Amada,
Your situation is such that I am completely with you (so by the way is my wife), I spent most of my younger years in the east coast megapolis, but as that area is now all police states, I avoid it.
There once was a "Peaceable Transit" federal statute. It still is on the books, but the police states have ignored it completely.
In both NJ and NY (and maybe MA), if a weapon and its ammunition are not in separate locked containers, then those states decree that they weapon is loaded. There are countless cases of travelers coming to grief there. So get a lockable case for the rifle, an ammo box at Hazard Fright and a pair of keyed-alike locks (also from HF). Store them where they are not accessible to the driver.
I used to be a gold cup pistol shooter. I don't bother trying to get to meets on either coast anymore because of all the rules and hassle. It is a shame.
What we do always carry is not bear spray, but the wasp spray that shoots 20 feet. (Much cheaper too.) We have several and it is a very small coach. This will at least temporarily blind a human. (But, unbelievably enough, if I use it for that in Michigan where now live, it is illegal to use as such.) This would clearly slow someone down long enough for one of the kids to get and load the gun.
I wish you hours of boring driving and memorable times when stopped.
Matt - a refugee from the east megapolis