Post a joke

[Boat Bum]

When observed going over the wall a guard was heard to say, that's con descending

 

[Larry N.]

Which Con? Stance, Nie, Dor, Man, Tact, Way, Vince, Vict?

 

[SpencerPJ]

 

[whiteva]

Warranty claim if ever I saw one!

 

[PaulBates]

 

[PaulBates]

 

[PaulBates]

He's watching the latest trailer

 

[DutchmenSport]

Well, I did not read all 141 pages of jokes, but here's one my grandfather told me. He actually wrote it down on paper and I still have that paper today. He died in 1968.

When God created man he gave him 80 years of normal sex life.

After a while the man spoke to God and said, you know Lord, I really appreciate 80 years of normal sex life, but I really don't need 80 years. Why don't you give 20 years to the monkey. At which time the Lord said, OK.

Again, the man approached God after some time and said, Lord I appreciate the 60 years of normal sex life, but I really don't need 60 years. Why don't you just give 20 years to the lion. At which point, that's exactly what God did.

Well, time passed again and the man approached God one more time and said, Lord I really appreciate 40 years of normal sex life, but I still don't need all that time. Why don't you give 20 years to the donkey! At which point, the Lord said, OK! And it was done.

So that explains why men now have 20 years of a normal sex life, the next 20 years monkeying around, 20 years after that of lying about it and the last 20 making an A$$ out of himself!

 

[Oldgator73]

When God created man he gave him 80 years of normal sex life.

80 years! Are you shi…kidding me! Sex doesn’t normally start until what, unless your really ugly maybe 12-13 years old. That means it goes on until age 92 or 93. That’s not normal sex. This is the reason I’m an Atheist.

 

[Krazeehorse33]

 

[Krazeehorse33]

 

[Ex-Calif]

Marriage sex. The first 20 years are kitchen sex. You do it all over the house including the kitchen counters and table...

The next 20 years are bedroom sex. Conventional missionary, maybe once a week.

The last phase is hallway sex. You pass each other in the hallway and mutter, "Eff you." - "Eff you too,..."

 

[Old_Crow]

View attachment 160099

Please tell me Asha Mevlana isn't trans...please.

 

[PaulBates]

 

[SeilerBird]

When farting in a crowded elevator, TIMING is all important when exiting!
Glorious sounds of coiffing when the doors close behind you.
5 stars if you hear "A$$hole"

One of my favorite jokes is when I would take a tour of a cavern. Every tour stops deep in the cave and the ranger usually chats with the group for a few minutes. They will always turn off all the lights for a few minutes to show us what total darkness really looks like. At that point I like to open my mouth real wide and blow real hard on the back of my hand to create a very realistic farting noise. The children who are in the audience laugh their heads off.

 

[whiteva]

AND I have plans to take Great Grand Kids to the caves this spring! Idea stolen... Thanks Selerbird

 

[SeilerBird]

AND I have plans to take Great Grand Kids to the caves this spring! Idea stolen... Thanks Selerbird

Make sure they are not seated close to you. Which one are you going to? I have been to most of the larger caves in the US. My favorite is Mammoth Caves NP. You can hike down to the cave and take an elevator back up. Carlsbad Caverns NP has the best bat show. Millions of bats pouring out of the cave at sunset. Crystal Cave in Sequoia NP is hard to get to but worth the effort. Boyden Cavern in Kings Canyon is great since virtually no one knows about it and very few ever take the tour. Wind Cave NP was a massive disappointment. Not much there.

 

[CityGuy]

Two snowmen sitting on a couch, looking at a large jug of water on the mantle. One says to the other "That's Frosty. He wanted to be cremated."

 

[CityGuy]

If only it were contagious...

View attachment 159922

That's the trouble with aging. It's your neck that goes stiff.

 

[Reinigm]

Make sure they are not seated close to you. Which one are you going to? I have been to most of the larger caves in the US. My favorite is Mammoth Caves NP. You can hike down to the cave and take an elevator back up. Carlsbad Caverns NP has the best bat show. Millions of bats pouring out of the cave at sunset. Crystal Cave in Sequoia NP is hard to get to but worth the effort. Boyden Cavern in Kings Canyon is great since virtually no one knows about it and very few ever take the tour. Wind Cave NP was a massive disappointment. Not much there.

Have you ever been to the Grand Canyon Caverns? I'm intrigued with spending the night in the bedroom at the bottom of the cavern.