I would NEVER put up with that again. So him leaving allowed me to now really live life, which I appreciate every day.
I'm so sorry for loss some of you experienced, that's probably the hardest part of love.
Tom, thank you, they're such amazing people, they inspire me.
JD, I sooooo get it! I never thought I would get over it. I thought I would live with that hate and anger and sadness all day every day for the rest of my life. Those feelings never go away. I still get disappointed when I don't see his name in the obits
but they'll be pushed further and further back and not be so dominant over time. 8 years sounds like a lot, for me it was 6. It sounds like a lot, but they take time. It'll come. As for guys vs girls- I know stereo types are opposite but I think that's because people talk about 20 year olds. The girls are ready to jump in and start a family while boys have to mature more. But I think it's different in our 40s. I've literally been proposed to 3 times in the past 5 years. That's insane. The relationships were nowhere near ready for that. Guys will say they never want to get remarried and then by date 2 or 3 they've changed their minds and think they're in love. I think guys just hate being alone and are used to being taken care of and crave that and when they find someone, anyone, they'll jump through any hoop to make it happen. I could be wrong, just my own theories based on my own limited observations, but get out there and date a little. Maybe try online dating to meet people because you can put right out there exactly what you're looking for and try to stick with dating women who are looking foe the same thing. Don't force anything. This guy is the first person I've met in over 6 years that I could even begin to imagine a future with. You'll heal, people told me that and I was sure they were wrong. But you will.
Gizmo100
Well-known member
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2018
- Posts
- 3,065
RVMommaTo6 said:I still get disappointed when I don't see his name in the obits
Maybe if you were a good girl this year......Santa might be able to surprise you ;D
G
Guest
Guest
Amanda, first sorry for your pain, nothing quite like emotional and physical betrayal to put someone out of the game for a long time. For me its been 14 years now and i still get horrible flashbacks of "being the fool". You are right he did you a favor and im glad that you are able to put that in a place in order to move on, we never get over it we just have to eventually file it away somewhere where it no longer causes us to be disfuctional, i am glad you are at that point, i am not and dont think i ever will be.
I am not comparing anyones pain here but i do feel that if someone wants to end the relationship and finds someone else and they tell us about it then that i can deal with, sometimes it just does not work out and that is just life. I have always said that if i am not their cup of tea that i wont hold them back and no hard feelings as long as they respect me enough to tell me. But in my case it was 3 years thinking that she "was the one" and her convincing me that i "was the one" and me being the trusting innocent sole that i was, believed every bit of it even though all the while certain things made no sense at all, i guess my need to believe was more powerful than my application of common sense.
And even games like that i may be able to handle as i know people are just mean sometimes. But what i could not handle is the fact that when it all blew up in her face after 3 years of lying, cheating, and game playing, rather than say im sorry the way i treated you or sorry the way i am i didnt mean to hurt you. She laughed at me, she thought it was freaken halarious that she got away with it all that time and her final words to me were "your nothing but a love sick fool". That hurt worse of all that after all the plans we made and all the talks we had that the real her was so indifferent to my feelings as a human being. That is when something snapped inside me and i felt it break literally, and i guess that is when my innocent belief was gone forever and my cynical self was born.
About 3 months ago i was watching some physical fitness videos trying to discover something that i could do, and we all know how that goes, you start watching one video on a subject and you eventually end up in a totally dif direction watching another topic. But anyway it was a jogging video of a marathon taken by a by stander and im just sitting here watching and thinking i remember when i could do that and just reminiscing and all of a sudden while the video taker is panning the crowd guess who comes into frame warming up for the race, her. First i was like WTH, then my heart sank, then i got really pissed off, and then i cried. Of all the videos in the youtube world to click on.... crazy.
So i know im nowhere near ready for anything, probably not even friends at this point because im just too screwed up. I tried but every time i tried it failed miserably, not always my fault but enough of them were. In one of these relationships, she was so beautiful inside and out and if i made a list of 20 things i loved she would have been 18 of them for sure. However it also failed and all my fault. I had a flashback one night (right in the middle of it) i could not bring the bat to the party, if you get my drift. Now all my life i have gotten irratated at movies where someone has something to say to someone else and they dont just come out and say it, something always stands in the way and i am always inside saying "omg just tell them". And yet for some reason that i still dont know, i just rolled off her, turned my back to her and layed there never saying a word, and i dont know why i never said anything to explain it was not her, i just totally shut down. That pretty much ended that relationship, the next day she told me i had changed and that she didnt feel comfortable anymore and she ask me if i just wanted to be roommates. If i had anything sharp in my hands at that moment i would have jabbed it into my heart, i packed my stuff and as i was walking out the door i told her to F off and Die. That is something i am not proud of and i am totally ashamed of how i acted, that is when i knew for sure i would never be able to have another relationship again. The reason i reacted that way is that i felt as if i once again everything was great if i was smiling but if i had any issue at all they would once again toss me to the curb, i felt betrayed by emotions once again. Everything is awesome as long as i am perfect but let me show one frailty or fault and they would rather do without than ask me whats wrong. And they will always have an exit plan for the slightest issue and cant be trusted. So no matter what happens it seems there is always going to be a trigger just waiting to happen with me.
Its also when i reallized just how powerful and how deep the love emotion goes in me and how much it ripped me apart in the past. I wont ever be a "love sick fool" again, it hurts too much for too long. I wish it was a crime for anyone to do this to another person.
Anyway sorry for the long message i get carried away and i applogize.
Amanda you are young enough and wize enough to make the right choice, and remember you have 6 minds there with you that will let you know if you dont
I am not comparing anyones pain here but i do feel that if someone wants to end the relationship and finds someone else and they tell us about it then that i can deal with, sometimes it just does not work out and that is just life. I have always said that if i am not their cup of tea that i wont hold them back and no hard feelings as long as they respect me enough to tell me. But in my case it was 3 years thinking that she "was the one" and her convincing me that i "was the one" and me being the trusting innocent sole that i was, believed every bit of it even though all the while certain things made no sense at all, i guess my need to believe was more powerful than my application of common sense.
And even games like that i may be able to handle as i know people are just mean sometimes. But what i could not handle is the fact that when it all blew up in her face after 3 years of lying, cheating, and game playing, rather than say im sorry the way i treated you or sorry the way i am i didnt mean to hurt you. She laughed at me, she thought it was freaken halarious that she got away with it all that time and her final words to me were "your nothing but a love sick fool". That hurt worse of all that after all the plans we made and all the talks we had that the real her was so indifferent to my feelings as a human being. That is when something snapped inside me and i felt it break literally, and i guess that is when my innocent belief was gone forever and my cynical self was born.
About 3 months ago i was watching some physical fitness videos trying to discover something that i could do, and we all know how that goes, you start watching one video on a subject and you eventually end up in a totally dif direction watching another topic. But anyway it was a jogging video of a marathon taken by a by stander and im just sitting here watching and thinking i remember when i could do that and just reminiscing and all of a sudden while the video taker is panning the crowd guess who comes into frame warming up for the race, her. First i was like WTH, then my heart sank, then i got really pissed off, and then i cried. Of all the videos in the youtube world to click on.... crazy.
So i know im nowhere near ready for anything, probably not even friends at this point because im just too screwed up. I tried but every time i tried it failed miserably, not always my fault but enough of them were. In one of these relationships, she was so beautiful inside and out and if i made a list of 20 things i loved she would have been 18 of them for sure. However it also failed and all my fault. I had a flashback one night (right in the middle of it) i could not bring the bat to the party, if you get my drift. Now all my life i have gotten irratated at movies where someone has something to say to someone else and they dont just come out and say it, something always stands in the way and i am always inside saying "omg just tell them". And yet for some reason that i still dont know, i just rolled off her, turned my back to her and layed there never saying a word, and i dont know why i never said anything to explain it was not her, i just totally shut down. That pretty much ended that relationship, the next day she told me i had changed and that she didnt feel comfortable anymore and she ask me if i just wanted to be roommates. If i had anything sharp in my hands at that moment i would have jabbed it into my heart, i packed my stuff and as i was walking out the door i told her to F off and Die. That is something i am not proud of and i am totally ashamed of how i acted, that is when i knew for sure i would never be able to have another relationship again. The reason i reacted that way is that i felt as if i once again everything was great if i was smiling but if i had any issue at all they would once again toss me to the curb, i felt betrayed by emotions once again. Everything is awesome as long as i am perfect but let me show one frailty or fault and they would rather do without than ask me whats wrong. And they will always have an exit plan for the slightest issue and cant be trusted. So no matter what happens it seems there is always going to be a trigger just waiting to happen with me.
Its also when i reallized just how powerful and how deep the love emotion goes in me and how much it ripped me apart in the past. I wont ever be a "love sick fool" again, it hurts too much for too long. I wish it was a crime for anyone to do this to another person.
Anyway sorry for the long message i get carried away and i applogize.
Amanda you are young enough and wize enough to make the right choice, and remember you have 6 minds there with you that will let you know if you dont
OP
OP
RVMommaTo6
Well-known member
Gizmo, I'm willing to be good for the next 50 years if that's what it'll take lol, it would be well worth it.
Dave, the past is important, it teaches us valuable lessons. But you can't live there. You need to live IN the present and for the future. I firmly believe life is what you make of it. And the saying, fake it til you make it, is kind of relevant. I went through depression so bad that if I was shopping and a cashier said, hi how are you?, I would burst out crying. But I had to keep living. My kids got me through because I had no choice but to get up every day. I had to get up and go skiing and coach soccer and camp and cook dinner and lead Girl Scouts and teach my children and be Mommy and Daddy and Santa and the tooth fairy and pretend I wanted to be alive until it finally caught up to me and I really did want to. I had to remind myself on a daily, Hell, sometimes hourly, basis that I have so much to live for and be thankful for. My friend lost her 5 year old daughter to cancer while I was going through that. As devastating as that was, it really gave me perspective. Have your feelings. Be angry. Be sad. Feel betrayed. Feel hateful. Own it. Then move on. Feeling sorry for ourselves won't make anything better. Self pity never moves you forward.
Dave, the past is important, it teaches us valuable lessons. But you can't live there. You need to live IN the present and for the future. I firmly believe life is what you make of it. And the saying, fake it til you make it, is kind of relevant. I went through depression so bad that if I was shopping and a cashier said, hi how are you?, I would burst out crying. But I had to keep living. My kids got me through because I had no choice but to get up every day. I had to get up and go skiing and coach soccer and camp and cook dinner and lead Girl Scouts and teach my children and be Mommy and Daddy and Santa and the tooth fairy and pretend I wanted to be alive until it finally caught up to me and I really did want to. I had to remind myself on a daily, Hell, sometimes hourly, basis that I have so much to live for and be thankful for. My friend lost her 5 year old daughter to cancer while I was going through that. As devastating as that was, it really gave me perspective. Have your feelings. Be angry. Be sad. Feel betrayed. Feel hateful. Own it. Then move on. Feeling sorry for ourselves won't make anything better. Self pity never moves you forward.
G
Guest
Guest
Sounds logical to me amanda. In may i am going home for a year to help my sons out then ill come back to Texas after that. Maybe with my focus on them for a year will help me move to that next step in the healing process. Thanks
OP
OP
RVMommaTo6
Well-known member
That sounds like a good move for you. I've also said thia before to you, but I think it's appropriate to repeat, helping people less fortunate than ourselves helps us to appreciate what we have and feel good about ourselves to give without expecting anything in return. I do a lot of volunteer work and I'm sure that helps me keep perspective.
Gizmo100
Well-known member
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2018
- Posts
- 3,065
RVMommaTo6 said:
Santa doesn't take promises......No Happy obit's for you.
Maybe next year if you can stay out of trouble.
OP
OP
RVMommaTo6
Well-known member
Lol thanks Jackie, but Tom is the only one swooning lol, and probably because he's far enough away not to need those hearing aids they were talking about loljackiemac said:
Utclmjmpr
Well-known member
OOOHHH but he is all better now,,(after the lobotomy).>>>
1PlasticMan1
Well-known member
Excuse me, but this is not "Dear Abby" This is RV Forum. Don't want to be nasty, but..... Good luck on your future relationship (s), Amanda.
Am sure when the right person comes along, he will have the coolest RV!
Am sure when the right person comes along, he will have the coolest RV!
Arch Hoagland
Well-known member
Without change there is no change. Good to hear some change is coming your way.
G
Guest
Guest
1PlasticMan1 said:
No its not its dear amanda, and i have no issue with it. Regardless of the topic as i understand it we are here to discuss our lives under the "shade tree" which is an open discussion area. There is nothing offensive here and i see no issue at all with discussing such topics.
RVMommaTo6 said:
That is where i am now amanda i am ok when a cashier asks me "did you find everything ok" but when they ask me "how are you today" my first silent thought is "do you really expect me to believe you really give a rats butt how i am" but i just say thanks i hope you are well.
I do firmly believe that those with close friends and family or those that are forced as you were to get up and get going do much better at this. They seem to go through the process much faster and the rest of us are still sliding all over the place on a slippery road with only rear wheel drive.
When i see news like the recent stuff online when the young are losing their lives so senslessly i always ask Jesus, why dont you leave them alone and take me, i am not doing anything with my life so just take me and save them. Jesus has in one way or the other either saved my life or helped me along the way in his own way i know because there is no other explaination for some of the things that have happened in my life in a positive way. But what for, i dont get the plan, im not doing anything but taking up space.
Yes i have thought well maybe i might like to meet you someday, not for anything romantic (you know what i mean) but just to meet you. But i wont let that happen because i agree you are a gem and i am a big fat poop head and i wont meet anyone new untill i can offer them my best. There is an old saying that goes something like "if someone loves you at your worst then the rest is easy" i dont know if i believe that or not, its still up for debate.
All i can do is try to take it one section at a time. For now i am just focusing on several things, getting ready for the move in may or june which is a huge deal for me to accomplish emotionally and physically, helping my boys get started in life with a car and a apartment, and my CCW renewal done. NM is a crazy state, its a 4 year CCW permit but after two years you have to take a 2 hour refresher course which costs about 150 bucks, and for what just so someone can make money for nothing.
Then in 2020 ill come back to Texas, not sure if it will be back in this area or someplace else. This area is nice and quiet with almost 0 crime but its also very very isolated and if you dont fish its boring as hell. I love Texas because i love Texas (basically southern) girls. I love the way they handle themselves, they dont mind getting dirty, they are not fussy about not having makup on, love the firm jaw line and the freckles, pale skin with natural beauty, and most of them love to fish and hunt. However i do sometimes wonder what is going to happen when i tell someone i am not interested in sex. Im sure part of it is my medication and part of it is probably my low testosterone levels which make me feel like and "A" Sexual person, or it could be that im just not willing to be that vulnerable. I can be attracted to someone but its not a sexual need or desire. I cant count how many times i have seen someone and thought "OMG i wish i was not so screwed up" lol... Anyway ill deal with that when and if the time comes. But i do know that i wont be making the first move, they will have to tell me cause i been burned too many times.
Anyway Amanda, this was not supposed to be about me, its your thunder and you deserve it, sorry i was so blah blah blah, i dont know what gets into me sometimes.
I hope and pray that this gentlemen you met is everything you need, want, and desire and if not then i hope that special person comes into your life because i believe its time you had some wonderful things go your way, you have certainly earned the right to have all the thunder you want.
peace
Roy M
Well-known member
;D ;D ;D ;D That made my dayUtclmjmpr said:
SeilerBird
Well-known member
Yes it is Dear Abby. This is the Shade Tree which is officially described as "Freewheeling non-RV discussion over coffee, under the shade tree, or around the campfire."1PlasticMan1 said:
phil-t
Well-known member
RVMommaTo6 said:
The single best thing I've done in my life, to put life and my place in it in perspective, is to be a volunteer DAV (Disabled American Veterans) driver. Several times a week (when not traveling) I get to visit with and see numerous, very generous, men and women; who are in various ill states of health, both body and mind. Makes me feel very fortunate for what I have in this life.
So, yes, helping others can be very beneficial to ones health, especially mentally.
Bill N
Well-known member
durangod said:
I agree 100%. The Shade Tree is a great place on this forum to discuss non-RV topics that are of interest to other members. I may tease Amanda but it is only that - teasing - because I wish her the best for the future. She appears to have quite a fan club here too..lol.
Bill
