Carolyn,
I also take care of my 90 year old mother in my home. I think the key is her mobility, emotional, and mental state. You can never get it right, you can get it functional. And it is a constantly changing target the older she gets.
First, you can't take her with you. You can buy an rv with a hydraulic lift (best choice) and have her in a motorized wheel chair. But can she be left alone or even will she allow you to leave her alone, when you are out having a good time. My mother can't see well enough to pour herself a glass of milk without spilling it, so often she will anyway and then there is a mess to clean up. Need I talk about other issues???
Second, you can put her in a home at $4,500 a month more or less. Eats whatever assets she has, unless she is worth a million, very quickly.
Third, you can have someone come in part-time, with safety alerts, but you have to accept issues she will have that come with part-timers. A neighbor might help for a couple of days, but then they have to be paid as well if they are willing.
No truly acceptable option, just compromises, and you have to just do it and accept the complaints and problems.
One of my friend's mother needed to go into a home. They took her to a home, she liked it, she agreed to it, they put her in the home. Two weeks later she hated it and yelled at him for forcing her into a home and said she never agreed.
You can't win, but you can lose and you will lose whatever, but you must act.
I also take care of my 90 year old mother in my home. I think the key is her mobility, emotional, and mental state. You can never get it right, you can get it functional. And it is a constantly changing target the older she gets.
First, you can't take her with you. You can buy an rv with a hydraulic lift (best choice) and have her in a motorized wheel chair. But can she be left alone or even will she allow you to leave her alone, when you are out having a good time. My mother can't see well enough to pour herself a glass of milk without spilling it, so often she will anyway and then there is a mess to clean up. Need I talk about other issues???
Second, you can put her in a home at $4,500 a month more or less. Eats whatever assets she has, unless she is worth a million, very quickly.
Third, you can have someone come in part-time, with safety alerts, but you have to accept issues she will have that come with part-timers. A neighbor might help for a couple of days, but then they have to be paid as well if they are willing.
No truly acceptable option, just compromises, and you have to just do it and accept the complaints and problems.
One of my friend's mother needed to go into a home. They took her to a home, she liked it, she agreed to it, they put her in the home. Two weeks later she hated it and yelled at him for forcing her into a home and said she never agreed.
You can't win, but you can lose and you will lose whatever, but you must act.
