Texas I Am Confused

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Guest

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Hi,

When i was growing up in southern NM, we often traveled to Muleshoe and Lubbock Texas, so my impression of Texas was no better than it was of southern NM which was ugly, dry, brown, and boring.    Now i knew that there were places like Ruidoso NM that were nice because i lived there for many years.  But until i traveled to East Texas i was not aware how green and nice it was till last year when i got here. Well now its all brown and dead due to no rain and the tripple digit heat but usually its very pretty and green.

There are several reasons why i decided to block the RV tires and live here full time.  The people were very welcoming, the beauty of it, the quiet solitude of the area, the stand your ground way of life, and the affordability.  July was my 1 year anniversity of living in Texas and im still green behind the ears as a Texan so i dont pretend to know it all but something changed and im alittle confused.

As it turns out the people that were so welcoming were just doing their job and friendly just because they were paid to do so.  Many of them would not give me or anyone the time of day if out in public.  I expected to make some friends by now but other than two couples (which i am the third wheel) here at the RV park i still have not made any friends.  Everyone who i thought was a potential friend turns out only thought of me as a customer and nothing more.

The reality of it (so far) is that Texas has all the same issues that every other state has, people that hate their jobs and show it, rude people, crime, fake friendlyness, idiots, clicks, and every other trait good or bad that exists everywhere. This was suppose to be my time to shine, the second half of my life for which was going to be so much better than the first half.  However what i am finding is that all the special wonderful things i thought about Texas and all the things i expected in this new life for me are either out of reach or not as special as all the hype around it. 

For those who have lived here longer than i have, does it just take more time to understand and appreciate Texas?

 

Rene T

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If your looking for friends, how about volunteering your time at a local food bank, a homeless shelter or maybe even a hospital. You may find people there looking for the same thing you're looking for. Companionship and someone to talk to.  Good luck. 
 

darsben

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Having followed your previous posts; My take is that you have to work to make friends and your medical issues have you standing in the shadows instead of walking up to people and talking.
What do you bring to the mix that would make someone want to be your friend?
What value will you add to the persons life.
You will not  make friends without putting in the work.
 

Gary RV_Wizard

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Hardly a unique Texas thing either, though I'll grant that there are some [maybe few?] places where folks just seem more open & friendly.  It can be difficult to make new friends anywhere, though.  And I do mean "friends", not just pleasant acquaintances.  I think Rene has the right approach - get out and meet people and be friendly and helpful to them.  A small percentage of those will develop into deeper friendships. The key, though, is that you rarely get more out of a friendship than you put into it.
 
G

Guest

Guest
Funny how someone mentioned introspection - some of us exist in a world of constant introspection, so much that we may twist things out of shape.  People like us make the best friends if what others are looking for is loyalty, kindness and giving.    But then again people that want that usually get dogs or some other pet lol  :) 

It may be true that you rarely get the investment return on a friendship but i think that has alot to do with what someone expects to get out of it.  For me i dont want people knocking on my door day and night, or having yard parties all the time.  To me that would be too intrusive.  What would be nice is to just be able to call someone (when i have money) and invite them to go do something.  I have never been good at hosting visitors i would rather visit them or go someplace else to hang out. 

It is true my medical condition and other challenges makes it difficult so to answer the introspection questions:  not much at this time.  I offer very little and the biggest challenge is that im always broke for one reason or another, although $1300 a month is not much to work with.  But that should change once i get the Dr. bills paid and my CC paid down as i am focusing on those things at the moment.    So i do have a positive outlook in that regard.

The main reason i started this topic is that this whole thing feels different now.  When i was younger i just fell into friendships easily, there were some i did not want but they were there for the taking.  Now it feels as one of you said that i have to work at them and that just seems strange to me to have to work at something that came second hand not so long ago.  Maybe i expected things in Texas to jump out of me and im just surprised they dont.

Maybe part of it is that when we are younger everyone is bouncing around meeting others and totally into the life of the unknown, making it up as they go.  So there is a bit of intrigue there which is attractive to some, especially when everyone has BIG plans in life and its an exciting time.  But when you become who you are and know that things will be this way forever, it just seems from that point on it takes work to find and keep friendships.    Just food for thought. 

Maybe thats why we RV to keep that excitement and intrigue that we had when we were younger, living on the edge sort of...

I wish i could still play golf, i love the game and they have two really nice golf courses here at the lake. I always made friends outside the course while on the course.

Anyway sorry to bore all of you with my stupid topics.

Enjoy your day all, lets hope this drasted heat wave is almost over and we can get back outside and enjoy the sunshine when its not so deadly :)

 

Isaac-1

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Don't give up on east Texas, you may just be in the wrong town or have met the wrong people.    I know you are living by one of the east Texas Lakes, but don't recall which one, I live in Louisiana near the Texas state line, probably 100 miles away from where you are, give or take 50 mile, depending on which lake it is.  In my experience the culture, friendliness, etc. of east Texas towns vary considerably from town to town even if they are only separated by a few miles.  Many towns in east Texas were first settled 100-150 years ago by a diverse array of immigrants, these people brought their culture with them from their home lands, overtime some of them have assimilated into the Texas friendly culture more than others...      Think of it as the great American melting pot, just with little stirring, driving through east Texas you may find one town founded by Polish immigrants, 15 miles down the road, you may find one settled by former slaves, and another 15 miles you may find one founded by Dutch immigrants.      In the case of the European settlers they were often brought in as a group  by a wealthy individual from the home country that was given a land grant to settle an area.      To my knowledge this is somewhat rare in places other than east Texas, at least in relatively modern times.
 

FenderP

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Rene T said:
If your looking for friends, how about volunteering your time at a local food bank, a homeless shelter or maybe even a hospital. You may find people there looking for the same thing you're looking for. Companionship and someone to talk to.  Good luck.

:)) :))
 

FenderP

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Just be yourself because there will always be people who like you and people who don't.  If you're "faking it", then you will eventually lose even those who thought they liked you, but if you are truly just being yourself then those who like you will like the genuine you.

I'm not saying you are not being yourself, sometimes we get into "character" without even realizing it.  Some people are just meant to have one or two really good, loyal friends and honestly, even if you have only one, it's a great thing.
 

John From Detroit

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I am reminded of the bumper stickers "Love me Love My Dog" (or cat)

Fact is some folks will be friendly. because they are friendly.
Some because they are paid to be friendly
And some will just flat piss you off no matter how hard you try to be friendly.

There is a song... Actually (THank you I learned something today) A Poem by R. Kipling.

http://www.kiplingsociety.co.uk/poems_thousandth.htm

Good reading.
 
G

Guest

Guest
Isaac-1 said:
Don't give up on east Texas, you may just be in the wrong town or have met the wrong people.    I know you are living by one of the east Texas Lakes, but don't recall which one, I live in Louisiana near the Texas state line, probably 100 miles away from where you are, give or take 50 mile, depending on which lake it is.  In my experience the culture, friendliness, etc. of east Texas towns vary considerably from town to town even if they are only separated by a few miles.  Many towns in east Texas were first settled 100-150 years ago by a diverse array of immigrants, these people brought their culture with them from their home lands, overtime some of them have assimilated into the Texas friendly culture more than others...      Think of it as the great American melting pot, just with little stirring, driving through east Texas you may find one town founded by Polish immigrants, 15 miles down the road, you may find one settled by former slaves, and another 15 miles you may find one founded by Dutch immigrants.      In the case of the European settlers they were often brought in as a group  by a wealthy individual from the home country that was given a land grant to settle an area.      To my knowledge this is somewhat rare in places other than east Texas, at least in relatively modern times.

Thanks for that info, and also thank everyone for the wisdom posts.  I know the world is not perfect nor are the people in it.  I know people here locally that are total AH's...  I mean they never say thanks for your business, they refuse to shake hands and they treat people like second class unless you got money and status then they are all too happy to be your best buddy. 

Isaac its Lake Fork in Alba.   

Also i know one thing that hurts me is that im not part of the bible belt crowd.  Also its very quiet around here, much of the time its dead unless its a holday or some tournament.  I know alot of the other tenants here and we talk all the time but its not a friendship kind of thing, just being neighborly.  Maybe one of the other lakes might be more recreational in nature and not just for fishing.  I dont own a boat and that hurts me too because everyone here seems to want to talk about, or be on a boat and they dont share with others, you have your own or you dont go on the water pretty much.

Maybe im just growing emotionally, i spent so much time recovering and living at home and just wanted to get back on my own as it should be.  So that would explain why i wanted some solitude.  But maybe since its been a year now, maybe im growing alittle and wanting more of life as i used to have.  Maybe thats why this is bothering me now.  :)

 
 

FenderP

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If by “Bible Belt crowd” you mean you are not Christian, that shouldn’t Matter -especially to Christians. If it matters to them, then you probably don’t want anything to do with them anyway. Most of my friends are not Christians. Life is our mission field. There are some who have their nose in the air, like most walks of life.
 

Gods Country

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Finding friends is much like finding a good woman.  The more you look, and the more you want it the less likely it will happen.
Happiness begins with liking yourself, and who you are.  Once you discover that you will realize that most "friends" are not friends.
If you can count your real friends on one hand throughout your life you're doing well.  It's just the way it is.  You can have friendly interactions with people, and deal with them on a limited basis, having fun where there is common ground.  Anything beyond that is a pig in a poke.
 

Isaac-1

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Well I guess you are a bit farther away from me than I thought, a bit over 200 miles, though the rest still holds true.  As to lakes with much recreation other than fishing, you are not going to find many of those in rural east Texas.
 

Koodog

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My experience has taught me that whenever I point a finger at someone, I always have 3 pointing back reminding me where the real issue lies. ;)
 

JoelP

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The best way to make friends anywhere is to become an active listener.  Spend the bulk of your time with people that you meet trying to learn as much as you can about them.  People strongly prefer to talk about themselves rather than hearing about you.  This needs to be a genuine interest.  If you practice this style of interaction with people on a consistent basis you will be surprised at how much people try to favor you as a friend and this will bring out the very best in people.
 

signcut

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Funny, to me, that area is north Texas...  lol

Perhaps we've just been lucky to have lived in very friendly, open small towns, but we have definitely enjoyed that. My wife is less talkative with folks she doesn't know than I am, but she has still fit in well wherever we've gone. The only things I can think of have already been said; if it's been a while, it may seem to others that you may be pushing, or that it seemed to be easier then than it does now. As for having money or not, that can be a plus, in a very real way; there's a New Orleans band called The Radiators that has a fun (and true) line in a song about that, "if you want to know who your real friends are, party 'til the money runs out"...

;)
 
G

Guest

Guest
I know it hurts that im not married or dating or other local friends, all of those things make it easier.  Lets face it most people will silently ask why and assume that something is wrong as the reason.  It also hurts that i dont drink so i dont hang out at bars or clubs.  I do like shooting my 9MM so i maybe should join some local shooting clubs.


signcut said:
Funny, to me, that area is north Texas...  lol

Yes it may be north in location but it is part of East Texas region.  On the local news out of Tyler Texas which is about 39 miles south of me called KLTV East Texas News, they give news of my area as East Texas.  So i just assumed this is East Texas even though its in the northern part of Texas.

 

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FenderP

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"It also hurts that i dont drink so i dont hang out at bars or clubs."

Those are generally places you may go with friends, not go to meet new friends.  That is my experience, anyway.
 

kdbgoat

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Have you ever tried going to Church? Generally lots of good, friendly folks there.
 
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