krazeehorse
Advanced Member
- Joined
- Oct 29, 2012
- Posts
- 57
Post a joke
- Thread starter 1joester2
- Start date
RayIN
Senior Member
I've still got a square bottle of Mercurochrome, although the rubber stopper is hard as a brick today. It was banned many years ago, so I use it sparingly and try not to damage myself.
I've also got a bottle of iodine, another banned antiseptic.
But where did he go when he got the divorce papers
Chef Duane
Senior Member
Veni, Vidi, Visa.
I came, I saw, I shopped.
I came, I saw, I shopped.
whiteva
Senior Member
Kirk
Senior Member
RV LIFE Pro
A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.
Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said, “Your stance is too wide.”
Oldgator73
Senior Member
THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW IF YOU MOVE TO THE SOUTH.
1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.
4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
5. Onced and Twiced are words.
6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
7. Jawl-P? means: Did you all go to the bathroom?
8. People actually grow, eat, and like okra.
9. Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do something.
10. There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.
11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.
12. Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.
13. The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'
14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
16. Y'all is singular. All Y'all is plural.
17. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
18. You carry jumper cables in your car for your OWN car.
19. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Cajun seasoning, Tabasco, and ketchup.
20. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, motorsports, and gossip.
21. Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss (first name), or Mr (first name)
22. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
23. You know what a hissy fit is..
24. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
25. We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!
26. You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the South.
AND one more:
27. Why did the chicken cross the road? To show that stupid possum that it CAN be done!
1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.
4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
5. Onced and Twiced are words.
6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
7. Jawl-P? means: Did you all go to the bathroom?
8. People actually grow, eat, and like okra.
9. Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do something.
10. There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.
11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.
12. Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.
13. The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'
14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
16. Y'all is singular. All Y'all is plural.
17. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
18. You carry jumper cables in your car for your OWN car.
19. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Cajun seasoning, Tabasco, and ketchup.
20. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, motorsports, and gossip.
21. Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss (first name), or Mr (first name)
22. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
23. You know what a hissy fit is..
24. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
25. We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!
26. You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the South.
AND one more:
27. Why did the chicken cross the road? To show that stupid possum that it CAN be done!
Oldgator73
Senior Member
Oldgator73
Senior Member
Oldgator73
Senior Member
NY_Dutch
Senior Member
So they had you fooled too???
Oldgator73
Senior Member
Punomatic
Senior Member
The way I heard it was that two old women went to the ballpark with a bottle of whiskey. After they polished off the booze, someone asked the status of the game. Came the reply, “It’s the bottom of the fifth and the bags are loaded."
Ohiosnowbird
Senior Member
jymbee
Senior Member
Oldgator73
Senior Member
RayIN
Senior Member
Remember the Three Bears bedtime story?
Papa bear, Momma bear, and baby bear were walking in the woods when they came upon a cabin.
Papa bear said, my instincts tell me not to go inside.
Mama bear went inside anyway, where she said my instincts tell me the people must be coming back soon the porridge on the table is still hot.
Baby bear said my instincts too, but it doesn't tell me anything.
Papa bear, Momma bear, and baby bear were walking in the woods when they came upon a cabin.
Papa bear said, my instincts tell me not to go inside.
Mama bear went inside anyway, where she said my instincts tell me the people must be coming back soon the porridge on the table is still hot.
Baby bear said my instincts too, but it doesn't tell me anything.
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