Lost my co-pilot

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As I was told earlier this year, we don't "Get Over" our grief we simply learn to endure it.  Having lost My Darlin' on February 5th I've found that statement to be of great value.  I've also enjoyed reading the previous posts and being reminded that I/we are not the only ones who are going through this.
 
Barry, I don't know you and you don't know me, but I live just up the hill from you in Alpine.  Life is for the living, and you have some serious options to consider.  I love the idea of living in your son's vineyard.  I am a wine guy anyway, and it has been a dream of mine to buy ten or more acres, plants wine grapes and put in a pad with full hookups.  If you get lonely there are things like camp hosting.  Silver Strand is not far from you and they use several camp hosts.  Lake Jennings (Helix Water District) between you and me is also frequently on the lookout for camp hosts. 

I would use the heck out of that RV and when my kids finally inherited it, it would be one tired piece of machinery.  Good luck to you, Sir.
 
Barryn514 said:
Thanks for the all the condolences and positive suggestions.

Never thought this would be so hard and so lonely. Im going to just take one day at a time. Depending how my biopsy goes on the 5th, will depend on when the pups and I will hit the road.

Castlewood, all the best to your wife!
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Thank you, we're fighting the good fight.
Take your time, it's hard, my sister in law lost her husband, she still has times it bothers her.  Nothing wrong with hurting for a while it just means that you loved and cared.  Lots of people never know what it really means.  It took me 5 years to even touch the boxes from my dad's place when he had passed away.  My wife tried after the second year, and finally dragged me out of the room, she realized I just couldn't handle it.
  But take time and make new friends, learn something new or get into a hobby a bit more, do something with your time, you can't get your time back.
  It's hard to miss someone you truly care about, but she wouldn't want you so sad either.
Wishing you the best going forward.
 
 
It's been a little over a month now and still try very hard to adjust to my life without Sherry. Again, the girls (Yorkies) are out RVing at chula vista marine/RV resorts. I've re-arranged most everything in the storage compartment , just to keep busy.

Had my biopsy last week and meet with the surgeon on the 27th to see where we go from here. I am assuming they are going to remove the center lobe in my right lung and follow up with chemo. Can't make any plans till I know where I stand.

My first thought if they get it all the first time, the girls and I will head to texas to visit family and then to OR  where we were at this past June and decide where we might want to settle down and going to give it some consider to going full time. If I get to that point, I will be asking A LOT of questions.

I've never felt so alone in my life!!
 
Barryn514 said:
I've never felt so alone in my life!!
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Wherever you are geographically located right now, please look into some support groups in your area.  Coping and figuring out the day-to-day realities of being alone can be much easier by spending time with people who have gone through the same things you have.
 
Oh Barry you still have another hurdle to jump but we are here for you. Glad you are seeking some support locally, it's the right thing to do. Sending hugs.
 
Barryn514 said:
We made out annual trip to the Portland area and had a awesome time! DW was a picture of health. When we got home fist week of June she said had a pain in her side so went to doctor and they did ex-rays and cat scan. They found a mass in her lung so the following week did a pet scan and they had her come back in and told her she had stage 4 lung cancer. This was on the 27 of June. They did some radiation on some of her bone cause there were cancer cells there and everyday she got worse. Radiation broke one of her bones in her arm so had to have surgery. I took her home cause I wanted to try to take care of her myself which I did for 8 days. Things just got worse so called 911 and took her back to hospital. I was by her side for 4 days and spending most night there. Last Tues, sept 13, she passed away with me holding her head and telling her I loved her. Was with her till she took her last breath. Not sleeping now cause I can still see that.

Yesterday, I decided I needed to get out of the house and get away. I packed up and gathered up our 2 little Yorkie and camping for a weeks. Our two baby girls know there is something wrong. I feel like I have had part of my life torn away. Not sure what I will do from here. We just miss her so much!! I've cried till there is no more tears left.

Don't ever take your significant other for granted, cause we never know what tomorrow holds for us.

Thanks for allowing me to vent.
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Sorry for your loss.

I lost my mate, Tom (we were a legally married same-sex couple, together since 1974--42 happy years together) to liver cancer on August 3 of this year. He was diagnosed on April 12.

But I want to mention for you to check your own blood pressure. Mine went way up just after April 12, yet Tom's BP was perfectly normal during the same time. Mine was also normal  just a few days before April 12. Mine is still high, yet I do NOT  feel  depressed, only sad.

I have also lost 25 lbs since April. But that I can afford to lose.

Tom was under the care of Hospice, a close friend, me  and a lot of Morphine during his last few days. At least he didn't suffer much and went in a few days after the first serious symptoms.  But I was told by the Hospice nurse that  my blood pressure can still be high for around a year. And I mean dangerously high, so I am now on BP meds to keep it down to a reasonable level.

It affects different  people differently, so check your BP to see how it is really affecting you regardless of how you feel. Be sure to take good care of yourself, which can be difficult for some after such a thing happens to one's life mate.

-Don-  Reno, NV
 
Being alone is a funny thing. Some have absolutely no difficulty with it and even prefer it that way. Others feel they can't live without the companionship. Most are in between somewhere. I can't imagine being totally without my DW. Even though because of different work schedules, we work opposite each other and don't see each other all week. She says at least we don't have the time together to argue.  ;)
I'd rather argue.

So sorry for your loss and what you are still going through currently. Just remember, she is still in your heart. She didn't intentionally leave you alone. She just went away. She went everywhere. She is still with you.
And you know that she wishes for you take care of yourself and the girls. To carry on the best you can.

A support group would be very helpful if you are having difficulty. But you already know if you dig down deep enough, the strength is there to get through this. Family, friends, and this forum are also here for you. 
 
Don, my BP is fine as long as I take my meds. It's been that way for years.

Mark, no doubt, posting my feeling here and people who reply does help me look at it in other ways. Sherry and I both enjoyed RVing and talking with people from all over, even to point where we would break out the wine and have dinner together on accasion.

The last week of may and the first week of June, we had a great trip to the Portland area, staying in the wine country and visiting with the grand kids. Sherry was the picture of health and had no pain at all. Its when we got back home is when she had soreness in her side which lead her to go see doctor, thus finding out she had stage 4 lung cancer. I guess we can be greatful we had two great weeks together prior to the findings.

Now if I can beat this problem of mine, the girls and I will continue on our plans to travel even though sherry won't be here except in spirit.
 
Just found this link where I posted our trp back in May. As you can see, we had a great time.

http://www.rvforum.net/SMF_forum/index.php/topic,94897.0.html
 
Barry, sorry for your loss, and get well for your problems now.

I now how you feel. I lost my mother on 3/17/11 from pancreatic cancer, and my wife of 30 yrs. on 5/13/11 from ovarian cancer. 2 months apart. My mom, we only knew for one month before she past away. My wife, she was fighting it since 2007. We thought she had it beat. March of 2011, we bought a TT  to travel and see the country. She never had a chance to use it. Only being in it 4 times before she past away. I was going to sell it, and move on. Buddy of mine talked me out of it, and to use it. Which I did. Was lonely at first. Then I met a wonderful woman in late 2012. We married on 7/5/13. Took the TT on the honey moon to Ocean City Md. for a week. Came back and traded the TT in on a MH. Been traveling ever since.  Keep your head up. you never know what god has in store for you.
 
Barry,

My thoughts and prayers are with you in dealing with this terrible loss of your wife plus the health challenge you are facing yourself. God Bless.
 
It's been a while since I posted but I have been overwhelmed with things. Seems like I spend most of the weeks in doctors office, labs or attorney trying to get my affairs in order which should have done that years ago.

I have surgery on the 12th of this month and all I can hope for is that I beat this cancer and possible do some of the things that Sherry and I talked about but it won't be the same. I know that I will be selling the townhouse cause it's too hard to stay here. If all turns out ok, the girls and I will spend sometime on the road.

Hope everyone had a nice thanksgiving and Happy Holidays and be safe..
 
:'(  Sorry for your loss.

My wife of 49 years has been diagnosed with cancer twice and beat it both times.  I have never been so scared. 

 
Barryn514 said:
It's been a while since I posted but I have been overwhelmed with things. Seems like I spend most of the weeks in doctors office, labs or attorney trying to get my affairs in order which should have done that years ago.
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I was beginning to wonder how you were doing. Great to hear you are still in the game! Take it step by step. That's how life works. Like it or not. You are strong enough to get through it.
Many prayers are with you. Hang in there.
 
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