My MIL threw a fit, she has dementia, mainly just not remembering anything. Lost keys, didn't eat, thought she
had, started thinking people were stealing, her sister who lived behind her got her started on that.
My husband decided she needed to go to assisted living, she called him everything but good, bad part is her
sister who lived behind her is worse off, she went first. I had both of them last year plus DD and was a crazy
woman. The first one we put her in didn't work, she tried to leave, the second is good, has push button keyed
exit and she can't remember the codes. They are even posted by the door.
At first she hated it, was going to go home every time we went there, oh she and sister are both there. She
has an apartment though we are going to move her to a studio. She had enough savings the first year plus
SS to pay it but her health insurance is expensive from the union so move her soon we are. It will be just
down the hall.
By the way, if her husband was a veteran and served even 1 day during war time you can get benefits to help
pay it. The cannot have assets over $80k, was a 3 year look back is to be 5, may already be now. They figure
up total income and total expenses, but max they can get a month is $1149, that's what MIL gets. It took me
almost a year to get benefits started. Now we are waiting for retroactive pay. Once she gets that and moves
into the studio we are only adding about $200 a month. However she requires extra help for bathing, we get
her hair done weekly, and laundry done so adds to the cost. Eventually when she goes up to more levels
of care we will have to move her to an efficiency, that's what her sister is in now. But she won't go to the
shower in the hall and washes in the sink, told hubby we would have the same issue so the studio.
You might find she really likes it, they have people to commiserate with their illness and can talk to them.
The routine and good food has helped them both, they are holding their own, her sister is much happier then
MIL, but still MIL is doing well. Hubby goes and sees her several times a week, its only about 12 miles from
us and its working well.
You may not want to do it, but you might find it improves her life as well as yours. If she is resistant and we
know as MIL gets worse we will need guardianship. We went ahead and got it as the assisted living place
said they could not keep her against her will if she really pushed it. Guardianship costs about $2k, figure
its pretty much the same anywhere.
If I can be of any help just ask, we have been through it with her and also with our mentally challenged daughter
so sadly, am fairly well versed in this.
Live your life, its to short and there are very good places, if the first doesn't work try another. Good luck and
don't sell your dream.