Post a joke

The friendliest place on the web for anyone with an RV or an interest in RVing!
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.

1joester2

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 4, 2008
Posts
938
Location
Upstate, NY
An archaeologist was digging in the desert outside Jerusalem, when he found a crude sarcophagus. On opening it, he discovered a mummy completely intact. On further investigation, he determined that he must have this mummy inspected by professionals, so he called a museum in Jerusalem and told the curator that he had just discovered a mummy that was about 3500 years old who surely died of a heart attack.
The curator was skeptical, but the remains were transferred to the museum and thoroughly inspected.
The archaeologist received a phone call from the curator and the curator wanted to thank him for the incredible mummy and really wanted to know how he accurately dated the remains and determined the cause of death so accurately without x-rays or any of the highly technical tools the museum has.
The archaeologist simply replied:
"Well, I noticed he had a piece of parchment in his hand. Being able to read the older languages, I saw that it said '10,000 shekels on Goliath'"
 

Seajay

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 7, 2011
Posts
448
A farmer was working in his barn when Chicken Little came running in screaming ......
''RUN FOR YOUR LIFE ,,,,,,,  RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.....    THE SKY IS FALLING, THE SKY IS FALLING''
The farmer stopped shoveling horse poop and screamed....
''HOLLY CRAP,,,,,,,,,,,,,  A TALKIN' CHICKEN.........IM RICH''.........





Thank a vet for your freedoms........cj..
 

Just Lou

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 25, 2005
Posts
8,105
I like chicken jokes. My favorite;

I was driving past a farm on a country road when a three legged chicken passed me doing about 50mph.  I sped up to about 55, then 60, but he ran off and left me.  I stopped at the farmers house to inquire about the strange three legged chicken.  He said he was raising them because he thought a chicken with an extra 'drumstick' would be a good seller.  When I asked how they tasted, he said he didn't know, he had never been able to catch one.
 

Luca1369

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2008
Posts
1,410
When I lived in a sticks and bricks home my next door neighbor saw me working in my back yard one day and came over to the fence to chat.  He saw me tamping down a large pile of dirt with the back of a shovel and asked me what I was doing.  I replied that I was burying my goldfish.  He said that it looked like an awfully big pile of dirt for a goldfish.  I replied: "Perhaps, but he was inside your cat."
 

Ned

Moderator Emeritus
Joined
Feb 1, 2005
Posts
25,107
Location
USA
      On the last day of school before Christmas break, the children
brought gifts for their teacher.  The supermarket manager's daughter
brought the teacher a basket of assorted fruit.

    The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.

    The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of
candy.

    Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box.
The teacher lifted up the box and noticed it was leaking a bit
And left a wet spot on her desk.  She touched a drop of the liquid
with her finger and tasted it.

    "Is it wine?" she guessed.
         
  "No," the boy replied. She tasted another drop and
asked, " Champagne ?"
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
  "No," said the little boy............."It's a puppy!"
 

Just Lou

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 25, 2005
Posts
8,105
Same school, same class, same group of kids on the first day of school.

Teacher asked each to stand, introduce themselves and to tell the class what their fathers did for a living.

First little girl;
Hi, my name is Mary and my dad is a farmer, F-A-R-M-E-R, and if he were here he would give everyone a bag of fruit.

Second little girl;
Hi, my name is Jane and my dad is a baker, B-A-K-E R, and if he were here he would give everyone a cake

First little boy;
Hi my name is Lou and my dad is a lectrician, L-E-C, L E K, E L E K, ....

The teacher said: that's okay Lou, you can sit down until you can spell it.

Second little boy;
Hi, my name is Johnny and my dad is a bookie, B-O-O-K-I-E, and if he were here he would lay you 8-to-5 that little dummy ain't never gonna spell electrician.
 

Joezeppy

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 16, 2009
Posts
2,504
Location
Upstate NY - Kuyahoora Valley
On her way back form the market one night, an Amish woman is stopped by the police. The officer walks up to the buggy and says to the woman "Your rear reflector is broken. You need to get that fixed - it's dangerous to be out at night like that - you might get hit by a car". "Sorry", says the woman, "I'll have my husband fix that as soon as I get home". To that, the officer added "and I notice the reigns are wrapped around your horse's testicles. Some people might see this as animal cruelty - be sure to have your husband take care of that, too."

When she gets home, true to her word, she tells her husband about the reflector. While he is fixing it, she says to him "Oh, I almost forgot, the cop said there is something wrong with the emergency brake, too!"
 

Bob Buchanan

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 3, 2005
Posts
3,038
Location
Philadelphia, PA
Joezeppy said:
"Oh, I almost forgot, the cop said there is something wrong with the emergency brake, too!"

Truck driver picks up a lady hitch hiking. They get along very well - so well that they decide to stop and do more than just hold hands. It is a very hot day so decide to make love under the truck.

As things get very heated, they hear a voice -- "What are you doing"??

The quick thinking truck driver responds -- "Fixing the transmission".

The voice then says,

You may want to also check your brakes -- your truck is about a half mile down the road!! :) :)
 

Just Lou

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 25, 2005
Posts
8,105
Speaking of Chickens......

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?


BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The
chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the
need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the
other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross
the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right
from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it
deserves to cross the road.  But then, this really isn't about me.......

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must
first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes
after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is
help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT'
problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he
wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn
from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to
give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and
not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is
either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image
of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet
been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it!
It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's
intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his
eyes and the way he walks.


PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the
chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?'
That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken
is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we
boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal
media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.
That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as
simple as that.

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told
us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its
life long dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2012, which will not only cross roads, but
will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check
book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new
platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ........
reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the
chicken?


BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of
chicken?

AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?

AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
 

carson

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 1, 2006
Posts
4,919
Location
Florida, USA
Priceless, Lou..  5*****  and if you composed that beauty 10********** or more.  ;D ;D ;D

CIAO, Carson FL


 

snix

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 16, 2011
Posts
45
Aggies and chickens...can't get much better

Aggie goes into a feed & seed store and asks for a flat of baby chicks...the kind with 144+/- of the little peepers in it; pays for it, loads it in his truck and drives off.  Bout a week later, the Aggie goes back into the store and asks the clerk for another flat of chicks.  Clerk makes some small talk and learns that the Aggie has just graduated and is starting a Chicken Farm down the road.  The clerk hands the Aggie the second  flat of baby chicks, collects the money and the Aggie drives off.  Ten days later the Aggie is back for another flat of baby chicks.  ?Man?, the clerk says; ?You are gonna have some kind of Chicken Farm out there?.  ?Well?, says the Aggie, ?Don?t know if I will or not.  Can?t tell if I?m planting them too deep or too far apart!? ;)
 

Just Lou

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 25, 2005
Posts
8,105
carson said:
Also, Douglas MacArthur:" Don't worry,  "I shall return"....I think.

Carson, North Carolina text books had MacArthur's quote as; ....."I'll be rat back"...
 

Latest posts

Forum statistics

Threads
123,312
Posts
1,250,471
Members
128,888
Latest member
grammargirl
Top Bottom