Snook,
I also have long hair so sympathize with your wife.
You say it's set to max. Is this a newer RV? We had to have the one in our previous motorhome adjusted. It seems the lawyers are afraid someone might get scalded so the hot water heater manufacturers set the max at a lower setting than some of us like. The mfgr. won't reset it higher because they might get sued, but someone else might.
Some of the newer showerheads don't save as much water as older ones. When we got our current motorhome they had installed more of a household-style showerhead. It was too heavy and kept falling off the holder while traveling down the road, so we changed it back to an older and lighter style. This one also has a better on/off lever so we don't have to constantly turn the main shower handle off and on while soaping up and rinsing off. It doesn't waste as much water. When we did the change we were told that the on/off button or lever again is purposely set a tad loose to drip more so too much pressure won't build up and burst a water line somewhere in the RV. Assuming you have some kind of on-off lever, does the showerhead drip a lot when it's in the off position? If so, that could some waste hot water. If you have no on-off lever or button it wastes a lot of water using the main shower handle every time.
Have you identified the function of every single electric switch? If you have one that you don't know its function, perhaps it's to heat hot water electrically. They're usually near the kitchen sink. Most of the newer RVs can heat with propane, electric, or both. If we're plugged in, we tend to leave the electric water switch in the "on" postition so we have hot water 24/7. When we shower or wash dishes and want more hot water than normal we turn on the propane which tends to heat water faster. I've always tried to wash my hair when we have hookups, but it's not always possible.
I hope you find the problem or can change to a bigger hot water tank.
ArdraF