The Cat's Commandments

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Ian

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Having 6 cats running our house I can vouch for all of these Commandments being necessary.

  • Cat Commandments
  • Fast as thou are, thou cannot run through closed doors.
     
  • Thou shalt not climb on the garbage can with the hinged lid, as thou wilt fall in and trap thyself.
     
  • Thou shalt not jump onto the keyboard when thy human is on the internet
     
  • Thou shalt not jump onto the toilet seat just as thy human is sitting down.
     
  • Thou shalt not jump onto thy sleeping human's bladder at 4a.m.
     
  • Thou shalt not leap from great heights onto thy human's genital region.
     
  • Thou shalt not lie down with thy butt in thy human's face.
     
  • Thou shalt not projectile vomit from the top of the refrigerator.
     
  • Thou shalt not pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem.
     
  • Thou shalt not push open the bathroom door when there are guests in thy house.
     
  • Thou shalt not reset thy human's alarm clock by walking on it.
     
  • Thou shalt not sit in front of the television or monitor as if thou were transparent.
     
  • Thou shalt not trip thy humans even if they are walking too slow.
     
  • Thou shalt not unroll all of the toilet paper off the roll.
     
  • Thou shalt not walk in on a dinner party and commence licking thy butt.
     
  • Thou shalt realize that the house is not a prison from which to escape at any opportunity.
     
  • Thou shalt remember that thou are a carnivore and that houseplants are not meat.
     
  • Thou shalt show remorse when being scolded.

 

Ned

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We don't have any of those problems with a dog :D
 

Karl

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Ian,

Cat's response to a few items;

    * Fast as thou are, thou cannot run through closed doors.
No, but I can run back and forth thru the coach at top speed at 3 a.m.

    * Thou shalt not climb on the garbage can with the hinged lid, as thou wilt fall in and trap thyself.
Garbage bags left on the floor before disposal are fair game for exploration, preferably thru holes ripped in the side.

    * Thou shalt not jump onto the keyboard when thy human is on the internet
Heh! Just try to stop me!

    * Thou shalt not jump onto thy sleeping human's bladder at 4a.m.
Which would be better for you? 3 a.m or 5 a.m?

    * Thou shalt not pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem.
Pshaw! I much prefer chewing thru tiny, unrepairable coax cables anyway.
 
    * Thou shalt not unroll all of the toilet paper off the roll.
Hey, just trying to make life a little easier for you. I've watched you trying to find the end sheet.

    * Thou shalt not walk in on a dinner party and commence licking thy butt.
If you were a better cook, I wouldn't have to editorialize!

    * Thou shalt realize that the house is not a prison from which to escape at any opportunity.
I'm an animal and like it outside. Is it my fault you left the door open 15 milliseconds too long? Now really!
   
    * Thou shalt remember that thou are a carnivore and that houseplants are not meat.
How do you expect me to projectile vomit from the top of the refrigerator without some 'greens' in my tummy?

    * Thou shalt show remorse when being scolded.
I'm a cat, I've done nothing wrong, and I've still got my claws. You want remorse? I'll show you remorse!
 

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jaspers mom

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:D

This is so too funny!? I have a cat that outweighs my dogs in more way than one.? Being a part timer Ms. Kitty or Sapphire to be specific rules the roost in our stick home.? I really would like to give her an opportunity to go on the road with us.? Any time I have ever had her in the car with me she has been amazingly compliant.? (We adopted her without a carrier thus the first crateless trip)

Sapphire takes alot of blame for things that occur in the home.? Recently she was blamed for something in the RV.? "OMG --- she hasn't even been in here,"? I said.? Never mind that came the smug remark.? Cats are smart.? She figure out how to do this.? Arghhhh.? ?Please help me to find an easy route to the RV with one said criminal cat.

::)? That's my story and I am sticking to it.
 

Wendy

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A couple of these apply also to Sam, the 95-pound loopy Labrador.....jumping (or laying) on the bladder especially rings several bells.
 

Tom

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One more Cat's commandment:

Please stay away from me. Although I like to look at the furry creatures and think they're "cute", I am extremely allergic to cats. Although I can be around them for a very brief period of time, it doesn't take long for things to go downhill fast. I'll sometimes react just to the cat dander on someone who enjoys their feline crawling all over them.

This isn't a joke - I carry a pill with me 24 hours a day that would need to be administered on my way to the ER. So, if I avoid you, your cat or your RV at a rally, it really isn't personal.

Ask Karl about the day Smoky, Karl and I were practicing some barbershop songs in Karl's Bounder when Hercule, his beloved feline, thought my lap was the best place to be! I froze and Karl immediately hurled an inhaler in my direction. If I wasn't allergic, it would have been one of those funniest moments.
 

Wendy

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I'm with you, Tom. Only way to set off my asthma is to have a lovely, loving cat jump into my lap. Or even a lovely, loving cat owner....well, never mind.
 

Tom

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Wendy,

On numerous occasions I've started sneezing (the first level of cat alert for me) when merely talking to someone with no cats around. I'd finally ask "do you have a cat?" and the answer would be something like "yes and she jumped all over me before I left home this morning".

I recall one incident where I visited a friend in the UK; I started sneezing and then wheezing before asking "do you have a cat?" The answer was "yes, and she normally sits in your chair".

The worst case was when we stayed at an aunt's house on our way from South Wales to London/Heathrow airport. She put us up in her guest bedroom but didn't tell me that the cat normally slept on that bed!!! I was close to visiting the ER all night.

As they say on the American Lung Association web site: When you can't breathe, nothing else matters.
 

Smoky

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LOL Karl!!  "No, but I can run back and forth thru the coach at top speed at 3 a.m."

Our cat started doing this right after Quartzite.  I think our cat and your cat must have secretly gotten together and discussed this maters.
 

Ron

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Sam is also allergic to cats.  It has improved since she went through the series of shots several years ago.  Before that it didn't take long to determin if a cat was around.  Now it generally takes a few minutes before she starts getting hives.    Me I am not allergic I just never cared for cats.
 

jaspers mom

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If speaking with you .... front of my computer
I have a sister with allergies.? I consider them no laughing matter.? I have a particular group of clothing that I wear around her --- it is cleaned professionally and kept in a sealed bag until I put it on.?

It is sad to know that my actions may harm anyone --- even more so when there was no intent of malice.? Please feel free to stand away from me and my cat.? I won't be offended.?

;D? This message has be sterilized and defurred for your health and safety. ?
 

Lorna

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I was never allergic to cats until we went to a client's home and they had 32 cats, 99% show cats, and then found out I was allergic.  Guess that would make just about anyone allergic.
 

Wendy

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32 of anything is at least 25 too many of something.....unless it's hundred dollar bills.
 

Lorna

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Wendy

You bet!!  Or for us right now Canadian loonies.
 

Wendy

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Are you referring to the humanoids who live in Canada? or the birds? or the bugs? or the coins? 0r Russ, Terry and Betty?
 

Lorna

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Wendy

I am referring to the dollar coins that have a loon on one side and have heard them referred to as loonies.
 

Lorna

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Wendy

The five of us might be looney at times but don't think that we would refer to us that way!!!!
 

Karl

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What Tom said was true - he could not tolerate the presence of Hercule, the attack cat. But I'm not offended. Being an asthmatic myself, I know that there are certain triggers that can be life threatening. It's no laughing matter, but I feel sorry for those who cannot tolerate the love and kindness and intelligence that a cat can provide. I'm thankful that I can. A good friend's wife was so allergic to anything that could bite or sting, that she would have to take refuge whenever something as insignificant as a mosquito where anywhere in sight. Some years ago, I became constricted whenever my niece was in the proximity. Turned out it was a reaction to the perfume, as light as it was, that she wore. How do you tell someone that they smell good, but it's killing you  :-\
 

Wendy

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I know people that can't stand to be near dogs, too. Personally, I prefer dogs but I also like cats. I just can't let them near me or the lungs close down and the eyes scratch, turn red, water and die. Maybe Hercule could explain why that is?? He is a very wise cat.
 

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